Christmas.

"The 12 pains of Christmas" is the best Christmas song ever. Nothing but honesty, really.

 

My daughter has become obsessed with Christmas music. This has only happened within the last week or so, when we are in the car we HAVE to have Christmas music on. I am such a grinch, I really don't like listening to it, but seeing the way she lights up and tries to keep up with the words of the songs (which I must say she is learning very quickly) it makes me smile, and I actually sing along with her. *sigh* the things kids make you do.

 

RED ALERT!!!!!

Facebook has been blocked at work. And my computer is on the fritz at home, so we don't even use it. My only connection is through my cell phone, and that takes so long to load I give up rather quickly.

GRRRRRR.

Now I have to get my puter fixed at home, and I was hoping to not HAVE to do that till after the Holidays.

 

 

GRRRRRRR.....

 

Stupid people with their stupid blocks...

 

Seems different....

There's something different about my Little Man.

School had changed him. Yeah, he's only been there four days, but he is...different.

 

He is more calm. He is offering to help with things.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love it. But I can tell that the real growing process has begun...and I just don't know how to feel. My baby is not a baby anymore...

 

*sigh*

 

 

Getting a box of kleenex...

Last night we went to dinner at a friend's house and Little Man grabbed a bike, got on, and started to ride. No help, no training wheels, nothing. JUST STARTED RIDING. I was in total shock. I wanted to take a video of it but my phone has no flash, so it was useless. (It was dark out already...)

Tomorrow is his first day of school.

My boy is growing so fast.

Coworker who lost his son came back to work this week. I stopped in and said hello. I didn't want to ask how he was doing. I didn't want to do the "head cocked to one side pity look". You know the look. I got it with my miscarraiges. I hated (HATE) that look. You want to scream "Don't fucking pity me!" to anyone that gives you the look. So I just stopped in, said hello, smiled, and walked away. He is very quiet, as is expected. I don't work in the same dept as him anymore so I don't know if he is talking to anyone really...

 

What I WANTED to do was hug him, and tell him that I understood. Even though my lost children were only inutero, I hadn't raised them for 18 years as he had with his son...but I understood. I know that at some point I will get to tell him.

 

Firsts

My boy's first day of school is next week. Kindergarten. Now, I am not a SAHM so it's not like "he's leaving me" or anything...but it's still a big GIANT step.

He is growing so quickly, I often just stand back and watch him as he goes about his business. He doesn't want to take tub baths anymore, now he wants to shower. He doesn't want me to wash his hair, soap him up...he can do it. (I peek through the curtain or call out reminders about washing certain areas...) He wants to dress himself completely, doesn't even want help with his socks or shoes.

*SIGH*

We as parents need to learn to let go, I know. They can't be babies for ever, I know. But why does it make me so sad?

 

Laughing...

I don't like to add co-workers to my facebook page. I get paranoid and feel they are spying on me. I have gone as far as creating a "friend list" of the few co-workers I *do* have on my page, and omitting them from any status updates I do during the day. Funny how one of my friends here at work (she and I were friends before working here, and of course SHE is on my fb...) just came to me and told me that another co-worker asked where I was. She said "Well, if she isn't at her desk, she is probably in the bathroom or making copies or something...did you need her?" Other co-worker says "No, I meant on fb."

HA!

Hell to the mother effing no...

 

Unacceptable.

I got the news Monday morning. Open work e-mail and there it is: "Co-Worker has lost his son in a car accident..."
I lost it.
Monday morning. 8 a.m.

I lost it.

No parent should ever have to bury their FUCKING CHILDREN. This is UNACCEPTABLE.

18 years old. Just graduated high school. Has his whole life ahead of him.

Had.


Today was the wake, I went with K my office mate, and her sister. They come from the same small town as Co-Worker. Standing in the receiving line my mind was a mess. I needed a distraction. I noticed the girl standing in front of us had a safety pin holding her skirt together. It kept my mind off of the reason I was in this line. K would say things, she had been here before. Same funeral home. For her nephew. A car accident years ago.
"Same wallpaper."
Why wouldn't she wear another shirt to cover that safety pin?
"Oh, Look at so-and-so, I haven't seen her since High School."
She has to know people can see the damn thing.
"Sister, do you remember him? From the dry cleaners?"
Why do I care about this safety pin?

I paid my respects to my co-worker and his family.

I said hello and good-bye to his 18 year year old baby.

I drove home with the radio turned waaay too loud.

I grabbed my children and didn't let go for so long, they actually complained.
They are too young to understand.

UNACCEPTABLE.

I had spoken to K about what people would say about this. About why it happened. She said to me "When my nephew went, someone actually told my sister it was meant to be. I thought she would spit in their face." I get that. Why would it be "meant to be" to take such a young life? Why can't we all die old and wrinkled and full of happiness, peacefully in our sleep. I think like a child. I can't help it.

UNACCEPTABLE.

Because they are never too big for my lap...

Yesterday we went to a lake, and then went to a friend's house to watch movies. Since they were so exhausted from playing at the lake (and "swimming") and also playing with tons of toys at the friend's house...my babies came to cuddle with me and fall asleep on my lap. Both of them. Never in a million years will I turn them away - but hell when my legs started to fall asleep shortly after they had...WHOA. LOL!!! I quickly decided it was time to go home.

I have reopened the discussion of having my tubes tied. Daddy shrugs and says "If that's what you want..."

NO. NO IT IS NOT WHAT I WANT. I want the possibility of having more babies. I want the OPTION. But this IUD is making me into a COW and I don't want another baby (or miscarraige thankyouverymuch) RIGHT NOW...



Who freaking knows.

*SIGH*

Bittersweet...

Daddy and I attended a family wedding on Saturday. Between the church and the reception we went and grabbed a snack while the wedding party took photos. At some point we both got a message that a friend of ours from high school had passed away in a car accident. We knew all of our family members got the message at the same time, and suddenly time just stopped. Daddy and I were just silent in the park. I stopped taking pictures and hugged him. I wish the children had been with us so I could hug them too.

In a month this friend of ours would have turned 28. He was awesome. He and I actually tried the dating thing right after high school, before I met Daddy. We were meant to be friends, the dating stopped as quickly as it started. He went on to get get married and had two beautiful children, now 6 and 2. They have lost a wonderful father, his wife a great husband.

We went on to the reception and toasted to him as we toasted to the newlyweds.

RIP our great friend. You will be missed.

Sometimes....

sometimes you love your job.

And sometimes - like today - you want to grab someone by their neck and squeeze till their eyeballs pop out.


I'm just saying.

My Baby Boy....

I will be signing Little Man up for footbal tomorrow. *SIGH*

This is a contact sport. I do not like contact sports. I am not a contact sport FAN in any way... (okay, maybe boxing...) but it's too late to get him into teeball/softball because for some strange reason no one ADVERTISES sign-ups. How do people know about these sign-ups unless they already have children in sports? I heard about the little league sign-ups too late...
Football sign ups are tomorrow. Daddy doesn't think Little Man will like football, but I think he will enjoy it. He loves to run, that boy has energy for days. Throw a ball into the mix and he is in heaven. He's like a dog that way... lol!

I am excited and afraid all at once...and yes, it's only flag football but still...this leads to tackle football at some point (if he decides to stick with it that is...)

The cool thing is that in two years My Princess can be a cheerleader for the same team!

This is going to be interesting.

My Tomboy / My Princess

Ms. Diva loves to do what her big brother is doing. She climbs everywhere, runs everywhere, imitates anything he does. Last night she saw the K-Mart commercial that they have been showing to advertise their $10 Easter dresses, and she told us "Me want one!"
I wasn't really planning on doing much on Easter Sunday, maybe go to church in the morning but I was just going to put her in something pretty she already had. And comfortable, since she would probably be wanting to climb the pews... Now Daddy wants to get her a frilly dress so she can dress like a Princess on Easter.
Thank goodness they are only $10, because I don't see the point in getting her a frilly dress FOR ONE DAY. She grows so fast, that dress won't fit her for anything else she may need a dress for.
Little Man is simple, khakis, a button down and a sweater vest.

And a haircut.

I am actually cooking this year, which is a change. Usually for Holidays we go to both of our mother's houses. This year I bought a very small (tiny) ham, I am going to make some rice and potato salad, veggies for me and the kids...
We have had some crappy weather lately and my mother-in-law's house in under water. My mother's house is still an option IF she decides to make a dinner this year.
Are Holidays getting pretty "blah" for everyone or is it just me? I felt this way for Christmas as well....


BLAH.

Dusting the cover off...

Little Man is all registered for kindergarten for September. Now, I am not happy about this in the sense that he is turning 6 in November and I believe he should be placed in first grade...but the school system here has a September 1st cut-off for birthdays for each school year.
Hmmm.
But I am ecstatic that he is starting school! My Big Little Man!!!!

Just the other day he wrote all his numbers on a piece of paper and gave himself an "A" for doing a good job. Who needs teacher's to grade these things? (I am trying to upload the picture...aaaaannnnddd I can't.....SUPER!)