Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Thursday, July 24, 2008

This is what the world is coming to...

Craziness. Oh, so sad. One of my co-workers told me about this one and she was on the verge of tears. She has had a similar situation happen, but obviously with a different outcome. How very sad that she couldn't find another way... her poor husband and son...

More craziness. This hit especially close to home, literally. This bank robbery (yes, robbery, not ATTEMPTED robbery as they were originally saying) was down the road from the college where my mother works. The suspects both ran into the backyard of a nearby house, where they were cornered by the police. Here is where the news gets fuzzy - because they are so concerned with this 'image'...
One suspect shot at the cops, hit one so they shot him. Understandable. The other suspect somehow jumped the fence in the midst of the shootings and ran into the college. And hid. My mother called me, whispering, "I'm okay." I was confused "what are you talking about mom?" I was at work, don't exactly have a tv playing in front of me. She hurriedly told me and then said she had to get off the phone. She told me there was money scattered everywhere and she could hear shots going off. I was shaking at this point. "I'm okay, we are locked in my office, he couldn't get in if he tried." How true, the reinforced doors that were put in years ago, no window, not an easy thing to overcome. Eventually they got him. He was hiding for hours. The college and every single street leading to and from it was locked down. But notice how the news will not mention the college. Bad publicity. Thankfully, no one at the college got hurt in any way, and I know that's the only way they would have mentioned the college...but he's caught. Thank God. This hit way too close...

But this is our world now. People are so desperate for money and everyone's lives are going to shit because of our wonderful economy. But there isn't a recession right? No depression either?

Monday, July 21, 2008


For years I have cried at the fact that my father spells my name wrong. Yes, he really does. Like Noelia - I use my second name. When my father sends me mail he uses my birth name, which he. spells. wrong. Every time. Without fail. It's just one letter, but it's still WRONG.
Well, what's worse - is my mother forgets my birthday. After they had gotten divorced my mother dated a guy whose birthday was the day before mine. For some reason, after they had broken up she always wished me a happy birthday the day before my birthday. I know it's probably unintentional but she is my MOTHER. She birthed me! How can she forget my birthday!
Last night my mother called me and invited us all to a nice dinner at her house to take place tonight. She didn't say it was my birthday dinner...just dinner. I came home for lunch to spend some cuddling time with Daddy and the kids and my mother calls me, laughing hysterically. "The dinner is not tonight!" She says. "Okay..." "I did it again! I planned the dinner for your birthday so it's going to be tomorrow! Not tonight! SORRY!" She was still laughing. I didn't find it funny. I told Daddy the dinner has moved to tomorrow, because it is, in fact my birthday dinner. He laughed too. I don't see the humor in my own flesh and blood fucking up like this!
Okay, so it's a little funny.
Only a little.

Tomorrow I turn 25 again. Last year I swore I was never turning older than 25, and I'm keeping that promise. I'm really turning 26 but don't tell anyone, m'kay?

Sunday, July 20, 2008

A picture is worth a thousand words

This picture was taken an afternoon that a friend of mine asked for the kids to come over. An afternoon without kids? HELL YES! I went and had my sister wax my eyebrows and chit-chatted while the kids went and destroyed her backyard. At the time this picture was taken, Baby Girl had already taken her hair out of the ponytails the babysitter had put it in(she did some Medusa-type hairstyle that actually looked a little ridiculous I can see why she wanted them out), and Little Man had peeled off his band-aids to show off the adhesive that wonderfully sticks to ones skin.
They are gorgeous. They are huge.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Baby Steps

I have taken some steps that will better our future. I will not speak of them yet, as I do not want to jinx anything. I am a firm believer in jinxing things, I speak of that all the time.
So, here's my deep breath : *sigh* and here's to my jump into the unknown.
Today my mother asked me why we live here if my SIL hates me so much and I broke into tears (the come so easily these days) and all I could manage was "We can't afford anywhere else to live..."
We're still waiting on the call...
I hate waiting.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I'm starting to feel a *little* better

but not enough. We still haven't heard anything about the job, we're in the middle of week three of him not working. He's been staying with Little Man, it's an adventure all around.
I did have this post all ready about how Little Man finally left my bed and ventured out on his own to the futon in the living room: no joke! for two straight days he ASKED to sleep in the futon by him self "like a big boy" and he slept through the night both nights! HOLY HELL! But of course, since I told my mother about it I jinxed myself and last night he only made it through half the night. It would have been his third night, but... 2 a.m that boy was walking back to my room. It was nice while it lasted, really. My bed is actually quite spacey when it's only me and Daddy in it! Tonight there wasn't even an effort, he just came straight to the bed to sleep. *sigh*. until the next time he wants to feel like a big boy I guess...

Bills IQ

I took the bills IQ test to see how financially fit we are.
I got a 74%, which is a C, average. I am well aware of my debt but there is nothing really being done about it. Well, right now really isn't the time to even get into that...

I learned that payment history is the greatest factor in the calculation of your credit score. That's a big one for me. A few cards I had before I had Little Man are in default, and I know that I want to fix them, but I am going to have to seek professional help in doing so, maybe some debt consolidation. I know the importance of checking up on my credit score, but let me tell you I doubt that anyone would want to steal my identity at this point. (haha) I have spoken to Daddy already about paying off my cards, i just need us to be financially stable (read: him with a job!) so that I can put money away for this. I need to put money away for Little Mans schooling coming up, too now that I think of it... I think the only thing I have that's in the 'good range' of the quiz is the 401K and life insurance I signed up for at work.

When comparing my test results to others, mine is well below the average score, and that's good to know. Someday I will be up again...
(How's that for optimism? Am I improving?)

Sunday, July 13, 2008

What is your name?

Just because things are really shitty around here doesn't mean the kids stop being cute. Little Man is really into 'writing' right now. There is almost always a pen and paper in his hand, and he 'writes' things down. They are usually a scribble...
Well today he comes to me in the room and says "Mommy, I'm writing your name."
"Okay baby, and what is my name?" He has called me by my name before so I was expecting him to say it...instead he says "Mrs. Doriguez."
I look at Daddy, who is already smiling.
"Baby what's your name?" I ask.
"Little Man Doriguez."

It's too funny that he is even saying (or closely saying) our last name...
I love it. I'll be sad the day he says it correctly.

*Still waiting for the 'you're hired!' phonecall for Daddy. Please keep praying or thinking, or doing your rain dances. They have helped before...thank you for thinking of us.

Stem Cell Research reaching different levels

We've all heard of Stem Cell research with banking your child's umbilical cord blood to be stored away until it's needed to fight diseases and such things...well now there are scientists saying that stem cells found in a woman's menstrual cycle are becoming key in the treatment of many life threatening diseases such as Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, heart disease, and even strokes. These stem cells that are safely and easily harvested from a woman's menstrual cycle are taken to be processed and stored at very low temperatures for their future use in in cellular therapy. It is also being said that these cells may also be used for sports medicine or anti-aging therapy...who doesn't love that idea?
Stop in and check out some C'elle client testimonials and see what all the buzz is about.
You never now, this 'curse' we all complain about may one day end up saving your life, or a loved ones life.

one car is parked until further notice.

one car is parked. no more eating out. (crap, i have to cook! lol)
the sad thing is i still make too much alone for us to get public assistance...

Police need to stay safe...

I watch TRUTV all the time. It's a sickness. World's Wildest Police Videos, Cops, World's Stupidest name it I'm there...when I can actually sit and watch tv anyway...
Policemen put their lives on the line everyday to protect people, they always need to be geared up to a T...
It's a good thing they are supplied with tactical gear to keep them alive during these scary situations. Everything form flashlights that connect to guns to under-armour clothing...they need everything they can get to keep them safe so they can continue to keep us safe.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

I'm here...

I"m alive. That's saying a lot.
We're going into the third week of Daddy not working.
I think I should start packing our stuff since we won't be able to live here much longer.
He had an interview last Wednesday but we haven't heard anything, and they don't know that we are on an emergency-need-to-know-now type situation.

Friday, July 04, 2008

For all of you:

Be safe everyone!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Let's just make things a *little* better around here...

Tomorrow there is a company meeting for Daddy's job.

It determines who falls under the 80% of the employees that are going to get laid off as of tomorrow's meeting.

Who wants to place bets that Daddy falls into the 80%? I'll put money on it...

***Edited to add : I wasn't going to write anymore, but I can't seem to walk away right now***

I have lost a considerable amount of weight lately. Not due to exercising or dieting as normal people would, I have just been so stressed out...
It's enough that people have been making comments about it. Daily. I get a lot of "You look good, though." So, is that a way to make me feel better about it? Most of my work clothes are extremely loose fitting right now so I can't even wear most of them. I have been eating. I figure I would throw that in there in case anyone felt deemed to ask...
My mother bought the kids some clothes for the summer, sandals, beach towels, sunglasses. I am really grateful but it makes me feel so shitty at the same time that WE can't buy this stuff for them. This keeps me up at night. This has me distracted at work. You can mold the skin under my eyes into shapes and take pictures and display it as art...that's how saggy and baggy my eyes are. My hair is falling out. This is the ugly truth. This is the ugly me. Daddy is trying so hard to be optimistic about it all and I smile in front of him so he won't see...he hugs me. He lingers in a hug...
I don't think he knows how much I cry. No one does, I have only let it out here, really.
Something that killed me the other day: I don't even know what set it off but I ended up breaking down in the kitchen, the kids were in the living room happily playing. Or so I thought. They both ended up in my lap, and my babies were trying to wipe my tears away. They should never see me cry like that, and they did. Someday they will understand that I just want to make a good life for them. Things weren't supposed to be like this. Daddy and I were supposed to do so much better for them.
And the government still says we aren't in a recession.
Tomorrow marks another shitty day.
Unemployment for him won't cover what we pay. Jobs around here...ha. Good joke. There basically are no jobs around here.
Even the paid posts are few and far between, there are so many people working with the companies now that the jobs get snatched up before I can get to any.
I should go to bed. I should try to sleep tonight.

(Tuesday wrote this. Very true. I'm very Mom-In.)