Progress?

We went to see my MIL yesterday.

Hmmmm.

Whatever her problem was it is over with, she saw the baby and fell in love because (according to her) the baby looks just like Daddy when he was a baby. So she even carried the baby, which she doesn't like to carry small babies she says it makes her nervous, but she wouldn't put my daughter down last night. The funny thing of it all was that my daughter loved her, she kept smiling up at her and she wouldn't go to sleep as long as my MIL was holding her. Daddy was glad.

Now I can take all the gifts my MIL had sent out from under the crib. YES- I put everything she sent under the crib, unopened and really unlooked at. I was NOT going to put anything on my daughter from that woman until she stopped with her bullshit. Seems childish, huh? Us spanish folks are very superstitious, God only knows what kind of mal-de-ojo (evil-eye) my MIL could have bought the gifts with, and it would somehow affect my daughter.

But all is fine and dandy, until the next bit of drama occurs, that is.

Tomorrow will be my first day away from the baby, Daddy asked my mother to babysit so he can wisk me away to a romantic (???) day at the races in New Hampshire. My mother is excited to spend her first full day with her grandbaby...I'm going to be a total nutcase without her. Little Man is coming with us. I'm going to be a total nutcase with him.
Hahaha.

Please........

.....don't hate me......

(see below)

Can I still shop?

So Friend brings me her laptop when she visits, and sometimes leaves it for those days or nights that I feel I want to kill someone...
That's when I get to blog and check my e-mail because God knows the stupid computer my sister gave me only works when it wants to so...
those few times when both kids are napping...those few and far between days, i actually get to browse after checking my e-mail, you know, when I should be washing dishes or napping myself...hahaha.
Skinny Bitch just told me that Wally World closed down its photo studios...which is where I used to take Little Man for his seasonal photos. I'm upset because despite the fact that it was Walmart, the pictures never came out that bad looking. And they had patience when Little Man didn't want to sit still. Now i'm going to have to go to Target for pictures. I've already been searching for Target coupons, seeing as how I have to cut corners everywhere. I am beyond brokity-broke, but I still want to get nice pictures of the kids. Just becasue I'm broke doesn't mean I can't look for good deals to get what I want. Daddy is happy enough, seeing as how I won't empty the bank account that way.
Right now I'm rocking the baby in her car seat, she's too small for the bouncy seat and won't just stay in the crib because for some reason she's wiiiiiiide awake right now even though she should be asleep. I've got a mean headache, and I've already taken my headache medicine. I need sleep. Please, Baby, go to sleep!!!!!!!!

Happy Father's Day

I've made plans with a few friends to go out next weekend sans kiddies. Daddy is staying with them. Let's see how that goes...
I haven't felt the way I did a few days ago...since then. So, good, right?
I found it weird too that the docs had put me on BC pills even though I'm not allowed "to insert anything into my va-jay-jay for six weeks" but they said something about regulating my period, seeing as how they couldn't get an "exact estimate' (their words) on my daughter's gestational age, my period has always been out of wack, and they think the pills will get me all 'normal'. I figure if I end up tying my tubes, who cares if my periods are regular, right?

Today Daddy and I took Little Man to Fantasy Land with Friend and her family. The kids had a great time, and they didn't even throw a fit when it was time to go, because they were already worn out and ready to pass out. I wanted to get a picture with Daddy and Little Man, but Daddy hates pics and would watch me to see when I reached for the camera so he could duck out of the way. I'm going to get a pic of him with the kids sooner or later...I did get a pic of him and the baby 'dancing' but he would kill me if I posted it. He used to do it with Little Man, too, put the music on and dance around the living room and i caught him doing it with the baby (SHE NEEDS A NICKNAME!!! ANY SUGGESTIONS?) so i grabbed a pic...

I have such a migraine right now, all that fantasyland fun got to me. I think that's why my sentences aren't really making much sense. So HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to the men who check in here, hope your day was great. I'm off.

Over and out.

I broke down

At my 6-week post partum check-up I'm going to accept a list of therapists from my gyno.

Yesterday was a bad day for me. Daddy called me at three telling me that he was on his way home from work. "YAY!" was all I could think. "FINALLY!"
Four Thirty came around and still no sign of him. I called him, on the verge of tears..."Where are you?" It may have come out a little stronger than I intended, due to the immense stress I felt. "At work, Man Whore came to order some parts and we're here talking." "You said you were coming home two hours ago." Now I just sounded naggy, I heard it myself but couldn't stop it. "Diana, I'll be home soon. I'm leaving right now."
I threw my phone down and just started bawling like a child. My poor son left his movie to come ask me what was wrong and I felt like an asshole for even letting him see me this way. My son should never have to see me cry.
WHen Daddy walked through the door, I thought I had collected myself. I had washed my face, took a few deep breaths, and I figured it was just a moment of hormonal shift. (I was put on birth control pills until we decide if we want to tie my tubes or not. That's another story.) But I looked at him and I broke down again. "I want to get out of this house." was all I could say to him. He hugged me and started asking me questions.
Here is what we established: The baby decided she didn't want to sleep at all that day, so I was up, too.
Little Man still doesn't want to listen to me.
Little Man thankfully hasn't been jealous with the baby but he wants to help and thinks he is big enough to hold her and feed her and burp her so I'm constantly having to tell him to get away from her.
I can't go anywhere while he's at work, because he takes the car. (His got banged up, remember?)

So I lost it.
We decided to see how the next few days go, to see if it was just a momentary thing, and if I feel like that again that I would call the insurance myself and get a list of doc's, if not then I can wait two weeks to talk to my gyno, whose opinion and recommendations I trust. The insurance company...well, they are stupid and the last time I asked them for the number to a therapist they gave me the number to a rehab place. Hmmm...

So funny how Nita just commented on me accepting anyone's help...I would if anyone was offering. I've hinted to my sister to start taking Little Man for a few hours a week just to give me a break and no go. She isn't too good at hints, but I also don't want to start worrying people and losing it in front of them, too. My mother's knee has been bothering her (the doc says she has a gout) so her taking Little Man is kinda...ehhhh....
So I'm taking it one day at a time, that's all I can do.
I was okay today. She slept, Little Man listened a tiny bit...
still...
*sigh*
I think it's the pills.

Too late for me to find this...

When I was still working at the office, My Prince had told me about a drunk driver taking his mailbox out one night. He was in a bit of a bind because where we live (in the city) it is rare to find one of those nice mailboxes you see outside at the end of people's driveways. All the Home D's here sell the type of mailbox that you stick (nail, whatever) to the side of your front door and call it a day. The thing is that I don't think My Prince wanted his mailman to walk a 5K just to get to his mailbox, seeing as how he has one of those driveways that go on forever. I never did find out if My Prince ever found a new mailbox...
Funny how today I saw these: residential column mailboxes, I bet a drunk driver wouldn't be able to wipe one of these out! I wish I could tell My Prince about it...but I haven't really spoken to anyone from the office since I left.
And it would have been nice if my boss had one of these commercial mailboxes, where each individual agent could have had their own box, then they wouldn't have been complaining to me if they didn't get their mail, it would have been the mailman's fault.
It's making me want to order a nice fancy mailbox for our house, so we could at least have something pretty there, seeing as how our bathroom ceiling is never going to be fixed and now I want something to compensate...even though a new bathroom ceiling would be preferred...
whatever.

Hazy

Yeah, i'm dead tired.

It's catching up to me now, the having a newborn and a toddler. Why haven't any of you told me how tired I would be? Why haven't any of you told me that no matter how good my daughter sleeps that my son will still wake up at the butt-crack of dawn and start crying for milk when I just laid down after feeding the baby?

Why haven't any of you told me that it doesn't matter if Daddy gets up with the baby that i will still be awake, making sure he's 'doing it right'? My anal ass still checks up on him when he's dealing with Little Man...I have to cut that shit out. I need sleep.

I need a babysitter for Little Man for a couple hours a day so I can sleep.

Because that's all I think about...

2 a.m feeding? My thoughts: if I put her down now I can at least sleep till six before she gets up again...and then maybe I can sneak a nap in before Daddy and Little Man get up...

2 p.m feeding? My thoughts: If I can get her and Little Man to fall asleep together, then maybe I can take a nap at least for a couple hours...

It's all I can think about.

I'm done worrying about the house.

The living room has been declared a disaster area.

The dishes need to be washed with a Hazmat suit on.

I don't think I've cooked in weeks...

And don't get me started on the mess in my bathroom due to the stupid leak that STILL hasn't been fixed. That water coming down is nasty.

The only thing I can do faithfully is take the garbage bag out of the garbage and put it out in the hall (for Daddy to throw away) because I can't take the smell of the diapers.

But hey, I bought some great looking sandals: you like? (don't mind the retarded way my toes look here, I was trying to balance one foot out and balancing is NOT my forte...so my stupid big toe looks like it's coming off the sandal. I am NOT one of those chicks that puts on sandals that do not fit...) Yeah, and don't point out that I need some polish because I know...I've been trying to book a pedi with my special person, and the bitch (my sister, hehehe) is always booked when I have free time.

So your homework assignment (for you folks with two children, or more, or even what you've seen or heard) is to WARN ME! Tell me what I'm going to go through. Tell me terror stories so that I'm not surprised when they happen to me. Tell me cute stories so I can remember to smile when they happen. Tell me EVERYTHING. ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING.

Laughable...but not really.

• So the ceiling in my bathroom crashed down...into my bathroom. Nice huh? Selfish moved back in upstairs this past weekend after her drama a few months ago. She hired some half-priced contractors to re-do her kitchen and bathroom area (make the bathroom bigger and the kitchen smaller, she doesn't friggin' cook.) The thing is that the half-priced contractors are apparently half-assed workers, because besides the fact that they haven't been to the house to do any work since Thursday, they also left something leaking in her house that soaked my bathroom ceiling and sent the ceiling crashing. I hate being a renter, because i called Selfish to tell her and do you think they have come to fix anything? NO! And now I have dirty water leaking into my bathroom sink. It smells. Thank God we're planning on moving.


• So I was online searching for ways to aleviate Daddy's back pain without him having to be so doped up...You guys have to read the second paragraph at this site, it's hilarious. I went and told Daddy his pain is psychosomatic and he told me all my headaches were pshychosomatic. So I was all intrigued at the site and started surfing...and God almighty if I didn't laugh hard at some things that were written there! Like the hyperventalating dog...seriously??? Call your VET!!! I can't say that a lot of the questions are not legit and well, not funny, but that one got my sides to hurt. But wait- here's another funny one...someone wants to make a cake that requires an OVEN using a microwave. HMMMMMMM?????? While the back question was really helpful, as are others, those kill me.


• I think I need to think of better ideas to potty train my son. While he's peeing fine (with M&M's as a bribe of course) he still won't tell me when he has to poop. He's done it before (twice to be exact) but now he leaves it to me to discover it when he knocks me over with his stench. Ideas? Tips? Mind you the M&M's are only working for pee-pee, I've tried offering him more for poop but NOPE! Not having it!

And a gratuitous baby photo of Daddy making the baby smile and making me jealous:

Just stuff.

This picture is going to get enlarged and put on the living room. It's funny how he looks so much darker than her, but he's waaaaay lighter than her. She's getting to be Daddy's color, but her hands are still my color. (You know, the fish-belly yellow...LOL!)
I love the face she was making at him here. He had just kissed her and she made the face.

So I'm tired. Surprised? I'm not, but man, the bags under my eyes can swallow you whole.

Daddy got rear-ended the other day. His neck and back are messed up, docs took him out of work for a week (YAY! I get adult company for a week!) and he's doped up on muscle relaxers and pain killers. The car is fine, it can obviously take a beating, but now he's set on getting rid of it. I just shrug, it's his car...as for my car, I want to get rid of it because I need something a little bigger and more comfortable. Thinking on maybe an SUV again, but the gas prices...grrrrrrrrrrr.

I may start the blogging for money thing again, but I'm not sure if I'm going back to PPP, there's another one I found that's less commercialy (is that a word?) and they offer pretty good money. I need money. Unemployment is giving me $80 less than I was making at work, and with two kids and rent, we are cutting it close. Too close for my comfort.

Oh, God my head hurts. Little Man has taken to running around and screaming his head off, by the end of the day my temples feel like they are going to pulse right off my face.

Typing with one hand...

...because I'm holding my daughter. (SQUEEEEEEAAAALLL!!!!)
Sorry, I'm still a little excited.

Girls are totally different than boys. Little Man hardly slept, was always attached to the boobage, would instantly fuss if he even thought I was going to eat...this one (she doesn't have a nickname yet...) she eats, sleeps and poops. Literally. Yeah, I know she's only 16 days old and it'll change, but Little Man was set in his ways as soon as we were released from the hospital. She is already having a lot of awake time, which I'm trying to keep during the day so she can learn to sleep at night so I can keep my sanity. Or find it again. Whatever.
She smiles so much, mostly with her Daddy (bastard!) and he loves every second of it. We have a new bet going on whether she will say Mommy or Daddy first, just as we had with Little Man. I lost the bet with our son...the kid said Daddy first in a moment of anger while I was changing his stinky diaper. Yep, he cried "Daddy!" in that pitiful way only a child can do... I'm hoping she lets me win my money back.

We are looking for a new place to live, since our place is very very small and already getting uncomfortable with her arrival. Little Man is staying in the bed with us (ugh...) and she is sleeping in the crib. When we move we're planning on buying Little Man a nice Spidey bed so he can actually sleep in it (he's got an obbsession with the spidey guy right now.) She will keep the crib, which is still in brand spankin' new condition since Little Man only used it for a year.

I can't believe the person this little girl has brought out of my husband. From the second she was out it was like he changed, he is softer and more affectionate. We have never been touchy-feely people, we don't say "I love you" to eachother too often, we cuddle once in a while...but now he's doing all of that more. It's crazy. The commercial is right, having a baby changes everything. Little Man had an effect on him, too, just not to this extent.

She is healthy and strong so far. We have her two-week appointment tomorrow to check her weight and all that good stuff, and hopefully everything is still great. She is a strong eater, already going for four full ounces in one sitting, every four hours like clockwork. I can set a schedule by her, while with Little Man I couldn't do ANYTHING because he would take in a little milk here and a little there, never getting full and always needing to be fed. She's going to be a drama queen, we already know. Besides her dramatic and overwhelming entrance to our world, she cries funny when she's hungry. How mean are we that we watch her cry while we hold the bottle instead of just giving it to her...with a smile on our faces. Yeah, we're assholes. But what she does is she cries a little bit, stops to see if we're watching or if she sees the bottle coming, and she lets out this little scream...I can't describe it. It's like she's yelling at me already. And we laugh.

She is going to look like Daddy, we think. She is already darkening up. So she is going to look like him and act like me while Little Man looks like me and acts like Daddy. Little Daddy is in love, too I forgot to mention that last night. His mother is pissed (who cares really?) that he wants to come over all the time to play with Little Man and see his new baby sister.

Okay, my back hurts from sitting here like this, so I'm done. Don't want permanent back pain over here... But I think I will be able to post more often, so watch out now! More boring New-Mommy-Again stories and photos from that wonderful digital I still haven't broken...LOL!

Holy SHIT!!!!

I finally got to log in!!!!


I've been coming to Friend's house trying to log in non-stop with no success, I think blogger was mad at me for some reason.





I have so much to tell you guys...first of all I have someone to introduce you to...please don't hate me for not telling you sooner...


meet our daughter.





Let me give you a minute to let that sink in.


We have a daughter.


A beautiful little girl born the 18th of May, at 6 lbs. 2 oz.


fear and nerves and the fact that we didn't want to DEAL with the "Oh, I'm so sorry, Diana." and "These things happen..." and well, BULLSHIT!!!

There are so many reasons I didn't tell you guys, but none of them seem good enough now. And I regret it. But even as we were walking into L&D,(well, Daddy was walking and I was nearly at a crawl) with blood falling from my crotch and into a pool below me, I felt we were having another loss. In fact they TOLD me we were having a miscarraige. They were prepping me for a D&C until I told them I felt something come out of me...they lifted the blanket and HEY! Let's try giving her an ultrasound! And there was still a heartbeat. And then there was a whole arm shoved up my insides and "UPSTAIRS! She's NINE CENTIMETERS!" It was an episode of ER live and in person for us. The speeding through the halls on the gurny, the nurses screaming at people to get out of the way, me clutching my stomach because holy hell I was in pain and it was TOO SOON!!! She wasn't supposed to be here for another month and a half. Daddy's face as pale as I've ever seen him, and he's dark so it is freaky seeing him so pale. No time for meds, no epidural no morphine just PUSH NOW! was what I was told and I kept screaming at them to just kill me because IT HUUUUUURT! Daddy holding my hand and my leg and trying to comfort me and stay calm himself at the same time, twenty minutes later she came out. 7:40 p.m, but she didn't cry. The NICU team surrounded her, not letting us see her. We didn't even know that she was a girl for another twenty minutes, when her apgars finally went up to 9 (they started at 4).

The head NICU doc stayed with her in my room for an hour and a half, telling me he would probably have to take her and keep her for a week or so. Daddy not wanting to call anyone, because if she didn't make it I didn't want anyone near me. I didn't want to be comforted again. There is no comfort for loss. NONE. I wouldn't have been able to handle it again. When the doc decided she could stay with me instead of going to the NICU, Daddy went outside and started with the phonecalls. Can you believe that I have people angry at me? Like my MIL, who still has yet to come and see my daughter... I can't even wrap my mind around the fact that people can be angry at us for having this beautiful little girl, that they can be so shallow and stupid to be angry at me for having my miracle baby...my daughter.

My daughter.

Oh my GOD, I have a daughter.

Little Man is in love....




I'm in love. Daddy's in love, when he gets home from work he takes her and doesn't let me touch her. "She's Daddy's little girl." he says to me.
Her middle name is the word miracle in Portuguese, she's our miracle baby. Probably our last try...

Those of you reading this, don't be angry with me for not sharing this as soon as we found out...

I never had even told my bossman (who still won't talk to me mind you...I don't know if word got back to him yet about her...)

I have to go now...I want to check in with you guys and let you know I got to write a new post........