Unacceptable.

I got the news Monday morning. Open work e-mail and there it is: "Co-Worker has lost his son in a car accident..."
I lost it.
Monday morning. 8 a.m.

I lost it.

No parent should ever have to bury their FUCKING CHILDREN. This is UNACCEPTABLE.

18 years old. Just graduated high school. Has his whole life ahead of him.

Had.


Today was the wake, I went with K my office mate, and her sister. They come from the same small town as Co-Worker. Standing in the receiving line my mind was a mess. I needed a distraction. I noticed the girl standing in front of us had a safety pin holding her skirt together. It kept my mind off of the reason I was in this line. K would say things, she had been here before. Same funeral home. For her nephew. A car accident years ago.
"Same wallpaper."
Why wouldn't she wear another shirt to cover that safety pin?
"Oh, Look at so-and-so, I haven't seen her since High School."
She has to know people can see the damn thing.
"Sister, do you remember him? From the dry cleaners?"
Why do I care about this safety pin?

I paid my respects to my co-worker and his family.

I said hello and good-bye to his 18 year year old baby.

I drove home with the radio turned waaay too loud.

I grabbed my children and didn't let go for so long, they actually complained.
They are too young to understand.

UNACCEPTABLE.

I had spoken to K about what people would say about this. About why it happened. She said to me "When my nephew went, someone actually told my sister it was meant to be. I thought she would spit in their face." I get that. Why would it be "meant to be" to take such a young life? Why can't we all die old and wrinkled and full of happiness, peacefully in our sleep. I think like a child. I can't help it.

UNACCEPTABLE.