Monday, September 10, 2007

"There's nothing else we can do..."

Great words. I know doctors hate saying them but...
"We're keeping her as comfortable as possible..."
Bullshit. There is no comfort for someone laying there, practically paralyzed, practically in a coma, watching everyone wait for them to die.

My mother went to New Jersey to be with her boyfriend as he grieves for his oldest daughter, 35 years old, a prominent lawyer, a wife and mother to a four year old mother went to wait with him for her to die.
Waiting for her to die.

In November she went to the doc because of migraines (this makes me feel great, you know....well those of you who know about me and my migraines...) and they found a tumor in her brain. Chemo was started quickly...but just three weeks ago everything stopped working. She went into a coma and they have tried many many things, but now she's just on morphine to 'make her comfortable' and wait for 'nature to take its toll.' The funeral arrangements have been made, the casket picked out, the house is on the market...
Her baby cries for her to come home. How do you explain to a four year old that Mommy isn't coming home anymore? That she won't be there for her first day of school? That she won't be there for prom? For a wedding? How can a father watch his daughter die, when this time last year she was perfectly healthy?
When my mother told me what was happening I stayed quiet. I put myself in her shoes, and I cried. No one wants to leave their babies. No one wants to see everyone gathered around their hospital bed, quiet and solemn, waiting for the machines to stop beeping.
I sent my condolences to my mother's boyfriend, knowing that no words will make any of this better. I wish there were.
No better yet, I wish Cancer would stop killing our loved ones. I wish it would stop invading people's bodies, killing their cells, killing plans and dreams.
Fuck you Cancer.
Fuck you.


DD said...

Stories like this rip out my heart. One can say she's too young to die, but is there a too old of an age to die of cancer?

So sad.

Noe said...

i'm really sad for your family.
and there are no words at this time, just to say i will keep you all in my prayers.

Tuesday Girl said...

It is terrible.
Fuck cancer.

Mama of 2 said...

Please express my condolences to your mom's boyfriend. Parent's aren't supposed to bury their children.
And babies aren't supposed to grow up without their mothers.

I agree with your cancer sentiments completely!

Maria said...

I'm with you. Fuck the hell out of cancer. Just fuck it. It only our rage could kill it.

Diana said...

thanks for your thoughts guys. she's still holding on so far...

Melissa said...

Oh my God. My heart just sunk to my stomach. As I am sure it did for any mother, any woman, reading that post for we were all thinking about the horror of it all.