Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Let's just make things a *little* better around here...

Tomorrow there is a company meeting for Daddy's job.

It determines who falls under the 80% of the employees that are going to get laid off as of tomorrow's meeting.

Who wants to place bets that Daddy falls into the 80%? I'll put money on it...

***Edited to add : I wasn't going to write anymore, but I can't seem to walk away right now***

I have lost a considerable amount of weight lately. Not due to exercising or dieting as normal people would, I have just been so stressed out...
It's enough that people have been making comments about it. Daily. I get a lot of "You look good, though." So, is that a way to make me feel better about it? Most of my work clothes are extremely loose fitting right now so I can't even wear most of them. I have been eating. I figure I would throw that in there in case anyone felt deemed to ask...
My mother bought the kids some clothes for the summer, sandals, beach towels, sunglasses. I am really grateful but it makes me feel so shitty at the same time that WE can't buy this stuff for them. This keeps me up at night. This has me distracted at work. You can mold the skin under my eyes into shapes and take pictures and display it as art...that's how saggy and baggy my eyes are. My hair is falling out. This is the ugly truth. This is the ugly me. Daddy is trying so hard to be optimistic about it all and I smile in front of him so he won't see...he hugs me. He lingers in a hug...
I don't think he knows how much I cry. No one does, I have only let it out here, really.
Something that killed me the other day: I don't even know what set it off but I ended up breaking down in the kitchen, the kids were in the living room happily playing. Or so I thought. They both ended up in my lap, and my babies were trying to wipe my tears away. They should never see me cry like that, and they did. Someday they will understand that I just want to make a good life for them. Things weren't supposed to be like this. Daddy and I were supposed to do so much better for them.
And the government still says we aren't in a recession.
Tomorrow marks another shitty day.
Unemployment for him won't cover what we pay. Jobs around here...ha. Good joke. There basically are no jobs around here.
Even the paid posts are few and far between, there are so many people working with the companies now that the jobs get snatched up before I can get to any.
I should go to bed. I should try to sleep tonight.

(Tuesday wrote this. Very true. I'm very Mom-In.)


sourpatchbaby said...

((hugs)) I know exactly how you feel..Here it is July and I've yet to make June's mortgage payment. It's going to get better though, at least that's what I keep telling myself.

Sorry, I'm no help here. (hugs)

Maria said...

Just wait and see. If the worst happens, it will happen and you will weather it. I know that sounds trite, but you will. Because you have to. That is the scary part about having kids. You just have to bite down hard and stay steady for them. I have confidence that you will be able to do this.

I know how stressed you must feel, but do something nice for yourself anyway. A nice long soak in a tub when the kids are in bed. Go to the library and pick up some books. Distractions. Anything to get you through.

Tuesday Girl said...

I understand, I really do. I feel the same way right now.
Hang in there, that is all we can do.

Mama of 2 said...

Diana - I have been where you are and I know how scary it is.
The only thing that has gotten me through times like these in the past is my faith in God.
I have done my best to turn my problems over to him and ask that his will be done. I know easier said than done yet if you truly turn your troubles over to him and focus on the good that is in your life still you will be rewarded.

My thoughts are with you and it's my hope that your husband wasn't in that 80%.