Strange Happenings

My little girl is using the potty. She is a year and a half old and she comes to me daily and says "Mommy! KAKA!" and she means it, she has to go.
I've always heard that girls are easier than boys to potty train, and that they usually do it sooner than boys, but this is crazy. She won't ask to go peepee, she still hasn't gotten that feeling down, but hey, poopie in the potty is a lot easier to clean than in a diaper. LOL!
I have to get her a potty chair or that toilet seat cover thing, because right now it's been me holding her on the seat so she won't fall in, it's a sight to see. My arms hurt.
But this is awesome. Soon, no more diapers???

Santa

Little Man was in line saying "I will not be afraid..." over and over under his breath. Last year we couldn't even go near Santa, this year he made himself very brave. Baby Girl cried after the flash went off, the photographer was going to try to get a picture with her smiling...I laughed. "Hey, we GOT a picture this year, that makes me happy enough." Santa was very nice, he patiently listened as Little Man stuttered his way through his list, his nerves were getting the best of him, but he told Santa about the bed he wanted. And he threw in a Minnie Mouse bed in his request for his little sister. It was a god time.
BUT! We made a pit stop in Wal Mart afterward to get some diapers for the baby, and who is sitting right in front of the store welcoming everyone? Another Santa. Little Man looked up at me and asked me how he got there so fast. "Well, Baby, remember I told you about Santa's sleigh...it flies? Well, he can fly over the traffic that we have to stop in, so he can get anywhere fast." The Wal Mart Santa laughed, and Little Man got to take another (FREE! DAMMIT! I should have gone there for the picture!) picture with Santa. Baby Girl was asleep in the stroller, so she missed the second dose of St. Nick. This Santa thing gets a little hard to explain, how do parents do it for so long?

Trying again this year...

Last year we didn't make the Santa visit in time. The one day that I was brave enough to venture to the mall with them, the line was ridiculous and we nixed the visit. We are going to attempt going today, because Little Man has to show Santa which "ka-Chow!" bed he wants because "Santa has to bring me the right one, Mommy." Hmmmm. I think that Baby Girl will not sit on his lap, she is very wary of strangers, and I already told Daddy I am NOT sitting on an old man's lap just to get my kids to sit there. I'm all set, thanks.

I got my new best friend inserted Black Friday. Yeah, that was fun. It didn't hurt, some cramping but the fact that I was told to go home and lay down and suddenly Daddy (who hates shopping by the way) decided we should go to the mall...ON BLACK FRIDAY...to walk around. Oh Jesus, he almost died. We had to get Baby Girl her dressy winter coat to wear for Christmas...we could have waited. Not according to Daddy of course... But whatever. I'm good.

Did anyone do Black Friday shopping? How did it go? I love hearing war stories...

Pictures with Santa (if htey get taken!) will be posted.
TTFN!

Still going crazy here....

BUT! I at least have a moment to sit and write...as my children kill eachother in the living room.
I had my annual gyno appointment 6 months too late, and after all the insurance bullshit I had to deal with just to get this appointment and shifting around my work schedule and trying to prepare myself mentally for another 2 years of cervical scraping because of 'possible cancerous cells' I got good news and some 'eh' news.
The good (GREAT!?!?) news is that there are no more 'suspiciously possible cancerous cells' (for now) and I don't have to endure that wonderful pain every six months with the scarping...
The 'eh' news is that my uterus has become flaccid. I now have a tilted uterus, and when I googled the images it made me laugh, because it looks funny. Doc told me that if we want to have more kids (HA! you think I'm trying THAT again? Yeah, guy, I'm all set with all the disappointments I've had AND my two are more than a handful!) we would probably have to have some corrective surgery because more than likely it will all end up in more disappointments anyway. Maybe my uterus was tilted before we tried having Little Man? Maybe after Little Man? Maybe my miscarraiges were DUE to the tilt and no one bothered to tell me? I will never know. NOW is when it is documented and they are chalking it up to my pregnancy with Baby Girl.
So that's that.
My semi-permanent five year plan is going under way as soon as Aunt Flo pays us a visit, Mirena will be my new bestie. Any thoughts/opinions/experiences?

I have a new(ish) camera that I got from my sister, but it has no usb and no charger (thanks sis?!) so I have to get a new one of each before I can go back to picture taking. It has a lithium ion battery so it has to be charged, instead of just being able to pop new batteries in like my old camera. But it takes pretty decent pictures... so I'm not going to complain. I have to get the kid's Christmas Card pictures taken...and I have to remember to print more out this year, last year I printed only 15 and I thought that would be enough (HA!).

ummm. why didn't I think of that?

Me: Ouch.
Little Man : What happened Mommy?
Me: My belly hurts, baby.
Little Man: well, put a band-aid on it.

single...

single parenting sucks.
I've been exhausted and aggravated and having a whirlwind of emotions flying through me at the speed of light. I give so much credit to the women that do this on their own, and with multiple kids, because it has been hard as hell for me, and that's only with Daddy working long hours, it isn't like he's gone.

Little Man turned four on Friday, we waited until Daddy got out of work to cut his cake. So we were eating cake at 10 p.m. Yep - horrible mother I am, giving my kids cake at that time. I am playing hookey on Thursday so we can go to Chuck-E-Rat's and give him a proper little birthday party.

I am annoyed all the time between the hours of 8 and 5, take a guess why because I can't talk about it. Hmmmmm.....

I have to go now, because Little Man is coughing too much and I think it's the asthma bothering him, so I'm going to have to plug the machine in and hope the baby doesn't wake up.

FOUR.

My baby boy turned four today.

Someone tell him to stop growing, please, he is getting too big...

History

We have made history tonight. I can't even describe the feeling of elation...
OBAMA!

My Batman and Pirate

This was after trick-or-treating, after everyone was exhausted and cranky, (mainly me) and after Ms. Thang lost her pirate hat on the first block we hit. Demon child is the ninja and his cousin is the little angel. Little Man would tell the people he was allergic to peanuts - you should have seen the wide eyes looking back at me. "Yes, he is..." All those candies are going back to my office so they can be devoured by my co-workers.
How was Halloween for all of you?

*croak*

So there's a frog in my throat.
Yep - there is this cold that has been going back and forth between my house and the babysitter's house. My daughter is mostly the carrier. She gave me a cold two weeks ago that laid me out ( i mean OUT - I couldn't get outta bed or anything.) And we both got better, then she got Pink eye and gave it to me and now we have this cough that hurts like hell. She has a double ear infection to go with her cough, and I have the froggie.
I have no voice, it was a doozy at work today trying to get any point across...
And so the sick season begins.
This sucks.

oops, i dropped some pictures...

and the camera went off while the pictures were lying around.....




You don't even imagine the adventure it was to even get the girl to smile while her brother was in her pictures. In the big picture - she was upset that he was touching 'her' chair and she kept standing up to pull the chair away from him. We had to sit her down and sneak him in the picture and snap it quickly...

Guess what??

I have my computer back. woo-hoo! Tomorrow : I write.

wow.....

When I disappear, I disappear, huh?

LOL!

OKay - so here's the scoop - the beautiful computer Daddy got me has a nasty stinkin virus and I can't even turn it on because I'm afraid of losing all the pics and things on there. I think I have them all backed up on cd's, but I want to do it again before we get it fixed, JUST IN CASE.

Been extremely busy at work, the piles keep coming and i"m not complaining because it makes the day go faster.

I have still been waking up everyday at 4:30 - 5 to get us all ready and out the door by 6 so Daddy can get to work by 6:30. Kids go to the sitter for 7. And i am tired. 

 

Daddy's cousin is supposed to come and fix my baby for us, but he's taking forever to come to the house...but he's real quick to get to the house when he needs a place to crash, funny the way people are, huh?

 

"Duh, Mommy..."

Picking the kids up at the sitters today, I notice Little Man had his sneakers o with no socks. I remember sending him with a fresh pair of socks this morning.
"Baby, where are your socks?"
"I don't have them Mommy."
"Well, where are they?"
"I had to take them off because they were really dirty."
"Okay...." I'm looking at the sitter, she is smiling.
"We were playing over there in the dirt, and I was wearing my socks and htey got dirty so I took them off."
"Well, why didn't you put your sneakers on, or just take your socks off and play in your feet?"
"Because then my feet and my sneakers would get DIRTY."

We will never forget...

Rollerskating Number 2

A friend and I went rollerskating with the kids yesterday. It was all rainy out with Ms. Hanna trying to pass through but she hadn't reached us yet. So it was my two and her five year old god daughter. Boy - did they have a blast. No pictures today, unfortunately, but can you imagine a skating rink full of kids no older than 12 and almost every single one of them hanging on to the wall for dear life? My friend and I were actually on the floor with Little Man and the Little Ms. (while I was holding Baby Girl, she thought it was hilarious) holding their hands while they attempted to skate. Little Man did much better than the last time, spent less time on the floor, and it was only his second time. I love that. We played a few rounds of air hockey - we ended up kicking Little Man and Little Ms. off so we could get a round in. We were like children ourselves, air hockey brings out the best in everyone.
It was a nice relaxing day, and no more than an hour after we got home the kids fell asleep. Hanna zoomed through a little after Daddy got home from work, and all the channels had tornado warnings along with the tropical storm warnings, but it was harmless. The lights went out for a minute (literally). Today is a nice sunny day, and I"m actually going to walk to the corner market with the kids to see what we can make for dinner tonight. I felt a little "blah" when I looked at what we had. Maybe something to throw into my crockpot - I got that thing for Christmas and I still have yet to use it.

Why, yes, I am alive....

I have always had a certain respect for single mothers. My mother was one and I alays watched the struggle and the emotional aspect, and the bullshit she had to go through.
With Daddy's job I feel like a single mother A LOT.
I don't want to complain, because I'm ever so eternally grateful that he HAS a job, but I'm worn out with these kids. I can NOT sit down in front of the computer because they will start "Mommy, I need..." (Little Man) and the arms up to be carried (Baby Girl) or they start to fight over a toy...normal kid stuff. But my fellow referee is not here to help. The cooking is impossible. The cleaning, yeah right! good joke! My daughter is at the stage where she wants everything he has, and there is constant screaming (mostly from the two of them, but some of mine thrown in for good measure) going on. I'm looking at my kitchen floor right now : clothes. shoes. toy cars. a hanger (WTF?) and a chair has been pulled in front of the fridge. I should get to all this... I really should...
Whatever, I'm dealing.
Right now as I write this, they are fighting over a ninja turtle 'action figure' because Baby Girl only wants to play with Little Man's toys and he's not having it, but yet he wants to play with hers.
*sigh*
the wonderful life...LOL!

looking through...

I was looking at this picture that I took at the beach last week...does't it look like she kicked him in the nads and was running away? I tihnk I may have caught one of her devilish moments on film! I may just have to make this my new default picture here...

Nothingness

• So I still wish I could talk about work...it kills me not to be able to tell about all the damned drama that goes on in that place...ugh! UGH!
  

• I was recently told (Friday afternoon!) that peaches and nectarines fall under the tree nut family, but I have not found any supporting evidence of that. Does anyone know where else I would find that info besides google? Because Little Man with his allergy wouldn't be able to eat them, but he eats them with no problem. Food allergies suck. I have to call the allergist on Tuesday morning to ask...they were not on the list I was provided by the allergist, so I'm thinking I may have been relayed false info...
  

• The outlook for us moving away from here is getting better and better. I've already started the 'cleaning out' process, and I'm looking forward to the day when I can just drive away from here and tell my SIL to suck it.

• My son has a million remote control cars, none of the remote controls have batteries in them because they all got too annoying. (Is that mean of me?) So what he does now is he stands behind the cars, presses the buttons on the remote controls, and kicks the car so it goes. Not nearly as annoying. It works for me.

About those broken bones and viruses...

So you see my mother's arm in a sling? Yeah, she had a nice hairline fracture on her rotator cuff (shoulder). She was walking to catch a bus and slipped on some wet grass that was growing out of the sidewalk, and she went to break her fall and broke her arm instead.
The crazy thing is that this happened at nine in the morning - but I didn't hear about it till 7 at night, because that's when I got out of the hospital with Baby Girl. So my mother is sporting a nice sling until her surgery...
As for Baby - the sitter called me at 2 in the afternoon to tell me that the baby was inconsolable, she was crying and wouldn't be put down...
Thursday night was horrible, she was feverish and I was like a koala bear having her hanging on me every single second, she never does that. Friday morning her feet were swollen. Yep - off to the hospital. What scared me was that the doc kept saying "Very interesting...that's interesting" and you know when a doc says "interesting" it isn't very good...I had never seen feet swell with a virus and I was beginning to think he hadn't either.
So it turned out she had a form of hand, foot, and mouth disease...and of course we were told to 'wait it out'.
*sigh*
Everything hits at once right?
As for the job front for Daddy, he is still loving it. Yay.

Pictures

My babies. So big, and SO BAD!!!!! This was a rare moment where they were both not climbing/jumping/screaming/running, etc....but look in their eyes...you see the mischief!
My little girl, laying on her Daddy's leg. We were at the Garage and she was worn out from all the crazy running, jumping, screaming done at the park about an hour earlier. No, she did not fall asleep like her brother did, becaus ethen she would miss out on all the fun (*snort*) at the garage!!

Me and Daddy at the park. (Notice the tennis ball in his hand...he was attempting to play 'catch' with one of those little lap dogs...it was a sight to see...wish I had gotten pictures of that.) (ALSO! Notice the huge bags under my eyes, this was taken about two weeks ago...still in the midst of everything...the bags still havent disappeared.)

Alzheimer's Memory Walk

Anybody interested in doing something for a good cause?
Take a look at when your community will be holding it's annual Alzheimer's Memory Walk, they are usually held on a weekend morning in the fall, so it would be nice out and easy to attend. The Memory Walk is usually 2-3 miles, so you can get a little exercise in the process of raising money for a great cause. Become a Team Captain, they are really in demand right now, and they are in charge of recruiting people for the Walk and collecting money for the Walk.




Alzheimer's is a serious condition that affects too many people. Walking for this cause will help raise money for a cure, something we really need. Anybody affected by this disease knows how much a cure is needed. Even if you don't become a Team Captain, walk for the cause. Understand that there are thousands upon thousands of people waiting for something to be done about this disease, and are watching family members suffer because of it. Wouldn't you want a cure if you or someone you loved were affected by this debilatating disease?

and.....EXHALE

I am taking a moment to *exhale*.

Daddy got a job. 7 weeks of layoff with no unemployment (bastards never kicked the money in...still waiting on that mind you!) and stress and depression...

*EXHALE*

He is driving delivery trucks for a big-name furniture company (the one owned by the three brothers, I'm not sure if it's exclusive to the east coast, or New England...if you're from around here then you know the commercials.) Good company to get into...
He gets up at 4 AM and doesn't come home till 9 at night. Maybe that was just this week, because Mass had their tax-free sales going on and they were BUSY.
But he loves it. He is happy and in turn I am happy for him. For us. The night after they called to tell him was the first night in two months that I had slept through the night.

*EXHALE*

Last night he said to me "We're going to be okay."
I hope so.

I have tons of stories - viruses and broken bones and more stupid SIL stories...I"m hoping to come back with it all soon.

SKATES!!!

We went to a birthday party at a skating rink today. I wasn't going to go, I figured my Little Man being only three it would be a disaster. I mean, the kid can't walk in a straight line with out falling over his own two feet....so why would i put him on skates? Well, I took him. And he skated. He didn't want to take the skates off, I literally had to drag him out of the place when the party was over. I think it was awesome. I was so proud!
When I first put the skates on he was all over the place. But he ended up getting the hang of it, and he was making laps by himself. There will be more skating trips planned. I was a super-big-smiling-proud-momma.

(Excuse the poor quality photos, they were taken with the phone. It sucks ass.)

Unemployment: Week Five.

The saga continues.

This is what the world is coming to...

Craziness. Oh, so sad. One of my co-workers told me about this one and she was on the verge of tears. She has had a similar situation happen, but obviously with a different outcome. How very sad that she couldn't find another way... her poor husband and son...


More craziness. This hit especially close to home, literally. This bank robbery (yes, robbery, not ATTEMPTED robbery as they were originally saying) was down the road from the college where my mother works. The suspects both ran into the backyard of a nearby house, where they were cornered by the police. Here is where the news gets fuzzy - because they are so concerned with this 'image'...
One suspect shot at the cops, hit one so they shot him. Understandable. The other suspect somehow jumped the fence in the midst of the shootings and ran into the college. And hid. My mother called me, whispering, "I'm okay." I was confused "what are you talking about mom?" I was at work, don't exactly have a tv playing in front of me. She hurriedly told me and then said she had to get off the phone. She told me there was money scattered everywhere and she could hear shots going off. I was shaking at this point. "I'm okay, we are locked in my office, he couldn't get in if he tried." How true, the reinforced doors that were put in years ago, no window, not an easy thing to overcome. Eventually they got him. He was hiding for hours. The college and every single street leading to and from it was locked down. But notice how the news will not mention the college. Bad publicity. Thankfully, no one at the college got hurt in any way, and I know that's the only way they would have mentioned the college...but he's caught. Thank God. This hit way too close...

But this is our world now. People are so desperate for money and everyone's lives are going to shit because of our wonderful economy. But there isn't a recession right? No depression either?

25...again

For years I have cried at the fact that my father spells my name wrong. Yes, he really does. Like Noelia - I use my second name. When my father sends me mail he uses my birth name, which he. spells. wrong. Every time. Without fail. It's just one letter, but it's still WRONG.
Well, what's worse - is my mother forgets my birthday. After they had gotten divorced my mother dated a guy whose birthday was the day before mine. For some reason, after they had broken up she always wished me a happy birthday the day before my birthday. I know it's probably unintentional but she is my MOTHER. She birthed me! How can she forget my birthday!
Last night my mother called me and invited us all to a nice dinner at her house to take place tonight. She didn't say it was my birthday dinner...just dinner. I came home for lunch to spend some cuddling time with Daddy and the kids and my mother calls me, laughing hysterically. "The dinner is not tonight!" She says. "Okay..." "I did it again! I planned the dinner for your birthday so it's going to be tomorrow! Not tonight! SORRY!" She was still laughing. I didn't find it funny. I told Daddy the dinner has moved to tomorrow, because it is, in fact my birthday dinner. He laughed too. I don't see the humor in my own flesh and blood fucking up like this!
Okay, so it's a little funny.
Only a little.

Tomorrow I turn 25 again. Last year I swore I was never turning older than 25, and I'm keeping that promise. I'm really turning 26 but don't tell anyone, m'kay?

A picture is worth a thousand words

This picture was taken an afternoon that a friend of mine asked for the kids to come over. An afternoon without kids? HELL YES! I went and had my sister wax my eyebrows and chit-chatted while the kids went and destroyed her backyard. At the time this picture was taken, Baby Girl had already taken her hair out of the ponytails the babysitter had put it in(she did some Medusa-type hairstyle that actually looked a little ridiculous I can see why she wanted them out), and Little Man had peeled off his band-aids to show off the adhesive that wonderfully sticks to ones skin.
They are gorgeous. They are huge.

Baby Steps

I have taken some steps that will better our future. I will not speak of them yet, as I do not want to jinx anything. I am a firm believer in jinxing things, I speak of that all the time.
So, here's my deep breath : *sigh* and here's to my jump into the unknown.
Today my mother asked me why we live here if my SIL hates me so much and I broke into tears (the come so easily these days) and all I could manage was "We can't afford anywhere else to live..."
We're still waiting on the call...
I hate waiting.

I'm starting to feel a *little* better

but not enough. We still haven't heard anything about the job, we're in the middle of week three of him not working. He's been staying with Little Man, it's an adventure all around.
I did have this post all ready about how Little Man finally left my bed and ventured out on his own to the futon in the living room: no joke! for two straight days he ASKED to sleep in the futon by him self "like a big boy" and he slept through the night both nights! HOLY HELL! But of course, since I told my mother about it I jinxed myself and last night he only made it through half the night. It would have been his third night, but... 2 a.m that boy was walking back to my room. It was nice while it lasted, really. My bed is actually quite spacey when it's only me and Daddy in it! Tonight there wasn't even an effort, he just came straight to the bed to sleep. *sigh*. until the next time he wants to feel like a big boy I guess...

Bills IQ

I took the bills IQ test to see how financially fit we are.
I got a 74%, which is a C, average. I am well aware of my debt but there is nothing really being done about it. Well, right now really isn't the time to even get into that...

I learned that payment history is the greatest factor in the calculation of your credit score. That's a big one for me. A few cards I had before I had Little Man are in default, and I know that I want to fix them, but I am going to have to seek professional help in doing so, maybe some debt consolidation. I know the importance of checking up on my credit score, but let me tell you I doubt that anyone would want to steal my identity at this point. (haha) I have spoken to Daddy already about paying off my cards, i just need us to be financially stable (read: him with a job!) so that I can put money away for this. I need to put money away for Little Mans schooling coming up, too now that I think of it... I think the only thing I have that's in the 'good range' of the quiz is the 401K and life insurance I signed up for at work.

When comparing my test results to others, mine is well below the average score, and that's good to know. Someday I will be up again...
(How's that for optimism? Am I improving?)

What is your name?

Just because things are really shitty around here doesn't mean the kids stop being cute. Little Man is really into 'writing' right now. There is almost always a pen and paper in his hand, and he 'writes' things down. They are usually a scribble...
Well today he comes to me in the room and says "Mommy, I'm writing your name."
"Okay baby, and what is my name?" He has called me by my name before so I was expecting him to say it...instead he says "Mrs. Doriguez."
I look at Daddy, who is already smiling.
"Baby what's your name?" I ask.
"Little Man Doriguez."

It's too funny that he is even saying (or closely saying) our last name...
I love it. I'll be sad the day he says it correctly.

*Still waiting for the 'you're hired!' phonecall for Daddy. Please keep praying or thinking, or doing your rain dances. They have helped before...thank you for thinking of us.

Stem Cell Research reaching different levels

We've all heard of Stem Cell research with banking your child's umbilical cord blood to be stored away until it's needed to fight diseases and such things...well now there are scientists saying that stem cells found in a woman's menstrual cycle are becoming key in the treatment of many life threatening diseases such as Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, heart disease, and even strokes. These stem cells that are safely and easily harvested from a woman's menstrual cycle are taken to be processed and stored at very low temperatures for their future use in in cellular therapy. It is also being said that these cells may also be used for sports medicine or anti-aging therapy...who doesn't love that idea?
Stop in and check out some C'elle client testimonials and see what all the buzz is about.
You never now, this 'curse' we all complain about may one day end up saving your life, or a loved ones life.

one car is parked until further notice.

one car is parked. no more eating out. (crap, i have to cook! lol)
the sad thing is i still make too much alone for us to get public assistance...
WTF???

Police need to stay safe...

I watch TRUTV all the time. It's a sickness. World's Wildest Police Videos, Cops, World's Stupidest Criminals...you name it I'm there...when I can actually sit and watch tv anyway...
Policemen put their lives on the line everyday to protect people, they always need to be geared up to a T...
It's a good thing they are supplied with tactical gear to keep them alive during these scary situations. Everything form flashlights that connect to guns to under-armour clothing...they need everything they can get to keep them safe so they can continue to keep us safe.

I'm here...

I"m alive. That's saying a lot.
We're going into the third week of Daddy not working.
I think I should start packing our stuff since we won't be able to live here much longer.
He had an interview last Wednesday but we haven't heard anything, and they don't know that we are on an emergency-need-to-know-now type situation.
*sigh*

For all of you:

Be safe everyone!

Let's just make things a *little* better around here...

Tomorrow there is a company meeting for Daddy's job.

It determines who falls under the 80% of the employees that are going to get laid off as of tomorrow's meeting.

Who wants to place bets that Daddy falls into the 80%? I'll put money on it...


***Edited to add : I wasn't going to write anymore, but I can't seem to walk away right now***


I have lost a considerable amount of weight lately. Not due to exercising or dieting as normal people would, I have just been so stressed out...
It's enough that people have been making comments about it. Daily. I get a lot of "You look good, though." So, is that a way to make me feel better about it? Most of my work clothes are extremely loose fitting right now so I can't even wear most of them. I have been eating. I figure I would throw that in there in case anyone felt deemed to ask...
My mother bought the kids some clothes for the summer, sandals, beach towels, sunglasses. I am really grateful but it makes me feel so shitty at the same time that WE can't buy this stuff for them. This keeps me up at night. This has me distracted at work. You can mold the skin under my eyes into shapes and take pictures and display it as art...that's how saggy and baggy my eyes are. My hair is falling out. This is the ugly truth. This is the ugly me. Daddy is trying so hard to be optimistic about it all and I smile in front of him so he won't see...he hugs me. He lingers in a hug...
I don't think he knows how much I cry. No one does, I have only let it out here, really.
Something that killed me the other day: I don't even know what set it off but I ended up breaking down in the kitchen, the kids were in the living room happily playing. Or so I thought. They both ended up in my lap, and my babies were trying to wipe my tears away. They should never see me cry like that, and they did. Someday they will understand that I just want to make a good life for them. Things weren't supposed to be like this. Daddy and I were supposed to do so much better for them.
And the government still says we aren't in a recession.
Tomorrow marks another shitty day.
Unemployment for him won't cover what we pay. Jobs around here...ha. Good joke. There basically are no jobs around here.
Even the paid posts are few and far between, there are so many people working with the companies now that the jobs get snatched up before I can get to any.
I should go to bed. I should try to sleep tonight.


(Tuesday wrote this. Very true. I'm very Mom-In.)

Take the good with the bad...

that's how I see things.

Let's pretend I"m happy again shall we?

I'm feeling very Betty Crocker-ish today but when I looked in the fridge all I had was one egg. So my baking will consist of corn muffins, because that's all I have that requires one egg. Why anyone didn't tell me (daddy...) that there was only one egg left is beyond me.

My car has decided to be really warm, and not in a good way. Over-heating. So far we have changed the thermostat, the radiator & fan and it's still over heating....all that's left is the head gasket. Piece of shit. I'm so angry with my car right now.

Meme#2 as promised.

Ms. Bikini tagged me for this. So blame her for my failure. LOL!
In her words:

The meme originated over an idea that was prompted by the book written by Larry Smith & Rachel Fershleiser, Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six Word Memoirs by Writers Famous & Obscure. It’s a compilation based on the story that Hemingway once bet ten dollars that he could sum up his life in six words. His words were, “For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn.”

Here are the rules:

1. Write your own six word memoir.
2. Post it to your blog including a visual illustration if you would like.
3. Link to the person who tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogsphere
4. Tag 5 more blogs with links
5. Don’t forget to leave a comment in the tagged blogs with an invitation to play

I didn't come up with six words. My five words came to me and have settled in my head. They will actually end up being the cause of my next bout with depression, I just know it.

WHAT IF THIS IS IT?

I look at my life, at our life and that is always what I think... the constant struggle, the penny pinching, the craptastic piece of shit that it is.
I don't think we will ever be more than this and it kills me inside. We will never move into another house because this. is. it. This is what we can afford. Barely. I will always have to deal with the bullshit from upstairs. I will always cry because I can't put laundry away because we have two closets and one is full of shit that is still packed from when we fucking moved here. I will always be wondering what could be but won't be.
Half of my fucking paycheck goes to childcare and that's a personal babysitter, it isn't even daycare where I will be paying what I pay now - EXCEPT FOR ONE KID ONLY. Why am I working again? Daddy will never get a better job. He will always be here working 28 fucking hours instead of a full schedule. Thinking positive has gotten me no fucking where. It's gotten me a head full of bullshit. Unreachable dreams. It's made my depression worse because the false hopes I carry just cloud the obvious.
This. is. it.
I can't go back to school. If I stop working we're fucked. If he stops working we're fucked. But, it looks like we're fucked anyway.
STUCK.
If I can't go back to school I can never make more money.
STUCK.
THIS. IS. IT.
I don't want my kids to grow up like this.
I didn't want to grow up like this.

Bikini, I'm sorry I've gone and ruined the meme...
those really were the five words I had come up with and they fucked my head all up.

i owe you...

meme #2 has been put aside. See, for some reason my brain registered FIVE words were needed for this meme and I spent all day trying to figure out what my five words would be,...and then I went to Bikini's page to re-read the instructions before I posted...
and wouldn't you know it's six words...
Now I have to come up with six words that make sense...
And I had a whole post written in my head explaining my five words...
dammit!
So the meme is postponed one more day...don't kill me Bikini.

Remain Active

There comes a time in ones life when the arthritis kicks in...
when the knees just aren't working like they used to and taking a bath is hard work. This becomes especially difficult for those who don't have shower stalls, just tubs, because getting in and out of the tub requires a lot of leg work.
Having a walkin tub helps these people out a whole lot. The door opens for easy entry and exit with a low threshold for easy stepping. Safety bar and built-in safety seat make for extreme peace of mind for you and your loved ones. The package is topped off with a hand-held shower head for easy rinsing.
Consider a walk-in tub for anyone you know that may be having difficulty getting in and out of the tub but doesn't want anyone there physically helping them. This may make their lives a little easier.

Meme #1

I have received two meme's in the past week. I haven't gotten one in ages, I thought people forgot I existed, and now that I have been tagged I can't even find the time to write them. But I am doing them both! Because I care! Just not both today, so this one was received first, and tomorrow I will do the next one. This one was actually sent through e-mail by one of my co-workers... but I liked it enough to post here. Of course I had to change the names and I can't think on the spot so the nicknames are half-assed and stupid. But you get the idea. Now I must sleep! I won't tag anyone individually since I'm going to ave to do that for the next one - but how's this? if you're blocked, do it! If you want to do it, then do it! Just let me know if you did it so I can read your answers!
Enjoy.


Welcome to the 2008 edition of getting to know your friends.

Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be lame and

Spoil the fun.

Copy this entire email and paste into a new email that you can send,

Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to a

Whole bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person that sent it to you.

Some of you may get this several times (that means you have lots of

Friends).

1. What is your occupation? I'm not quite sure...I don't think they gave me a title...

2. What color are your socks right now? no socks, bare feet

3. What are you listening to right now? the fan keeping the babies cool

4. What was the last thing that you ate? rice and steak (yum!)

5. Can you drive a stick shift? yes

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? blue

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Skinny Guat. he was looking for Daddy.

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? of course, she keeps me sane at work.

9. How old are you today? 25. The age I'll be forever...lol!

10. Favorite drink? Soda. or Water. Really cold ice water.

11. What is your favorite sport to watch?sports are boring. well, sometimes car racing..but even that gets boring too...

12. Have you ever dyed your hair? No but I want to

13. Pets? Little Man, Baby Girl, and Daddy. LOL! (Do they count?)

14. Favorite food? Anything. I'm a food person.

15. Last movie you watched? Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins, and it was funny as hell!

16. Favorite Day of the year? ???DUNNO???

17. What do you do to vent your anger? I listen to music very. very loud in my car. Or call someone and cry like a baby. But usually the car thing.

18. What is your favorite season? summer, summer, summer-time

19. What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies.

20. Hugs or kisses? both please!

21. Cherry or Blueberry? uummm on what?

22. Do you want your friends to email you back? Hell yes.

23. Who is most likely to respond? Bestie1, in about three months.

24. Who is least likely to respond? Bestie2 And my sister.

25. What happened to Ricky Martin? Didn't he get swallowed by a whale or something?

26. When was the last time you cried? Few days ago.

27. What is on the floor of your closet? Shoes. And some towels and sheets that fell on top of me the other day and I can't reach the shelf to put them back up...

28. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to? My sister.

29. Who is the friend you have had the shortest? (3 co-workers)

30. Favorite smells? My babies.

31. Who inspires you? My babies.

32. What are you afraid of? Not being prepared.

33. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? yummmm...spicy....

34. Favorite car? Mine.

35. Favorite cat breed? none. I'm not really a cat person anymore.

36. Number of keys on your key ring? Really - 8. According to Daddy I'm a janitor.

37. How many years at your current job? Ha, years... 4 months at my current position. 6 months with the company itself.

38. Favorite day of the week? Saturdays.

39. How many states have you lived in? two? I think? maybe three...

40. Do you think you're funny? I crack myself up.

41. What do you do when you are bored? sorry, I don't have time to be bored. My children don't allow that. It's against their rules.

42. What time do you get up in the morning? Whenever Baby Girl feels like it. She seems to be under the impression that I'm a morning person. Someone needs to school her.

43. What do you wash first hair or body? Hair.

44. Favorite TV show? Can't follow anything steadily, but I really like anything funny. I need funny.

Does anyone do it anymore?

And by do it I mean say something in their head before they let it come out of their mouth...

today - overheard - was "I don't like watching basketball because it makes me think of having black man sweat all over me."

WHAT?????????

I was standing next to a black man, a co-worker and friend of mine, and I turned more red than i have ever turned in my life, and the words didn't even come out of my mouth. He was pissed, as he should have been.

Now here's my issue. I know racism exists, I know there are still some very closed minded people out there that are entitled to their opinions as am I, but do they really have to ignorantly say shit like that out loud? I was so hurt for my friend.

So frikkin tired...

I'm exhausted. Story of my life, really. My baby girl seems to be getting some new chompers in...I believe it's the top ones this time, and boy does she need her parents. Only at night. While we're asleep.
The other night she woke up at 3 a.m and wouldn't sleep unless it was on my chest. I didn't sleep a wink after that since I'm usually on my side or my stomach to sleep, so I was super uncomfortable. Tonight she is on Daddy's chest, they are in the living room right now...Daddy had put her to sleep on the bed (GAH! NO!!!) and she woke up as soon as I transferred her to her crib. Hmmmm, I don't think so Ms. Missy, it's bad enough your big brother is kicking me out of my own bed, you aren't going to do it too...
Funny how I have actually moved my self to the couch no less than three times in the last week, because Daddy's lazy ass puts her in the bed when she wakes up and with the four of us in the bed, it just ain't cutting it. My son sleeps spread-eagle, my daughter has to be literally under someone, and my husband is 6 feet tall. It's a queen sized bed, yes, but it's not big enough for all of us.

The pooping: I've been giving her prunes. She loves them, the thing is (and this happened when she was a baby, too) is that sometimes it gives her explosive diapers. I'm trying to give her one a day or every other day or so...Apple or pear juice used to work with my son (still does actually) but I haven't seen much difference with her and juices. (Unless it's prune juice of course...) We'll see.

It's late and I should be sleeping...

Should be...

Irritation about constipation

Without getting into details - does a-prune-a-day work for constipated babies?
My poor baby girl...

Anything you guys have tried that has worked... suggest away!

I can't drive...

My sister in law asked Daddy to recharge her AC in the car. So we took her car to the garage where Daddy did just that. Daddy sends me to the store to buy some water since it was hella hot (this happened yesterday) and I get in the car...and start looking for the clutch to start the car with...

My car is a stick.

Her car is not.

Daddy noticed and laughed at me and says "You think you can handle an automatic???"

Hardee-frikkin-har-har Funny Guy.

I pulled out of the garage and got to the corner...and immediately put my foot 'down' on the 'clutch', and my hand went to the shifter to downshift...

I couldn't do it. I couldn't drive a frikkin automatic without trying to hit the clutch or change gears or anything. I laughed at myself, because I never thought that driving a stick could turn into such a habit...


Meanwhile here's a pic that was taken today of Friend's Demon Child and my son...they were going for a bike ride with Big Guy (friend's hubby) We went by their house today for a quick visit...we haven't been there in a while. It was alright. Eh.

At home today...

The heat index for our area today is in the red zone, so I stayed. I know the sitter has an AC but I also know she would feel bad just leaving Little Man in the house all day, and she would let him outside. That is where the danger is, this stagnant air we have here right now is what triggers the attacks. So he's here destroying my home after it was pretty decently clean for a few days. HA. I'm doing all types of rain dances so these thunder storms will come and cool this place off already.
I will be writing here all day today. This is the end of the first entry, because they need to eat.
(Hey my layout is fixed YAY!)

***I did want to add - that new little box I have over on the top of the sidebar about the food allergies is NOT AN AD. I AM NOT GETTING PAID TO HAVE IT THERE. I joined the Kids With Food Allergies mailing list and they have the widgets available for anyone who wants to share them. I have it up because I don't know if anyone else knows anyone with food allergies but it's important to know what food are popping up with allergens. Like- my son is allergic to tree nuts and peanuts. Severely allergic. Guess what has traces of peanut oil in it?

• 
  

• Minute Maid HeartWise® orange juice is made with plant esterols derived from highly refined peanut or soy oil.
  
  
  Important label reading points: 1) Different varieties of the same product can have different ingredients. 2) Highly refined oils like soybean oil or peanut oil have an exemption from the FALCPA labeling law that went into effect in 2006. Manufacturers are not required to clearly label products with highly refined oils with the plain English terms of the common allergens "peanut" or "soy.
• 
  

Nice huh? Who would have thought that orange juice would have peanut oil in it? I love their e-mails because it makes me aware of what's going on...otherwise I wouldn't know where to look. (Also I wouldn't give my son that type of OJ because it's really for lowering cholesterol...but still good to know.)

Sweaty

I came home soaked just from the drive from work.
Daddy stayed home with Little Man today 'just in case'.
He was fine, but I'm still nervous about sending him to the sitter tomorrow.
I have to give him a bath right now (and I'm sitting here...) and hook him up to the machine before he falls asleep on me.
I've tentatively let my bosses know I may not be in tomorrow 'just in case'.
My sitter thinks I could end up fired...

(My son just came to me and said 'hurry up mommy I have to take a bath' he's too cute for words.)
So i'll go and give him a bath then...
P.S - AJW - if you stop by here, shoot me an e-mail.

Were we in hell today???

It's only the first week of June and today was the hottest HOTTEST day ever...
and we didn't even reach 100 like they did down south...

I went to run some errands with my mother and the kids for a couple hours and by the time we were done, we were all tired and cranky and HOT. For some reason, even though my car is the 'top model' Civic, it doesn't have air conditioning.
Did you read that part??? TOP MODEL- that's an EX - CIVIC WITH NO AC!!!
Yeah, we were dying. I came home with the kids, we all took a nice long nap, but when we woke up Little Man had a nasty scary asthma attack. I didn't leave the house for the rest of the day, canceling our plans to go to a cook-out at a friend's house. He's had to get pumped a few times already, and I gave him the nebulizer after his bath, and he is still breathing a little funny for my taste...I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight. Daddy is so relaxed when it comes to the attacks, while I'm all frantic (but efficient I must say...I can now get them under control very quickly thank you very much!) The poor kid gets pukey when he gets attacks, and was dry heaving for a bit before the meds kicked in. I felt so bad cause I know he was hot and doesn't want to be feeling this way...

We had an appointment with the allergist this morning, our follow-up to the scratch test. "Keep giving him milk, but let's take the eggs away for three weeks and see if they may be the underlying cause of his eczema. That could be the allergic reaction they are giving him." So no eggs for him for a while. New appointment in August. Let's see...

Stupid layout

I don't know what's going on with my layout, why my sidebar has decided to travel to the bottom of the page. I haven't been able to see my page for a long time, I would write through my e-mail, so I don't even know how long this has been this way...anyone wanna clue me in as to how long, so I can take a stab on why it's like this...?
I tried changing the layout but that didn't work.
***Bikini...Ms. Blog Expert, if YOU know of anything, feel free to share!***

My daughter just came to me with the remote control, I take it she doesn't want to watch what my son is watching...

In the midst of my mental storm...

I still had promised pictures of my babies from the baptism...so here they are: my Prince and Princess...enjoy! ... Here's my boy, I don't know, maybe he was doing a basketball shot?
Here is the Princess.
Here are my sister's step-children "hanging" outside with Little Man.
Here is Baby Girl pulling my hair... Here is the group shot: from the left: My cousin who is Little Man's Godfather, Daddy, Me and the kids, the priest, my sister who is Little Man's Godmother, my mother, Daddy's mother who was standing in for Baby's Godmother who couldn't make it, and my sister's boyfriend who is Baby's Godfather.
It was an event to remember, Little Man says in the middle of the service in a very loud voice "Can we go home now?"
There were more pictures taken, but I'm still waiting for everyone to e-mail them to me since I couldn't play photographer that day.
There a shot of Little Man picking his nose...classic! Can't wait to get it!

I need...

I need a boost.
I'm still not doing well (mentally) I still feel so depressed but I have to wear the smile and go about my day. I can't hold it in much longer. I dont even know what's wrong...

I came in from work today and Daddy was already home with the kids and he had an attitude from God knows where. okay, so if you're stressed out don't take it out on me, my fuckin life is not all peaches and roses but i dont get bitchy with you.

i need a friend. i've gone back to keeping everyone at arm's length again. i dont know why... maybe i just dont want anyone to see how miserable i am.

i stay away from my family. i stay away from everyone. i dont want to.
i hate this.
i hate myself for feeling this way.

i hate that i dont know how to make it better.

Holy Hell...

OMG. I got a late Mother's Day gift last night. (And Daddy got an early Father's Day gift...)


Isn't she a beauty???
This means I'm back on AT HOME! And I can blog without being paranoid at being fired BECAUSE I CAN DO IT FROM HOME AGAIN! And I can read up on you guys that I miss so much! And I can (possibly) do some ads again(I dunno...gotta see if they still like me, been gone a long time!)
Holy Frikkin ...
Welcome back, Diana! LOL!
So with that I leave you...until later when it starts to rain and I will start catching up here. Unless my husband has sat down, then I'll have to wrestle him away...once that guy starts watching his car videos....*groan* lol!
I'm happy.
I love my honey, he's the bestest, especially for finally hearing me when I said "I need my computer!!!"

Medical Events - they are too common in my home now...

I have said it many times before and I will say it again, my children are polar opposites. Everything that I didn't go through with my son I am going through with my daughter.

THRUSH.

My daughter puts everything in her mouth, and this (according to the doc) may be the underlying cause on the pretty little bubbles in her mouth.

Anti-fungal antibiotic-type chalky stuff has to be swooshed in her mouth four times a day, great fun for a baby. Fun for Mommy, too, who is now the enemy because I always want to put the stuff in her mouth that she DOES. NOT. LIKE. It isn't a toy, a nickel, a sock, or whatever she may want in there…when I say she will put anything in her mouth, I mean it. I have to constantly run my fingers in there to make sure there aren't any surprises…

 

ALSO- SHE TURNED ONE LAST SUNDAY!

My baby had her first birthday!

We didn't really do anything, we bought a Boston Crème Cake (think giant Boston Crème donut…but better tasting) and she had the weirdest look on her face when she saw the candle lit.

 

We had a visit with the allergist to do the oh-so-much-fun back scratch (stab???) test…that had to be the worst thing I've ever had to hold my son through. My poor boy, laying on me, not suspecting that this nurse-woman was going to stab him with 20-some odd needles at once…

But it needed to be done. Turns out he may be allergic to milk and eggs, too. Which I find weird because the boy will sometimes drink a cup or two of milk instead of eat a meal, and he's been drinking milk since he turned ONE and he has never EVER had a reaction. Same with eggs, no reaction… The nurse says to me "Well, maybe his stomach hurts and you just don't know." NO LADY! My son will tell me if his stomach hurts, see that's the good thing about children is they are very vocal and can communicate these things. Plus he's never had any vomiting or diarrhea which usually accompanies an allergic reaction besides the swelling and stuff…so a consultation is in order with the head doc there, because, well, frankly I don't believe the scratch test. Is that bitchy of me?

 

The reason he will be famous some day...

My son came running to me with his magna-thingie and said "Mommy! Look what I drew!"
Obviously I"m going to look...
He said "It's eyes, mouth, and BOOBIES!"

Yes, my son already incorporates boobies in his pictures.

Men...

oh my aching head...

I have to remember to upload a picture of a drawing my son made…you guys will love it.

Stress:::::why is it that something so simple as baptizing children can be so stressful? The kids are getting baptized tomorrow, ask me if anything is ready…

Or just answer yourself with a resounding "NO!"

Or just laugh maniacally non-stop which is basically what I've been doing.

I've been really busy at work, they are purposely keeping me away from you, I tell you.

Keep me in your thoughts as I try not to commit murder in a church this weekend if my bitchy sister-in-law shows up…

Things have still been heating up on that end, I'll have to catch you up.

So pictures will be coming of that drawing and of my prince and princess in their outfits!

 

Saddness

I have something to write about, though I wish to God that I didn't have to write it...
My cousin back in NY gave birth to her first son last week. On Saturday her husband was walking around the house, just holding him, while they had guests in their home.
The baby died in his arms.
There is no explanation.
There were no complications during birth.
My cousin is going crazy, and her husband has had to be sedated the past few days...

I'm just glad they got to meet him, even though I know that is no comfort in this time.

Playing catch up...

Apparently the allergy season is extremely out of control this year. Claritin is doing NOTHING for my poor son, we have scheduled the dreaded scratch test so that we can try to take steps from there on medicating him. He can't just take the shot because suddenly the shot has been having some questionable reactions in asthma patients. Hmmmmm….

This season has been really bad, he has been having asthma attacks every.single.night….in his sleep. I don't sleep at all because I'm up listening to him breathe. I'm overly exhausted. I have four new gray hairs that are very noticeable so I'm going to have to find time (HA!) to dye my hair. (Yeah, I know boo-hoo, I have four gray hairs…they are not my firsts but they have all grown in the front and stick up like alfalfa's cowlick no matter what I put in my hair!)

 

In other news my daughter has decided that she didn't want to spend her first birthday (the 18^th! OMG!) toothless, so she let her two bottom teeth start to come out. Thankfully they haven't been bothering her too much, so that's a bit of a relief. It's surprising though, because they are both coming in at the same time…Little Man's came in two at a time also but they would kill him. It's true, all babies are different, but mine are polar opposites in every way possible.

 

WHAT DO YOU PAY YOUR BABYSITTER?

Daddy and I have to go to church on Wednesday night to speak to the priest about baptizing our children...my mother is not back from Puerto Rico so I'm going to leave the kids with a friend's daughter. She is good with my kids, they love her, Little Man actually BEHAVES with her (She's 17...)

But the thing is I've never had to actually pay a sitter for my kids, they usually go to my mother or their regular sitter, and she sits for free if Daddy and I have to go somewhere.

What's the going rate for 17 year old sitters?

And should I just go with my regular sitter for free since it's only for about an hour and a half??? (free is for me! LOL)

LOOK HOW BIG WE ARE!

baby girl is 11 months, Little man is 3 1/2.
Huge.
And still nicknamed Big and Bad.

FUNNY THING...

I find it hilarious that I once had a reader that STOPPED reading because I was doing PPP. She went (on her own blog, which is how I knew, because I would read hers, too) and called me a sell-out and commercial and went on to say that no one wants to read someone getting paid to talk about things because it wasn't genuine.

I had asked you guys if it bothered you that I was doing a few ads to make some extra money, and the majority of you didn't have a problem.

I kept her on my sidebar (I don't know why…) and I actually checked in on her recently…

Guess who's doing ads?

Yep, same person who bitched and complained about my commercial-ness…

Like I said, I find it hilarious.

I won't say anything bad. I hadn't checked in on her blog in a long time so I don't know what happened to make her have to do paid entries, but here's what I have to say:

I UNDERSTAND.

I won't say you're a sell-out, I won't say no one wants to read you anymore.
I UNDERSTAND….being broke is GENUINE.

I haven't done paid ads in a long time, not because I don't have to, because that extra money helps out A LOT…mainly because my job has a block on the pages I use for my ads. Yep, that's why. If not, you would still see some ads sprinkled in here.

Oh, and I got rid of my home computer. It was a junker and was on it's last legs…so now I'm solely depending on my work pc for e-mails and other things internet.

That's all I had to say about that…