New Issue to ask for advice on:

Little Man has started biting his nails. That is the most disgusting thing...I hate it. My sister used to bite her nails and her finger tips were always so round and her nails...there was never any white left on them. It was a miracle if her nails reached the tip of her fingers at all. Thank goodness she stopped that...
Anyway, all of a sudden Little man bites his nails, and the skin next to the nail so he makes the skin on the sides of his fingers all irritated.
So if anyone has any advice- LET IT BE KNOWN!

Thanksgiving Disaster

So our Thanksgiving ended up really nice, but it almost wasn't so. First of all i never wrote about the last argument Selfish and I had about three weeks ago. So I guess I should write about that first...
Well, one night Daddy and I got home and everyone was blocking the driveway. I was driving, and i was going to have to leave in the morning so I manuevered the car to park in front of Selfish's car, so she would still be able to get out in the morning. Keep in mind, my car is in FRONT of hers, not behind so I WAS NOT BLOCKING HER OR ANYONE. 7 in the morning she sends a text to the cell saying 'if you aren't going to use the car in the morning don't park like an asshole.' I was NOT going to let this chick speak to me like I was five, especially since I knew I wasn't blocking anyone so I sent a text back saying 'I am going to use the car so don't talk if you dont know.'
I didn't swear. I kept it simple. Tell me why this chick really came downstairs to complain to Daddy like a five year old. Daddy was upset to have gotten woken up in the first place but he went to the door and told her to keep her voice down (she was shouting. At 7 am) and not to be pounding on the door because the kids were sleeping. She said "I don't give a fuck about your kids." Daddy turned all shades of red. You cannot talk about his babies. And this is his sister. He started telling her to get out, but she wouldn't and she started talking shit about me. I held myself as much as I could but there was something she said that I flew off the bed and was running towards the kitchen because I was gonna kick her ass. Yes, me. I was going to punch her right in her mouth. As I was walking towards the kitchen (running, whatever) I was saying "Why is it that this bitch is always talking shit..." but Daddy was already shoving her out the door telling her to get the fuck out. She was saying "Ive been waiting to kick her ass...." and I'm screaming at her (at 7 am) to come do it, how sick of her I was and how lucky she was that Daddy closed the door and was standing in front of it. Because he was. He didn't want me to open it and give her the ass whooping she needs. So she was screaming through the door all kinds of bullshit...who cares. Daddy sent me back to bed (i felt like a teenager again, i swear it.) and told me to forget about it.
I tried.
But everytime I thought about the things she was saying, my blood would boil and I wanted to go right upstairs and pound on her door....ugh.
So whatever, she made up stories about what i text back to her making me look like a bad guy, but as stupid as I know she is I locked the messages so nobody would be able to tell me what was said and what wasn't. Daddy already knew what was what.
Look I'm getting upset just thinking about it...
Anyway-
Two days before Thanksgiving she sends a text saying "Daddy and his children are invited to my house for Thanksgiving and only them." Daddy had the phone in his hand when she sent that message and he erased it before I could see it because he knew it would have just made me go over the edge. He took two hours to even tell me what it said, and it was only after we were very far from the house and when he was sure he was holding the phone so i wouldn't call her to say anything. "I'm not going, so don't worry about it" he said to me.
"That's not the point. The point is that she already says I'm keeping you away from your family, and this is just going to add fuel to the fire." I sadi.
"Don't care. if you can't go I won't go."
"But-"
"Don't care."
So that's why we did the dinner at home, and then went to Friend's In-Law's house for dessert. We didn't spend Thanksgiving with our families for the first time ever. And I know Christmas will be the same. And I hate it. I don't know what I did wrong. Daddy's mother says Selfish is just jealous because supposedly he doesn't spend any time with his family anymore and she thinks it's because of me. She thinks I tell him not to talk to his family. Sorry, but Daddy is a grown ass man, i'm not holding his hands behnd his back telling him not to call his family. I talk to his mother more than he does. So that's that.
Tomorrow is Daddy's birthday. We're going to my MIL's for dinner, she's cooking him his (and my) favorite meal- GOAT! (Yes, i like goat, and it's only because one day she cooked and i thought it was some kind of beef and after I ate her and Daddy were laughing and THEN told me I had just eaten goat.)

So there's some venting from me.
I'm just shrugging my shoulders at everything now.

Peace.

Our Thanksgiving

We were really full here, that's why I strategically placed my son in front of me. I look gross, you can see the stupid dark circles that never go away. I made a roasted chicken because there was no turkey small enough for just us. And I made my signature cheesy potatoes. And pumpkin pie (yummy) and salad. It was nice.
Hope yours was nice, too....and share what you had for dinner I'm interested in knowing!

Nesting urges coming now...

Everytime I set foot in my house, I want to redecorate. Badly. Ever since we moved in we've been getting promises and promises that we're getting a new kitchen, a new bathroom, new counters...blah blah blah bullshit!
I'm tired of waiting.
Even our garage looks like garbage, and we can't even use it because the stupid door is broken. Daddy has been wanting them to fix our garage door so that we can #1- park our car in it and #2 so he can do his car stuff in there now that it's getting cold. No one wants to be outside in the blistering cold working on cars, and you know cars still need work done in the winter. Here is an example of our garage floor:
Gross, right? Cracked, chunks coming up that my son is always tempted to pick up and play with. Here are Daddy's dream garage floors :
Gorgeous, huh? It makes me wish we already owned our own house so we could get that garage floor installed. That floor is easy to clean so if any oil spills, just mop it right up instead of throwing dirt on it and waiting for the concrete to absorb it and just be stained forever. And it's appealing to the eyes, too. Not the boring gray tones we have going on. While I'm at it, I should start looking in to garage doors, right? And take it out of the rent?

Three days in...

So work is awesome. Easy stuff, I don't have to answer any phones, I just do paperwork all day and it's mostly billing. The two women I work for are sweethearts. The only person who has already gotten a nickname from me (a mental-meant-for-blogging-one) is the guy who keeps his food on my window. See, my office is right outside of one of the labs and right next to the door is a window to see into the lab...no food or drinks in the lab so he sets his 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew and his apples or oranges right on the window. He's Snackman. It doesn't bother me, it just made him the first nickname earned. There are many scientisits there, obviously, but they are cool. One of them, who I'll end up working with when he needs help, he's really funny. He's been the one telling me who is a bitch and who is nice. The girls didn't want to tell me because they don't want to spoil 'it' for me. So he's the gossip...lol!
Funny how things work out: my first day I found out that the girl whose place I took is one of the girl's sister...so my heart sank and i thought 'well, there goes any chance of this becoming permanent...' but then the sister told me that she didn't have plans to return. So that's cool. Another thing is that another woman is offering for me to go to her dept. full time, but I hear she's a monster to work for...but she looks like she interviewed some people today and might have found her person. I'm okay with that, because I'm already pretty familiar with the job I have to do and I like it. What sucks major ass is that I don't have any internet at work. (BOOOOOO!!!!!)
Little Man was happy to go back to the sitter, right now he's actually asking to go back to her house to play. The baby cried the first day, less the next and less today. She'll get used to it. She has to, Mommy isn't always going to be around...that sounds cruel doesn't it?

So I want to wish everyone a happy and safe Thanksgiving. Fill up nice, forget the diets. Enjoy family time.

I hate asthma.

My son had a special day planned with my mother today, so he went to her house last night to spend the night so they could get and early start. When I dropped him off he had a bit of a runny nose, so I brought the chewables in case he ended up getting a cough. A mother is always prepared right?
NOOOOO!
Apparently I was prepared for the wrong thing, because my mother called me at four in the morning telling me that Little Man was puking. Oh my God...
She told me to go back to sleep (yeah, right mom...) and that she would call me if he puked again. At seven she called again. At 7:05 I was out the door in pj's...thank God I packed the arsenal of meds that we have in the cabinet for him because when I got there he was wheezing. (oh, no not again.) When I got there she told me all that he was puking up was phlegm, not exactly stomach contents, but still...
So I broke out the prednisone again, the pump and mask...
The cough he was about to get turned straight into the asthma. There was no more puking all day, the steroids made him super hyper, super hungry, and unfortunately more wheezy, but with the meds coursing through his veins he couldn't. sit. still. The wheezing is gone now (he's napping finally) but is this how it's going to be everytime he gets sick? At least if someone told me this I can be prepared...
I am actually grateful that he doesn't have the asthma that gets triggered off anything, but I still hate it.

Almost time for New and Improved Diana Snark!!!!

I got the job!!!!

Woo-hoo!

Come dance the happy dance with me!

Okay, so it's bitter-sweet since it IS a temporary position, I'm covering for someone's maternity leave, but (quoting Daddy) what if I kick so much ass that they decide to keep me??? (Yes, he really said that.) (Don't get me all excited like that, Daddy, that's just cruel.)
I kicked ass in the interview, I even surprised myself! The HR woman I met with first was okay she was a little quiet, and believe it or not I don't think she's ever interviewed anyone before. She seemed more nervous than I was. So she walked me to the next building over (huge industry) to where I would be working and left me with the two women I would be working for. They. Were. Awesome. They made me wish I was getting this job permanently. Five minutes into the interview they looked at eachother and one said (no nicknames yet...lol) "So do you want her to start right now? Because I do!" I gave myself an inner hi-five, I knew I had it in the bag. So I start Monday, working 9-1, sometimes later depending on how much work I have. Oh, and the department I'm working in is a chemical testing area. People walking around with white lab coats and beakers full of bubbly stuff.
Here's the funny twist in the plot- as I was filling out the backround check paper that they handed me before the interview even started, I had to give the number and address to my previous position. I did so without hesitation, but on the drive home I decided to call Head Admin to make sure Bossman wouldn't shit on me and tell them something bad. (Remember I still don't know if he's mad at the way things worked out with my daycare sitch.) Head Admin told me how funny it was that I called, she was just about to call me. (huh?) Turns out Foreclosure Guy (awesome guy that worked in my office who never got on my nerves, so I never wrote about him) needs a personal assistant. He is extremely busy seeing as how mortgage rates are going up, lots of people are losing their houses so HIS business is soaring. He has too much work...and she actually told him I was still looking for a job... so sometime in the next month he should be calling me to negotiate salaries...hopefully. So even if this awesome new job is only temporary I will probably (hopefully) be able to already have another job lined up. Hell, if he wants me to work through the holidays, I'll do both, because working for him will most likely be from home anyway, so i could do it at any time. I will probably have to get a fax machine though...
Well, thats that.
Thanks for your well-wishes.
I'm so happy about this I'm not going to let the new argument with Selfish even work its way into this post. I'll leave that for another day when I want to write angry. She can't bring me down.

A breather...

I have an interview tomorrow with the job i really wanted...let's hope all goes well. i'm going to be covering for someone's maternity leave so it's a temporary position, but it'll get me back into the swirl of things. Babysitter is set and waiting for word on if and when she gets my babies, black pants and collar shirts are washed and pressed...
the woman on the phone asked why i haven't worked since april, i told her about the office closing and then my own maternity leave and she said "so you're ready for a breather, some time away from home?" and laughed. she knows. she must be a mom.
the position is three hours a day, five days a week...i'll let you know once i know.

Some people just NEVER grow up...

So I've mentioned about a hundred and five times that Little Man's birthday party is Saturday (how I wish you all were close to invite, I'd rather have you guys there anyway, you'll see why after you read this...)
My SIL Selfless (the one I tolerate more than the other...) called us last night to wish Little Man a happy birthday and to tell us that my other SIL Selfish would not be attending the birthday party, nor would her daughters be there. Selfless told me that since Selfish and I had an argument (I was going to punch the bitch in her face, Daddy got in the way...) she didn't want her daughters around me.
My son is begging me for them to be there (and his older brother, who as far as I know he STILL isn't going to be allowed to come)
What kind of family values are we teaching these kids? The argument between me and the stupid SIL had nothing to do with the kids, why start trying to keep them away from eachother?
Stupid dumb fucks...
So know the only kids that will be at the birthday party will not be related. Not one. But my son considers them more family than his own family, how sad is that?
It makes me extremely grateful for the friends we have, because not one of them pulls any of this childish shit.
I can't wait for this birthday party to be over with.
Any of you feel like coming to RI for a day? You're more than welcome to the birthday party!

"Don't expect immediate results."

Isn't it great when you read that? I googled eczema today, and have the number to 3 Allergists that I'm going to call to see who can take Little Man first. (BTW-thanks Tuesday for the link.) So, seeing as how I have not changed our soap or detergent since the kid was born, the eczema may have been triggered by an allergy. Possibly a food allergy. (fucking great...) So thinking back, I haven't given him anything out of the ordinary to eat, and he hasn't even been to my mother's house so SHE couldn't have given him anything. I'm bringing him to an allergist to get the skin patch testing done to see once and for all WHAT the boy is allergic to, so that we can do some spring cleaning in our pantry. This is going to be fun. I feel bad for him, he isn't even really itchy anymore but he's all patchy (i'm going to post a photo from google so you can get an idea of what he looks like.) and I feel crappy that he has to spend his birthday all blotchy. (TOMORROW HE'S THREE! OMG!!!)
Hopefully the oral meds they gave him along with the cream I've been putting on him will keep it all under control, but 'don't expect immediate results'...because apparently this is going to take a while. Eczema likes to make itself comfortable...


picture: (This is the closest I could get, he only has this on his legs and arms...but you see why I thought it was ringworm? this is called nummular eczema.)

Sick and tired...some more

I couldn't sleep for shit last night. This depression thing is getting worse and worse as I keep checking my phone and e-mail for NOTHING.
Last night I was up till about four. Daddy woke at 6:30 for work. The kids thankfully woke at 9, giving me some type of sleep. But I was just sitting on the couch flipping through the channels, watching nothing and everything. At about 2:30 or so Daddy did come to the living room and sat next to me and just asked if I was going to bed...I just shook my head. He sat there next to me for about 15 minutes, but he didn't say anything. And I wanted to say something, anything, just to get some of this crap off my chest but I didnt say a word. Stupid me. I know he would have said something to try and make me feel better...maybe I wanted to feel this way? I stopped on Miami Ink and heard the story of one lady getting a portrait of her late husband on her shoulder and as I listened to her story, silent tears fell down my face. I don't really think I was crying for her dead husband, I think I was using it as an excuse so that I could finally let some kind of emotion out without anybody looking at me like I was crazy.
Even when I went to bed I lay there awake for quite some time listening to the three of them breathing.
And then when I woke up, I looked at Little Man's legs...at the most horrendous sight. Lumps and bumps everywhere, looking like his eczema exploded. He was complaining about being itchy. There were circular spots that looked like ringworm...my heart stopped. Another trip to the doc. He doesn't have ringworm, but his eczema did get out of control (but overnight???) and he has to take meds again.
Now my question became- how am I supposed to go and turn myself into a working mother again if things like this keep happening? Always having to deal with taking Little Man to the docs because he's got something or other...I always worried about Bossman being mad, and thugh he never showed it I knew it irked hi when i took a day off. Yeah, I could probably do part time, but then would that help the money sitch? And just FYI- there aren't too many offices looking for part time help.
I just hope i get some sleep tonight. All the running around I did today has me all types of exhausted. I wish I could sleep for 24 hours...

Nail Tech, if you read this, thanks for running around with me today. I think it would have been worse trying to do all that myself. You're alright for an adopted sister, you know...LOL!

I'm not THAT bad...(well, not that they know of)

I've sent a total of 21 copies of my resume to companies of all sorts in the past two weeks. I've been contacted by one. A kicker: he needed my resume in Word form and for some reason, when I e-mail it to him, it keeps getting sent back to me with a Failure to Send notice. So he called me back on Halloween, and to this day i haven't been able to get him the stupid resume. I called him and left him a message to let him know what was going on, so he doesn't think I'm not interested because I AM! I REALLY REALLY AM!

The baby is teething. Woo-hoo. (notice there should be some sarcasm there...) It's grand. She's gone from sleeping through the night to waking twice, and not taking more than a fifteen minute nap during the day. She shoves my fingers into her mouth and chews on them like her life depends on my fingers. Right now she is sleeping with the hand of her baby teddy bear in her mouth, and I thnk this may be the longest she's slept in days. I'm not moving the teddy bear for SHIT.

Little Man's birthday party is set for next Saturday. *BIG SIGH* It's supposed to be easy, but it's becoming more of a hassle than it needs to be. The Whore really told one of my SIL's that Daddy needs to call her to personally ask her permission for Little Daddy to be there. HA. Stupid ass, nothing better to do with her time...Little Man really wants Little Daddy to be there and I'd hate to be the one to tell him that his big brother is being kept away by the wicked witch of the East Coast because she still just wants to cause nothing but drama. Daddy refuses to call her to basically beg her for Little Daddy's appearance but told his sister to make sure Little Daddy is there. Pictures will be posted of the happy birthday boy.

I hope...

you all had a fun and safe Halloween...
we did!
My little Love Bug and my Superman! Tell me they aren't the cutest...








(Tony, I came very VERY close to sending my boy as leftovers...we didn't have a costume till the very last moment...I'm debating whether or not to do it anyway just to take the pics for you! LOL)

Wow.

I sent my resume to four office positions yesterday. I'm waiting for responses...I hate the waiting part. The first one I sent the resume to is really the one I want, part time work really, five hours a day five days a week. I will still be able to take the kids to their appointments and stuff without worrying about getting the boss pissed, or getting fired. The others were 'meh, I'll just send it here because it looks alright.' I'm thinking my resume isn't too appealing, because wouldn't someone have responded right away if they liked what they saw? (Look at me already being all negative. Grrrr....)
I just want to get a job before we go dead broke.
I stopped by The Other Office today, I don't know why. Head Admin says "Oh, you just missed Bossman..." I don't think Bossman would have wanted to see me, I still think he's mad at me. Oh, well. I stayed there maybe ten minutes and just went home to give Little Man some lunch.

I made the rservation for Little Man's birthday party. We rented this place out at 12 bucks a kid, and i'm trying to keep the list under 13 kids. The rat's place was a whole dollar more per kid. I'm trying to keep the number down so I don't end up having to pay a million bucks for this thing. Little Man is stuck deciding whether he wants a Cars cake or a Spongepervert cake. Every day he changes his mind. And everyday he asks Daddy: "Daddy, can you buy me a blue bike for my birthday?" That's the only thing he consistently asks for, because like a normal kid he asks for everything they show on commercials, but the bike is what he truely wants. We're looking into it. Daddy wants to get him a car/bike thing like this, but I tell him that if Little Man wants a bike, then... Daddy argues that Little Man will be able to ride in the car/bike thing in the winter because of special tire covers we can buy that make them all-terrain, then I argue that I sure as hell won't be the one standing outside with him...

The search is on!

Looking for work. Real work. Full time work. YAY! I'm sending my resume out starting today, I'm calling the sitter to make sure she knows she's getting the kids soon! I'm excited!



So now comes the dilemna:how is dinner going to get made if I'm working another 9-5? My mother's suggestion is to get a crock pot, set it and forget it! (infommercial? LOL!)
I'm actually looking into getting a crock pot, I've seen the results at Thanksgiving when I go to other people's houses and I eat the wonderful tasting beef stews that come out of those cute little pots. The thing I have to do is search for recipes that Daddy will like, you know since he's such a picky eater. (You would figure he's the child in the family huh?) I found a website with hundreds, maybe thousands of crock pot recipes. I'm sure I'll find quite a few that Daddy and Little Man will enjoy.
There are appetizers you can make, like artichoke and cheese dip (which my sister once forced me to try and I actually liked it. Hey, it sounded gross...) for when you have people over. There are recipes for chili (yum) and all kinds for beef or chicken dishes. Even desserts! (Check out the apple-nut cheesecake, I'm drooling here! But I have to make that one day that Little Man isn't even in the house with the new nut allergy he has.)
That's it, it's decided, my first paycheck is going towards a crock pot.
Are there any recipes you have tried and would like to share? I'm all for trying new dishes, so suggest away!

I've got some signs to hand out...

and one is coming to me!!!

• My last payment from unemployment arrived onto my debit card on Tuesday. I had gone to the corner store with the kids, and I put the card in my pocket in case our total came to more than I had in cash. When I got home I changed back into pj bottoms, took the card out of my pocket and set it on top of the dresser, one of the kids was fussing and I told myself I would put it in my purse later. Yeah...right. The card disappeared. Gone. Vanished. So my payment is stuck on the card...I had to call and report it lost so I could get a new card. The horrible thing is that Daddy and I literally emptied the bedroom, I mean we TOOK THE FURNITURE OUT and the card still has yet to show up. Funny thing: my sister (after hearing my tale of stupidity) said "You're going to blog about this aren't you?" Damn straight! Only way to clear my mind! Betcha the card shows up when the new card gets here...
• Sign for the guy at the video store: my keychain card was misprinted so it's smudged. It doesn't scan, they have to manually (god forbid) punch the numbers in... every time I go to the video store the person tries to scan the card even after I say it doesn't scan...today Friend asked me for a ride to the video store, and she forgot her card and asked to use mine. I handed it to the guy and told him it doesn't scan, you know to save him some trouble. Two full minutes he spent trying to scan the thing. Two minutes is a long time for scanning a stupid card. I looked at Friend and asked "Didn't I JUST say that it doesn't scan?" Here's your sign buddy...

I'm still sick and tired of everything. But I should be getting a job soon...hopefully my mentality will get better soon. My mind is all fucked up.

Sick and Fucking Tired

I'm sick and tired.

Sadness everywhere

I went to pick up milk and crap at the market and made a beeline for the shortest line. I hate going to S&S, they're expensive but it's the 24 hour one and close to home. Sundays here suck because everything closes at six.
There was one woman in line, all her things on the conveyor belt already. I started to glance at the tabloids, reading about Brit-Brit binging and purging, Angie collapsing and other tales of woe (yeah...) in Hollywood.
The woman in front of me was making small talk with the cashier. The cashier was a middle aged Spanish woman, heavy accent. The woman in front of me was older, maybe sixties, Russian accent.
"I'm buying all this junk for my grandkids, they're coming to spend the night"
"Oh, yeah. how nice."
"Yeah, I got four now. Another on the way, but now just four."
"oh, wow. Your hands are full tonight."
"Oh, yeah, but I love it. I love when they come over. You got grandbabies?"
"I had two, but now just one."
I didn't want her to continue, how rude would it have been of me to jump the counter and cover her mouth with my hand. I saw the look on her face change, I saw the sadness come over her eyes. I saw the twitch at the corner of her lips.
"Oh?"
"Yeah, my granddaughter passed. Just seven months she was..."
The Russian woman stayed quiet, I could see she didn't know what to say, you could almost see the wheels in her head turning, looking for something to say...anything.
The cashier continued, "We didn't know what happened. They thought it was abuse and took my grandson from my daughter, he is three. Then the report came back saying she had something wrong with her intestine."
Oh, God.
The Russian woman was done paying. "I'm so sorry." she said and hurried away.
Did the cashier know I heard? What should I say?
"Hi, how are you today?" She asked me in an accent not too different from my mother's.
I smiled and spoke in Spanish.
I didn't mention the granddaughter, though I wanted to.
My heart broke into a thousand pieces when she had said what happened, and here I was paying for baby food and wipes.
Life isn't fair to people.

I've entered a Free Raleigh, NC Getaway contest! Because I want to GET AWAY!

I have friends that moved to Charlotte, NC last year. They are constantly telling Daddy and me to go down there for a visit. We were scheduled to take the 9-hour drive for Memorial Day weekend (remember, Rebecca???) but Little Miss Diva came along and our trip was indefenitely postponed. I hate that we had to cancel the trip because they moved down there for .L. to go to graduate school, and .D. didn't want the long-distance relationship thing, so he went. They didn't know anyone down there, and were always calling us up-selling Charlotte so that we would move down with them. They would actually even call to tell us about deals they found on rentals near them. How funny, huh? (I love them for that, though.)
Anyhoo- seeing as how sometimes I have no time at all and other times I have too much damn time, I sometimes look in my Not-From-My-Address-Book mail. (I don't want to call it junk mail, because sometimes it isn't junk.)
And then I saw FREE Raleigh Getaway. Hmmmm. They have crazy deals on weekends getaways, including Fall Getaways, with special deals concerning a special event called Celtic Halloween which sounds fun. Included in this free getaway package is:
-One night accommodations for two at the Courtyard by Marriott Raleigh Crabtree Valley
-$25 gift certificate to Bloomsbury Bistro
-Free VIP admission for two to Rum Runners
-2 tickets to the North Carolina Theatre
-2 tickets to the N.C. Museum of Art’s Landscapes from the Age of Impressionism
-2 tickets to Dinosaurs: Ancient Fossils, New Discoveries at the N.C. Museum of Natural Sciences


After I read this I thought 'How far is Raleigh from Charlotte???' HA! I would go for a week, do the getaway, then go spend some time with my dearies .L. and .D.
I signed up, you never know what you might actually win. Sign up, too if you'd like a weekend away!

I'm moving! That's it!

LOL!
I told Daddy this yesterday and he just looked at me. I was looking for a job online, because my unemployment is over next week, and somehow someway I ended up on a page about jobs in London. The English like to drink, right? Pints, I believe they beer is called over there...well, why not a bar job? There are a-plenty. There aren't that many jobs in the bar industry here...besides they usually go to the hot younger half of 20-year-olds, or the hot gay guys. (I've had gorgeous gay guys serving me when I used to go out...)
Out of curiosity I clicked on the admin jobs, they have a bunch of those, too. More than here, also. That's why I told Daddy I was moving, more jobs opps!!! Sad how I was really looking through London's wanted ads like I was really planning on going.
My resume is polished up, waiting to be sent out, but the more I look the more frustrated I get because what I find doesn't pay enough (for God sake, I'm only looking for 10 bucks an hour, I used to make nine.) or they want you to work slave hours. Yeah, can't do that since I do have a family waiting to be fed at home.
Who knows what will happen.

A look into why my mother and I just can't get along

There is a racing event in New Jersey on Saturday, a major one since it's one of the last of the season. Daddy feels bad that I've only gotten to go to one this whole summer, and he wants me to come along. A month ago I asked my mother to sit the kids for us from Friday night, since we would be leaving at about 3 a.m so we can get to the doors when they're opening because that place gets packed. As far as I knew, she had said yes.
The other day she had the kids while I went to get an oil change. At her request. An hour tops. When I went to pick them up I said "Okay, so I'll call you on Friday to let you knolw what time we will be dropping them off."
"Friday? Them?"
"Mom, you have to be kidding me..."
"You never told me it was both of them. And besides I'm going to Jersey on Friday anyway." (to see her boyfriend)
"Mom..."
At this point I'm trying not to scream, I do want her to sit I don't want to piss her off, but my blood was boiling.
"What? Stay home with your kids."
I wanted to throw something at her. At her head.
"Are you serious??? I'm home with them every single day. I don't leave my house...you act like you didn't have two kids and you don't understand that I need a break sometimes."
"Yeah. I had two kids. But I wasn't stupid enough to have them so close in age."

Thanks, MOM.

aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Demon Child.
Hate him.
(Friend's son...)

It does seem like I'm always yelling at my son when we are around them, and I've noticed why. Demon Child will do something and then my son, who lives through imitation, will do the same thing, and it's usually something they shouldn't be doing. Here's the kicker, it seems like Friend is totally oblivious to anything her son may be doing wrong. She won't notice him throw the ball right at my son's head...on purpose. She won't notice her son smacking the glass table with a metal toy car. But she'll notice my son do it...
It's becoming frustrating to the point that I don't want to be around there, and it sucks because she is a great person. But her son is the devil incarnate and I really don't want my son imitating what that boy does. I mean, my son is no saint, but he doesn't do half the shit that kid does.


Great, baby Diva is fussing. God forbid I sit and do something that involves something other than feeding her...lol!

Unemployment running out...SOS!!!

My unemployment benefits run out on the 14th of October, coming much much much sooner than you think. I need a job ASAP! I can't let Daddy take this household on by himself! I think that financial burden would make his poor head explode! Thing is: he sold his little Green Car, so we're back down to one car and in order for me to get a job we need another car, since there will be dropping off of the kids to babysitters and different time schedules and whatnot. So join me as I pull my hair out looking for a car AND a job! Isn't my distress entertaining for you guys?

Pain Relief?

So I received this product in the mail, this Freeze It stuff, that is supposed to work better than other topical pain relievers...like the one with the word Gay and the name Ben in it. "Try it and see!" they said. So I did. Well, I got Friend's husband to do it for me. I don't usually get pain in my knees or joints (just my back and head), so how would I know if it really works? Friend's Hubby=Big Guy=Pain in Knees. Perfect candidate. He became my victim. I handed him the four sample packets they sent me and said "Call me after you tried them."
So he tried them, he actually needed them a few days later since he and Daddy were working on someone's suspension and there was a lot of bending down involved. (Big Guy loves cars, too! You should see his racer!)
Here's his story/testimony: (LOL!) "I put one of the packets on my knee after we worked on the car and it smelled really strong, but the smell ended up going away. The rel;ief actually came pretty quickly compared to other pain creams, and the relief lasted a while. I didn't have to reapply as soon as I would have thought I would..."
I thanked him for being my guinea pig and took his picture with the sample packets I was sent:



He wasn't shy with taking the picture at all! (And I don't know why this is underlined now...hmmmm)
And here's a commercial they have up on youtube, I thought you would want to see it:




So if you find yourself having joint or muscle pain, try this stuff, it should be hittin gthe stores soon. From my guinea pig, I hear that it works better and longer than the GayBen stuff, and the smell goes away, unlike the GayBen stuff. Try it and let me know if it also worked for you!

Question...

Weren't we already in Fall? Last week, freezing cold. Today, 90. Hmmmmm...

New Phenomenom

So I received an e-mail with the subject line "Tattoo Lovers" and I was all "HEY! I'm a tattoo lover, i have a tattoo, Daddy has four, I wonder if they have ideas on a new tattoo for me!" Open it up...yeah, it's a dating site. People meet each other based on whether they like the prospect's tattoos or not. Interesting, right? I figured they should have rather put Tattoo Singles or Tattoo Dating, it would actually have been more helpful in knowing what it was, but the website is actually cool, you know, if I was looking for someone to date.
The site has people's profiles, and most of them have posted pictures of their tattoos. (I DO love tattoos, so I started looking at people's tats...I love to see the work that people decide to get on themselves. I think it's a good idea, I mean why not see the tats before you even get naked! LOL!
Bonuses on the site: free to join, you can enter certain criteria that you may be searching for, and you can see who's online at the moment so you can send instant messages.
If I wasn't married I would be all up in that site...since I'm so into the artwork that people put on, that would be my whole basis on starting a converstaion, since every tat has a story behind it.
Do any of you have tattoos? Any stories? I'll share mine if you share yours...

i want to write...

but there's this little girl in my arms who refuses to let me sit anymore, as well as refuses to go to sleep at a normal hour. So until tomorrow? Or Friday? Or when she moves out???
I can't even read up on you guys, she's so selfish! lol....
hope all is well out there.
if you need me i'll be two-stepping in my living room hoping for some sleep.

I did what I asked my mother not to do for me...

My son's pediatrician is awesome. Little man gets sick, he gets in right away. Admittedly, sometimes he looks at me like I'm paranoid, but I still like him. He became my daughter's doc. But I remember when I was growing up telling my mother that I didn't like having a male doctor, and begging her to change me to a female. She never did. And as soon as I was old enough to refuse to go to the doctor without getting smacked, I stopped going to him.
I'm wondering if I should change my daughter from that office. His practice has a female doctor, but the times that Little man has had to see her because his doc isn't in, I didn't like her. I don't know what I should do, because I do feel that a female should have a female doctor unless she feels comfortable...
I don't know.

I got nothing.

The kids are sleeping. I've got clothes in the machine. Daddy is playing a video game. (ah, yes, what a grown-up is he.)

I've got nothing to write about.

I'm moody, but I swear it's the pills. Yes, my stupid ass is still on them. The gyno seemed to be in such a rush the day of my check-up, I pussied out of asking about something else so I wouldn't feel like I was bothering him. So I notice that the week of the non-active pills (when I have my stupid period) I'm super moody and sensitive. I cried because I had to wash the damn dishes...GOD! Who does that? I cried because my son spilled his juice when I should have given him the sippy cup, but gave him a regular cup. I didn't cry this much during my pregnancies! And with Little Man's pregnancy I was a crier, I would cry over everything, but not this much. I need something else. Ladies: what is recommended? Obviously something low-hormone or NO-hormone...
About the check-up: he didn't notice anything out of the ordinary with my cervical cells this time...last time we had the pre-cancerous cells and I was going back every six months for a scraping. So far I haven't heard anything from them, and he said no news is good news... so here's hoping it stays that way, what with all the cancer going around all willy-nilly lately.

Preparations are done.

She's gone.
She lost her battle.
It took ten months for it to kill her.
And now where does her family go from here?

I had always wondered...

I had always wondered where the apartment building managers found their mailboxes for so many apartments. Then I found some commercial mailboxes and that was my answer right there. I mean, in NY where there are twenty-some odd floors of five or six apartments for each floor, that's a lot of mailboxes to have. It's funny, because the mailboxes in NY are a lot thinner, just to make room for all of them. Don't try to get a package sent, they'll leave it right on the floor for anyone to walk over.
What I never got to see was the type of mailboxes the single family and duplexes had. I can imagine they look like these residential mailboxes. Wherever we were, we were always around apartment buildings, never around pretty single family homes, so it's only now that we're starting to see people that get creative with their mailboxes, painting them to match their houses, having statues and such things.

Another introduction:

No, i didn't go and have another surprise baby. This time it's my sister. I finally grew some and gave her the url to here...and right now as I write this she is home reading...and laughing...and possibly cursing me out...who knows. I told her she gets to pick out her own nickname, since I want her to comment on stuff. So I'll let you guys know when she picks a name so you guys can say hi and ask her embarrasing questions about me....or if it's true that they found me in a garbage can and my mother took me in because she felt bad for me. (She really did say that to me. Had me believeing it for YEARS.)
So, to my sis...have fun reading all the shit I talk! LOL!

***Updated: She started a blog herself!!!! OMG! I have created a monster! Here she is: my sister, Best Nail Tec at The Way I See Things...(yes, it's spelled that way on purpose...). Go on over and say hello! She wrote a post out to see how it works...so give her some time to really get hooked and start with the snark like me!

WTF?

Can someone tell me why people drive with dogs on their laps? Seriously, what kind of abnormal attachment do you have to have with your friggin dog that you can't NOT touch him for the fifteen minutes it takes you to drive somewhere?
I've seen all these crazy people with their dogs, buying them carraiges and water fountains (WTF???) and clothes, but WHY DRIVE WITH ONE ON YOUR LAP? If you see your mutt as your child to treat them like one, wouldn't you want the dog in the backseat strapped to something instead of on your lap where it can get killed? Or get YOU killed? And people had nerve to talk shit about Britney when she drove with her kid on her lap...oh my GOD.


DON'T DRIVE WITH A DOG ON YOUR LAP.

They should really start giving tickets for that shit, especially since now they want to give tickets for people smoking, eating, drinking any beverage while driving...

UGH.

Sorry had to get that off my chest after seeing a fucking dingbat swerving all over the road...when I passed her I saw she had her mutt on her lap. I was pissed beyond reason.

Why I oughta....

What a mess. My basement floor-besides flooding every time it rains too much or when snow is melting- is full of nuts and bolts and various tools. I swear I try to pick them up and put them in the buckets and boxes Daddy has down there for the intention of holding said nuts, bolts and tools. With Christmas coming I'm planning on saving up so that I could buy him a nice storage bin with many nooks and pockets for all his fly-away thingies. Those things are expensive, but that way he can (hopefully?) keep his stuff organized and his tools won't get ruined everytime the stupid basement gets a nice layer of water in it.
This post brought to you by CarGuyGarage.com.

Because my heart is strong enough for this, right?

No one knows how to break a heart like a child does. Especially your own child...

Apparently Little Man has asthma now.

(say it with me now....WHAT???)

He was getting what seemed like a cold. Runny nose, slight cough. No fever. My buddies at Triaminic decided to make my life easier and made their cough medicine in chewable form so that my son thinks he's eating caaaaaandy and he loves taking it. So two days of chewable cough medicine didn't get rid of that slight cough. SLIGHT COUGH. The other night I didn't sleep, my son was wheezing like crazy. He couldn't take a deep breath without sounding so constricted. In the morning Daddy went to work (hesitantly) with his buddy, leaving me the car in case of anything. By nine I was out the door because he couldn't even get a sentence out without going into a coughing fit. The docs took him in right away and when they took his pulse/ox (oxygen levels in the blood) I swear the nurse went pale. She went and got the breathing machine with some albuterol in it and hooked him up right away. He was entertained with the smoke coming out on the other end...if he ends up smoking when he's older I'll blame them. Well, they checked his pulse/ox again and the goddamn levels went down. Nurse dashed out of the room and came back with a liquid steroid (which I later learned was prednisone because they weren't even really speaking to me much, just trying to get the boy to breathe, which hey I didn't mind.) THen they came back with a new mask with a new medicine and they left me there to hold the mask. Now keep in mind that I had the baby with me, there was no one available to take her while I went...so the baby is awake in her car seat watching all of this and suddenly my son starts throwing up into the mask. I'm ripping the thing off his face and trying to hold him so that he pukes on the floor and I'm screaming for the nurse and I'm crying and shaking all over...a nurse comes in and takes Little Man and I'm freaking out at this point because I didn't know where it was that Daddy was working that day and I had to have him there with me. I ended up calling my sister and she left a client with wet nails to make a mad dash to the hospital. If I remember correctly I said "I need you." and I don't remember saying much after that because my mind was racing but a few minutes later she was there. Little Man was already back in the room with me, and she started reading him the book giving me a breathing moment. She says I was pale. Who wouldn't be, seeing their child not even being able to breathe? Not knowing why the hell his oxygen levels are so low...
Finally his levels went up to a satisfactory level and we got sent home. The story was this: Little Man may or may not have asthma. It could have been triggered by his allergies (we're getting a horrible ragweed season this year) and could only be temporary (but happen every year) or his lungs could have finally let us know that he came out sick like Daddy. Daddy had horrible asthma growing up, he was in and out of the hospital on a monthly basis. So we got an appointment for the next day to check his levels again and to make another appointment for a month or so to check again. We got a script for albuterol and this is what he looks like when we give him the pump. (No that is not Little Man, I got that pic off google, you all know my baby is cuter, LOL) He thinks it's a toy. He is fascinated with the sound the inhaler makes and always wants to press the button.
He is fine now.
I'm still not. I haven't slept since it happened because I stay up listening to him breathe. I was told to go straight to the hospital if he even shows a hint of wheezing again. That pic I posted yesterday- yeah right. THe bags under my eyes are big enough to fill with the luggage you need for a trip to Europe for a month. My hair hasn't been done. Daddy comes up to me and hugs me once in a while, he knows that I've been spending my days just listening to the boy breathe. I never knew how much it would mean to take a breath of air (well, when I had the baby, same thing, because she wasn't breathing.) and when he jumps I want to tell him to stop, but I can't stop him from being a kid. He hasn't had to use the pump today, except for this morning as opposed to yesterday where he was taking it every four hours or so. SO I'm thinking that it may be the allergies fucking with him. I've never wished for allergies so much in my life.

At War

Daddy and I argue all the time about who the kids look like. I'm going to see what you guys think...don't ever tell Daddy I put this picture up...







Who do the kids look like?

"There's nothing else we can do..."

Great words. I know doctors hate saying them but...

"We're keeping her as comfortable as possible..."
Bullshit. There is no comfort for someone laying there, practically paralyzed, practically in a coma, watching everyone wait for them to die.

My mother went to New Jersey to be with her boyfriend as he grieves for his oldest daughter, 35 years old, a prominent lawyer, a wife and mother to a four year old baby...my mother went to wait with him for her to die.
Waiting for her to die.

In November she went to the doc because of migraines (this makes me feel great, you know....well those of you who know about me and my migraines...) and they found a tumor in her brain. Chemo was started quickly...but just three weeks ago everything stopped working. She went into a coma and they have tried many many things, but now she's just on morphine to 'make her comfortable' and wait for 'nature to take its toll.' The funeral arrangements have been made, the casket picked out, the house is on the market...
Her baby cries for her to come home. How do you explain to a four year old that Mommy isn't coming home anymore? That she won't be there for her first day of school? That she won't be there for prom? For a wedding? How can a father watch his daughter die, when this time last year she was perfectly healthy?
When my mother told me what was happening I stayed quiet. I put myself in her shoes, and I cried. No one wants to leave their babies. No one wants to see everyone gathered around their hospital bed, quiet and solemn, waiting for the machines to stop beeping.
I sent my condolences to my mother's boyfriend, knowing that no words will make any of this better. I wish there were.
No better yet, I wish Cancer would stop killing our loved ones. I wish it would stop invading people's bodies, killing their cells, killing plans and dreams.
Fuck you Cancer.
Fuck you.

Mind Jumble

I've got a lot of crap in my head. I'm hoping to spill some out. I'm stressed.

• I'm doing naked potty training, my son gets lazy with a pull up on so he's been flying commando for the past few days. It's working. Not one accident yet, and I stopped using M&M's as a bribe. Only thing is I'm afraid of going out in public right now without a pull up...I can say that I am tired of saying "Stop touching your guevos (spanish word for balls, only not as vulgar...for a kid)." and "Stop shaking you guevos in front of the baby!"
• The baby is already moving around when you put her on her belly. I know she'll be crawling soon, but I'm not in a rush. I was always excited to see what new thing my son was going to do, and he did everything early...but with her I'm not in a rush. This may be my last baby, and I'm just trying to savor every moment. Every smile, commited to memory. After every bath I swear I inhale her scent for like ten minutes. Every outfit I put on her, thousands of pictures... That girl loves her Daddy. If he's in the room she follows him. Her normally greedy ass will stop drinking just to follow him across the room. When he gets home from work she practically throws herself out of my arms or her bouncy seat to get to him. He melts into a puddle grabs her and disappears into the room to play with his princess.
• I've figured out that I have PPD. But it's funny because it's geared more towards my son. I hate myself for it. I have figured out that the way my mind is working is that I'm an 'expert' when it comes to the baby because I've already been through all this with my son, but with my son everything is new and stresses me out because there are things that I can't handle yet...not that I CAN'T handle it's just...I can't find the words. I'm counting to ten a lot when it comes to him, and I actually haven't been yelling lately (I'm a yeller...man, am I a yeller...) but this thought came to me the other night when I was laying down watching tv after everyone had gone to bed. I love my son. He is my life. I just have to become a better learner when it comes to this growing up thing he's doing.
• What's awesome is he sings many songs, and he counts. But he seems to have something against the number five, because he skips it. And fifteen...and when I call him out on it he says "I know mommy...one two three four six seven...."
• I have also come to the realization that my son will always be ignored by Daddy's family. Maybe my daughter will be too but I just notice Little Man for now. It pisses me off. And it makes me hate Daddy's family more and more because of it.
• My writing is going to be boring until I go back to work, all I have is stuff about the kids which God knows is probably boring to you all. I actually find myslef grateful for doing some paid posts, because at least they give me stuff to write about. I only pick ads that I can relate to and can incorporate into my life or someone life...but at least they get my wheels turning.
• This helped a little. My headache has actually gone down a lot. Sorry if I gave anyone a headache reading this...

An adrenaline rush

Last year when I was at the Office, some of those annoying door-to-door salesmen came in trying to sell me crap. I was about to push them out the door when they told me they had discounted passes to a paintball field in Mass. My ears perked like a dog...Daddy likes stuff like that. I bought twenty passes for thirty bucks, and Daddy and his friends (took him a while to gather up nineteen people) went paintballing at this field that was set up like a western type movie. When he came home (with swollen fingers and bruises on his back) he was so excited, he was like a five year old telling a story.

They want to go back.

Daddy started looking for his own paintball gun on online paintball stores. It was like a new obsession that only temporarily took over his car obsession...

For weeks all they could talk about when two or more of the guys got together was their paintballing experience, how they were teamed up against some 'pros' that had their own guns and equipment, and how badly they all wanted all these 'cool' guns they saw...

At least Daddy was smart enough to find a site that had good prices and free shipping, I'm teaching the man well.

He still hasn't bought the gun, but winter is coming and that's when they are planning to go paintballing again

Too many presents.

We have a birthday party for two little girls tomorrow. That's two presents to buy. Last month it was four birthday parties. FOUR. And one of them was for Friend's son, Devil Child, so I couldn't be cheap with him.
My son's birthday is coming and I'm thinking (really hard...) about a small little party for him. I figure with the baby here he needs something just for him, since she gets most of the attention from everyone. But these parties are killing me.


I need to tell my friends to stop having kids.

Going shopping with two kids- yeah, right!

I've already been thinking about shopping. First off, my son's birthday is in November, and Christmas follows very closely behind. I want to do something for Little Man's birthday, and the thought of going shopping for the party stuff alone has me stressed, never mind the thought of Holiday shopping...ugh.
The thing is my mother keeps telling me that I should just do all my shopping on Black Friday to knock it all out of the way. I laugh at her. I tell her that Yes, I may be up at the butt crack of dawn but it doesn't mean I want to be out shopping.
Then there's this site that lets you do your Black Friday shopping online, showing some great Thanksgiving deals. It's awesome, it even sends you alerts when new Black Friday deals are posted. Easy enough right? My favorite is the KB Toys specials, God knows that I'm going to be doing a lot of toy shopping every year now...
So is it cheating if I do all this stuff online instead of waiting in line at the stores like some poor unfortunate souls???

The Wedding I was supposed to write about a month ago...

So we went to the wedding and everything was beautiful. When we were in the reception they were about to cut the cake, The Groom surprised The Bride with a poem he wrote for her, and read it in front of everyone. That's what made me cry. She was bawling, I was trying to hold it in, and Daddy was sitting there laughing at me. Daddy took me out to dance, and that made me tear up, too (effing hormones) but he didn't notice. I got hit with a lot of memories, and I swear I fell in love with him a thousand times over again that night. Yeah, sap.
There weren't as many people as I thought were going to be there from high school, our table was really the only one. So about ten of us... it was still nice. The food, oh my God, the food. We had to stop somewhere as soon as we left to get something to eat. Those caterers should look into another business. We didn't go home, we went and got Friend and her husband, and another couple and we went out dancing all night. Thirty minutes into it I was already exhausted and was dying to go home and take my heels off, but at the same time I didn't want the night to end because we were having such a good time.

As for being a mommy of 2- HOLY HELL! Did anyone get any sleep after child number two was born? I mean, besides the fact that I have Little Man at home who screams on purpose when he realizes she is asleep (so she can wake up) but what about when the baby reaches that age when they don't stay asleep all the time? (Like my daughter is now...sleep mommy? what sleep?) Thing is, Daddy got a new job that has him leaving the house at 6:30 so he gets up about 5:45, and Little Man is getting up...and staying up. And then he won't nap. And he'll drive me crazy because he's crying and cranky because he's dead tired but sleep? What's sleep mommy? And God only knows that when they all fall asleep at night I can't go to sleep because there is still a lot to be done in the house. Sleep? Pppppbbbbbttttttt.

I'm thinking on going back to work soon. I updated my resume but haven't sent it anywhere. Updating it was a big step for me, sending it out is going to be bigger.

I noticed that IE7 is letting me sign in here, but it won't let me comment on your pages, I'm trying to see what the hell the problem is now, because that's just stupid. But know that I am there, and I'm reading. I wish I could comment on a lot...hopefully soon.

Hello out there!

I am here, hopefully I won't be having any more trouble with this laptop, I finally got it to let me sign in. Go figure, all I had to do was download stupid IE7, instead of using the 'old' IE6 that I was using. Hopefully, that was all I needed and I can write every day again.
Phew.
So much to say, and so little time (baby is taking a rare but much needed nap) I have a lot to catch up on with you guys.
Let me just give some pics and start reading what you guys have been up to for as long as I can before the baby wakes, and then when she really goes down (if I haven't fallen asleep as I usually do) I will start with the theraputic writing.

Did anyone miss me? DO you guys even stop here anymore???
Oh, crap I hear her moving...

Dying with this heat!

Ceiling fans are important to redirect the air conditioner's cool breeze, especially when the airconditioner I have is stupid and just wants all the air to stay right in front of itself...
My air conditioner is in my kitchen, that is my center room and the air can get into the rest of the rooms with the help of my ceiling fan.
My landlord has been promising me that she is going to remodel our kitchen and bathroom (she's been saying that since we moved in a year and a half ago, though, hmmm....) so whenever I can get my stupid computer to work I search for ideas on what I may specifically want in my kitchen or bathroom. I like the idea of having a more modern ceiling fan to go with a modern kitchen. I already know that she is going to be a cheap-o and I'll end up with a plain boring fan. Geez, even if she hooked us up with a nice craftmade fan, I wouldn't complain.....
Winter's almost coming here in New England, though, and I imagine I'll be putting the AC away very soon, but I know I'll still use the fan when I cook with the oven, so she better give me something nice...

Memories

Daddy and I have a wedding to attend today, one of his cousin's is marrying his high school sweetheart. (Everyone say it with me now....awwww!)

Whatever.

Hahaha, joking. I think it's sweet, Daddy could basically care less. So today we're getting all gussied up and leaving the kids with sitters (TILL TOMORROW!!!!!!) so we can have a nice time with people we haven't seen in ages. A lot of our high school friends are going to be there, we'll see how they react when they see that Daddy and I are together (those that don't know by now...like I said we haven't seen a lot of these people in YEARS!)

So seeing a wedding is going to spark up memories of when Daddy and I got together...hopefully he doesn't think I'm a tard if I cry. (Hey, I just had a baby, I'm chock full of some effed up hormones!)

I am HERE

I just wanted to let you all know I am alive and these two children have not ganged up on me and thrown me out the window.
Thing is for some reason I can't log in from the laptop anymore, I have to do it from the big computer, and well, that itself only works when it wants to so it leaves me shit out of luck when I want to write something. Bummer. SO here I am writing as quickly as possible before the thing decides to stop working again just to let you know I love you all! I miss you all like crazy! At least form the laptop I can log in to leave comments, and I didn't figure that out till a couple days ago...I' trying to catch up with you all.
A quick update: Little Diva turned two months old yesterday, weighed in at 10 lbs 10 oz and measured in at 23 1/2 inches at her check up. She hated her shots but slept for three and a half hours after we left the doc's office, which is the longest she has slept during the day since she came home from the hospital.
She is sleeping 6-7 hours at night and I love her for it.
Little Man...i need a whole post for him. there's a lot going on there.
Daddy- tomorrow is giving his two weeks notice to go work for a new job that pays three dollars more than he makes now (woo-hoo!) so lets keep our fingers crossed for that to be a good transition.
Okay, I have to feed the Diva child, next time I get to write I'll let you know why that is her name.
Oh, yeah, and my birthday is Sunday and I think it's going to suck ass.

And yet, I never listen to the news...

I hate watching the news. As much as they are informative with certain things they usually don't cover things that I would like to know about. Yes, I want to know about the accident that killed the poor 15 year old girl that was crossing a street (for God's sake, they really didn't see her in the middle of the friggin' day???)...but other things...ehhhhh...
Before I get off track- there was a news story the other night about people double and triple checking their travelers medical insurance. Apparently a lot of people are paying for insurance and it turns out they aren't covered for some reason or another if something happens. Fine print. Gotta love it. So I was watching the news story about the poor man and his family that went on vaca and one of his kids got hurt and the ER kept asking for insurance...long story short the man had to end up paying for everything out of pocket, which left them in super debt.
He mentioned a lot how he wished he had read the fine print on all the paperwork, because even the money he paid for the supposed insurance was non-refundable.
So, anyone taking vacations this year look into some short-term insurance, which they have individually or for full families...or even if you're going on a business trip there are even policies that cover corporate employees.
Me, being the nosey person I am started looking around for the agencies that cover travelers insurance, and this webite I've linked to has been one of the most informative and helpful sites I found. Easy to navigate, easy to understand their 'insurance talk'...look into it.

Progress?

We went to see my MIL yesterday.

Hmmmm.

Whatever her problem was it is over with, she saw the baby and fell in love because (according to her) the baby looks just like Daddy when he was a baby. So she even carried the baby, which she doesn't like to carry small babies she says it makes her nervous, but she wouldn't put my daughter down last night. The funny thing of it all was that my daughter loved her, she kept smiling up at her and she wouldn't go to sleep as long as my MIL was holding her. Daddy was glad.

Now I can take all the gifts my MIL had sent out from under the crib. YES- I put everything she sent under the crib, unopened and really unlooked at. I was NOT going to put anything on my daughter from that woman until she stopped with her bullshit. Seems childish, huh? Us spanish folks are very superstitious, God only knows what kind of mal-de-ojo (evil-eye) my MIL could have bought the gifts with, and it would somehow affect my daughter.

But all is fine and dandy, until the next bit of drama occurs, that is.

Tomorrow will be my first day away from the baby, Daddy asked my mother to babysit so he can wisk me away to a romantic (???) day at the races in New Hampshire. My mother is excited to spend her first full day with her grandbaby...I'm going to be a total nutcase without her. Little Man is coming with us. I'm going to be a total nutcase with him.
Hahaha.

Please........

.....don't hate me......

(see below)

Can I still shop?

So Friend brings me her laptop when she visits, and sometimes leaves it for those days or nights that I feel I want to kill someone...
That's when I get to blog and check my e-mail because God knows the stupid computer my sister gave me only works when it wants to so...
those few times when both kids are napping...those few and far between days, i actually get to browse after checking my e-mail, you know, when I should be washing dishes or napping myself...hahaha.
Skinny Bitch just told me that Wally World closed down its photo studios...which is where I used to take Little Man for his seasonal photos. I'm upset because despite the fact that it was Walmart, the pictures never came out that bad looking. And they had patience when Little Man didn't want to sit still. Now i'm going to have to go to Target for pictures. I've already been searching for Target coupons, seeing as how I have to cut corners everywhere. I am beyond brokity-broke, but I still want to get nice pictures of the kids. Just becasue I'm broke doesn't mean I can't look for good deals to get what I want. Daddy is happy enough, seeing as how I won't empty the bank account that way.
Right now I'm rocking the baby in her car seat, she's too small for the bouncy seat and won't just stay in the crib because for some reason she's wiiiiiiide awake right now even though she should be asleep. I've got a mean headache, and I've already taken my headache medicine. I need sleep. Please, Baby, go to sleep!!!!!!!!

Happy Father's Day

I've made plans with a few friends to go out next weekend sans kiddies. Daddy is staying with them. Let's see how that goes...
I haven't felt the way I did a few days ago...since then. So, good, right?
I found it weird too that the docs had put me on BC pills even though I'm not allowed "to insert anything into my va-jay-jay for six weeks" but they said something about regulating my period, seeing as how they couldn't get an "exact estimate' (their words) on my daughter's gestational age, my period has always been out of wack, and they think the pills will get me all 'normal'. I figure if I end up tying my tubes, who cares if my periods are regular, right?

Today Daddy and I took Little Man to Fantasy Land with Friend and her family. The kids had a great time, and they didn't even throw a fit when it was time to go, because they were already worn out and ready to pass out. I wanted to get a picture with Daddy and Little Man, but Daddy hates pics and would watch me to see when I reached for the camera so he could duck out of the way. I'm going to get a pic of him with the kids sooner or later...I did get a pic of him and the baby 'dancing' but he would kill me if I posted it. He used to do it with Little Man, too, put the music on and dance around the living room and i caught him doing it with the baby (SHE NEEDS A NICKNAME!!! ANY SUGGESTIONS?) so i grabbed a pic...

I have such a migraine right now, all that fantasyland fun got to me. I think that's why my sentences aren't really making much sense. So HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to the men who check in here, hope your day was great. I'm off.

Over and out.

I broke down

At my 6-week post partum check-up I'm going to accept a list of therapists from my gyno.

Yesterday was a bad day for me. Daddy called me at three telling me that he was on his way home from work. "YAY!" was all I could think. "FINALLY!"
Four Thirty came around and still no sign of him. I called him, on the verge of tears..."Where are you?" It may have come out a little stronger than I intended, due to the immense stress I felt. "At work, Man Whore came to order some parts and we're here talking." "You said you were coming home two hours ago." Now I just sounded naggy, I heard it myself but couldn't stop it. "Diana, I'll be home soon. I'm leaving right now."
I threw my phone down and just started bawling like a child. My poor son left his movie to come ask me what was wrong and I felt like an asshole for even letting him see me this way. My son should never have to see me cry.
WHen Daddy walked through the door, I thought I had collected myself. I had washed my face, took a few deep breaths, and I figured it was just a moment of hormonal shift. (I was put on birth control pills until we decide if we want to tie my tubes or not. That's another story.) But I looked at him and I broke down again. "I want to get out of this house." was all I could say to him. He hugged me and started asking me questions.
Here is what we established: The baby decided she didn't want to sleep at all that day, so I was up, too.
Little Man still doesn't want to listen to me.
Little Man thankfully hasn't been jealous with the baby but he wants to help and thinks he is big enough to hold her and feed her and burp her so I'm constantly having to tell him to get away from her.
I can't go anywhere while he's at work, because he takes the car. (His got banged up, remember?)

So I lost it.
We decided to see how the next few days go, to see if it was just a momentary thing, and if I feel like that again that I would call the insurance myself and get a list of doc's, if not then I can wait two weeks to talk to my gyno, whose opinion and recommendations I trust. The insurance company...well, they are stupid and the last time I asked them for the number to a therapist they gave me the number to a rehab place. Hmmm...

So funny how Nita just commented on me accepting anyone's help...I would if anyone was offering. I've hinted to my sister to start taking Little Man for a few hours a week just to give me a break and no go. She isn't too good at hints, but I also don't want to start worrying people and losing it in front of them, too. My mother's knee has been bothering her (the doc says she has a gout) so her taking Little Man is kinda...ehhhh....
So I'm taking it one day at a time, that's all I can do.
I was okay today. She slept, Little Man listened a tiny bit...
still...
*sigh*
I think it's the pills.

Too late for me to find this...

When I was still working at the office, My Prince had told me about a drunk driver taking his mailbox out one night. He was in a bit of a bind because where we live (in the city) it is rare to find one of those nice mailboxes you see outside at the end of people's driveways. All the Home D's here sell the type of mailbox that you stick (nail, whatever) to the side of your front door and call it a day. The thing is that I don't think My Prince wanted his mailman to walk a 5K just to get to his mailbox, seeing as how he has one of those driveways that go on forever. I never did find out if My Prince ever found a new mailbox...
Funny how today I saw these: residential column mailboxes, I bet a drunk driver wouldn't be able to wipe one of these out! I wish I could tell My Prince about it...but I haven't really spoken to anyone from the office since I left.
And it would have been nice if my boss had one of these commercial mailboxes, where each individual agent could have had their own box, then they wouldn't have been complaining to me if they didn't get their mail, it would have been the mailman's fault.
It's making me want to order a nice fancy mailbox for our house, so we could at least have something pretty there, seeing as how our bathroom ceiling is never going to be fixed and now I want something to compensate...even though a new bathroom ceiling would be preferred...
whatever.

Hazy

Yeah, i'm dead tired.

It's catching up to me now, the having a newborn and a toddler. Why haven't any of you told me how tired I would be? Why haven't any of you told me that no matter how good my daughter sleeps that my son will still wake up at the butt-crack of dawn and start crying for milk when I just laid down after feeding the baby?

Why haven't any of you told me that it doesn't matter if Daddy gets up with the baby that i will still be awake, making sure he's 'doing it right'? My anal ass still checks up on him when he's dealing with Little Man...I have to cut that shit out. I need sleep.

I need a babysitter for Little Man for a couple hours a day so I can sleep.

Because that's all I think about...

2 a.m feeding? My thoughts: if I put her down now I can at least sleep till six before she gets up again...and then maybe I can sneak a nap in before Daddy and Little Man get up...

2 p.m feeding? My thoughts: If I can get her and Little Man to fall asleep together, then maybe I can take a nap at least for a couple hours...

It's all I can think about.

I'm done worrying about the house.

The living room has been declared a disaster area.

The dishes need to be washed with a Hazmat suit on.

I don't think I've cooked in weeks...

And don't get me started on the mess in my bathroom due to the stupid leak that STILL hasn't been fixed. That water coming down is nasty.

The only thing I can do faithfully is take the garbage bag out of the garbage and put it out in the hall (for Daddy to throw away) because I can't take the smell of the diapers.

But hey, I bought some great looking sandals: you like? (don't mind the retarded way my toes look here, I was trying to balance one foot out and balancing is NOT my forte...so my stupid big toe looks like it's coming off the sandal. I am NOT one of those chicks that puts on sandals that do not fit...) Yeah, and don't point out that I need some polish because I know...I've been trying to book a pedi with my special person, and the bitch (my sister, hehehe) is always booked when I have free time.

So your homework assignment (for you folks with two children, or more, or even what you've seen or heard) is to WARN ME! Tell me what I'm going to go through. Tell me terror stories so that I'm not surprised when they happen to me. Tell me cute stories so I can remember to smile when they happen. Tell me EVERYTHING. ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING.

Laughable...but not really.

• So the ceiling in my bathroom crashed down...into my bathroom. Nice huh? Selfish moved back in upstairs this past weekend after her drama a few months ago. She hired some half-priced contractors to re-do her kitchen and bathroom area (make the bathroom bigger and the kitchen smaller, she doesn't friggin' cook.) The thing is that the half-priced contractors are apparently half-assed workers, because besides the fact that they haven't been to the house to do any work since Thursday, they also left something leaking in her house that soaked my bathroom ceiling and sent the ceiling crashing. I hate being a renter, because i called Selfish to tell her and do you think they have come to fix anything? NO! And now I have dirty water leaking into my bathroom sink. It smells. Thank God we're planning on moving.


• So I was online searching for ways to aleviate Daddy's back pain without him having to be so doped up...You guys have to read the second paragraph at this site, it's hilarious. I went and told Daddy his pain is psychosomatic and he told me all my headaches were pshychosomatic. So I was all intrigued at the site and started surfing...and God almighty if I didn't laugh hard at some things that were written there! Like the hyperventalating dog...seriously??? Call your VET!!! I can't say that a lot of the questions are not legit and well, not funny, but that one got my sides to hurt. But wait- here's another funny one...someone wants to make a cake that requires an OVEN using a microwave. HMMMMMMM?????? While the back question was really helpful, as are others, those kill me.


• I think I need to think of better ideas to potty train my son. While he's peeing fine (with M&M's as a bribe of course) he still won't tell me when he has to poop. He's done it before (twice to be exact) but now he leaves it to me to discover it when he knocks me over with his stench. Ideas? Tips? Mind you the M&M's are only working for pee-pee, I've tried offering him more for poop but NOPE! Not having it!

And a gratuitous baby photo of Daddy making the baby smile and making me jealous:

Just stuff.

This picture is going to get enlarged and put on the living room. It's funny how he looks so much darker than her, but he's waaaaay lighter than her. She's getting to be Daddy's color, but her hands are still my color. (You know, the fish-belly yellow...LOL!)
I love the face she was making at him here. He had just kissed her and she made the face.

So I'm tired. Surprised? I'm not, but man, the bags under my eyes can swallow you whole.

Daddy got rear-ended the other day. His neck and back are messed up, docs took him out of work for a week (YAY! I get adult company for a week!) and he's doped up on muscle relaxers and pain killers. The car is fine, it can obviously take a beating, but now he's set on getting rid of it. I just shrug, it's his car...as for my car, I want to get rid of it because I need something a little bigger and more comfortable. Thinking on maybe an SUV again, but the gas prices...grrrrrrrrrrr.

I may start the blogging for money thing again, but I'm not sure if I'm going back to PPP, there's another one I found that's less commercialy (is that a word?) and they offer pretty good money. I need money. Unemployment is giving me $80 less than I was making at work, and with two kids and rent, we are cutting it close. Too close for my comfort.

Oh, God my head hurts. Little Man has taken to running around and screaming his head off, by the end of the day my temples feel like they are going to pulse right off my face.

Typing with one hand...

...because I'm holding my daughter. (SQUEEEEEEAAAALLL!!!!)
Sorry, I'm still a little excited.

Girls are totally different than boys. Little Man hardly slept, was always attached to the boobage, would instantly fuss if he even thought I was going to eat...this one (she doesn't have a nickname yet...) she eats, sleeps and poops. Literally. Yeah, I know she's only 16 days old and it'll change, but Little Man was set in his ways as soon as we were released from the hospital. She is already having a lot of awake time, which I'm trying to keep during the day so she can learn to sleep at night so I can keep my sanity. Or find it again. Whatever.
She smiles so much, mostly with her Daddy (bastard!) and he loves every second of it. We have a new bet going on whether she will say Mommy or Daddy first, just as we had with Little Man. I lost the bet with our son...the kid said Daddy first in a moment of anger while I was changing his stinky diaper. Yep, he cried "Daddy!" in that pitiful way only a child can do... I'm hoping she lets me win my money back.

We are looking for a new place to live, since our place is very very small and already getting uncomfortable with her arrival. Little Man is staying in the bed with us (ugh...) and she is sleeping in the crib. When we move we're planning on buying Little Man a nice Spidey bed so he can actually sleep in it (he's got an obbsession with the spidey guy right now.) She will keep the crib, which is still in brand spankin' new condition since Little Man only used it for a year.

I can't believe the person this little girl has brought out of my husband. From the second she was out it was like he changed, he is softer and more affectionate. We have never been touchy-feely people, we don't say "I love you" to eachother too often, we cuddle once in a while...but now he's doing all of that more. It's crazy. The commercial is right, having a baby changes everything. Little Man had an effect on him, too, just not to this extent.

She is healthy and strong so far. We have her two-week appointment tomorrow to check her weight and all that good stuff, and hopefully everything is still great. She is a strong eater, already going for four full ounces in one sitting, every four hours like clockwork. I can set a schedule by her, while with Little Man I couldn't do ANYTHING because he would take in a little milk here and a little there, never getting full and always needing to be fed. She's going to be a drama queen, we already know. Besides her dramatic and overwhelming entrance to our world, she cries funny when she's hungry. How mean are we that we watch her cry while we hold the bottle instead of just giving it to her...with a smile on our faces. Yeah, we're assholes. But what she does is she cries a little bit, stops to see if we're watching or if she sees the bottle coming, and she lets out this little scream...I can't describe it. It's like she's yelling at me already. And we laugh.

She is going to look like Daddy, we think. She is already darkening up. So she is going to look like him and act like me while Little Man looks like me and acts like Daddy. Little Daddy is in love, too I forgot to mention that last night. His mother is pissed (who cares really?) that he wants to come over all the time to play with Little Man and see his new baby sister.

Okay, my back hurts from sitting here like this, so I'm done. Don't want permanent back pain over here... But I think I will be able to post more often, so watch out now! More boring New-Mommy-Again stories and photos from that wonderful digital I still haven't broken...LOL!

Holy SHIT!!!!

I finally got to log in!!!!


I've been coming to Friend's house trying to log in non-stop with no success, I think blogger was mad at me for some reason.





I have so much to tell you guys...first of all I have someone to introduce you to...please don't hate me for not telling you sooner...


meet our daughter.





Let me give you a minute to let that sink in.


We have a daughter.


A beautiful little girl born the 18th of May, at 6 lbs. 2 oz.


fear and nerves and the fact that we didn't want to DEAL with the "Oh, I'm so sorry, Diana." and "These things happen..." and well, BULLSHIT!!!

There are so many reasons I didn't tell you guys, but none of them seem good enough now. And I regret it. But even as we were walking into L&D,(well, Daddy was walking and I was nearly at a crawl) with blood falling from my crotch and into a pool below me, I felt we were having another loss. In fact they TOLD me we were having a miscarraige. They were prepping me for a D&C until I told them I felt something come out of me...they lifted the blanket and HEY! Let's try giving her an ultrasound! And there was still a heartbeat. And then there was a whole arm shoved up my insides and "UPSTAIRS! She's NINE CENTIMETERS!" It was an episode of ER live and in person for us. The speeding through the halls on the gurny, the nurses screaming at people to get out of the way, me clutching my stomach because holy hell I was in pain and it was TOO SOON!!! She wasn't supposed to be here for another month and a half. Daddy's face as pale as I've ever seen him, and he's dark so it is freaky seeing him so pale. No time for meds, no epidural no morphine just PUSH NOW! was what I was told and I kept screaming at them to just kill me because IT HUUUUUURT! Daddy holding my hand and my leg and trying to comfort me and stay calm himself at the same time, twenty minutes later she came out. 7:40 p.m, but she didn't cry. The NICU team surrounded her, not letting us see her. We didn't even know that she was a girl for another twenty minutes, when her apgars finally went up to 9 (they started at 4).

The head NICU doc stayed with her in my room for an hour and a half, telling me he would probably have to take her and keep her for a week or so. Daddy not wanting to call anyone, because if she didn't make it I didn't want anyone near me. I didn't want to be comforted again. There is no comfort for loss. NONE. I wouldn't have been able to handle it again. When the doc decided she could stay with me instead of going to the NICU, Daddy went outside and started with the phonecalls. Can you believe that I have people angry at me? Like my MIL, who still has yet to come and see my daughter... I can't even wrap my mind around the fact that people can be angry at us for having this beautiful little girl, that they can be so shallow and stupid to be angry at me for having my miracle baby...my daughter.

My daughter.

Oh my GOD, I have a daughter.

Little Man is in love....




I'm in love. Daddy's in love, when he gets home from work he takes her and doesn't let me touch her. "She's Daddy's little girl." he says to me.
Her middle name is the word miracle in Portuguese, she's our miracle baby. Probably our last try...

Those of you reading this, don't be angry with me for not sharing this as soon as we found out...

I never had even told my bossman (who still won't talk to me mind you...I don't know if word got back to him yet about her...)

I have to go now...I want to check in with you guys and let you know I got to write a new post........