Holy SHIT!!!!

I finally got to log in!!!!


I've been coming to Friend's house trying to log in non-stop with no success, I think blogger was mad at me for some reason.





I have so much to tell you guys...first of all I have someone to introduce you to...please don't hate me for not telling you sooner...


meet our daughter.





Let me give you a minute to let that sink in.


We have a daughter.


A beautiful little girl born the 18th of May, at 6 lbs. 2 oz.


fear and nerves and the fact that we didn't want to DEAL with the "Oh, I'm so sorry, Diana." and "These things happen..." and well, BULLSHIT!!!

There are so many reasons I didn't tell you guys, but none of them seem good enough now. And I regret it. But even as we were walking into L&D,(well, Daddy was walking and I was nearly at a crawl) with blood falling from my crotch and into a pool below me, I felt we were having another loss. In fact they TOLD me we were having a miscarraige. They were prepping me for a D&C until I told them I felt something come out of me...they lifted the blanket and HEY! Let's try giving her an ultrasound! And there was still a heartbeat. And then there was a whole arm shoved up my insides and "UPSTAIRS! She's NINE CENTIMETERS!" It was an episode of ER live and in person for us. The speeding through the halls on the gurny, the nurses screaming at people to get out of the way, me clutching my stomach because holy hell I was in pain and it was TOO SOON!!! She wasn't supposed to be here for another month and a half. Daddy's face as pale as I've ever seen him, and he's dark so it is freaky seeing him so pale. No time for meds, no epidural no morphine just PUSH NOW! was what I was told and I kept screaming at them to just kill me because IT HUUUUUURT! Daddy holding my hand and my leg and trying to comfort me and stay calm himself at the same time, twenty minutes later she came out. 7:40 p.m, but she didn't cry. The NICU team surrounded her, not letting us see her. We didn't even know that she was a girl for another twenty minutes, when her apgars finally went up to 9 (they started at 4).

The head NICU doc stayed with her in my room for an hour and a half, telling me he would probably have to take her and keep her for a week or so. Daddy not wanting to call anyone, because if she didn't make it I didn't want anyone near me. I didn't want to be comforted again. There is no comfort for loss. NONE. I wouldn't have been able to handle it again. When the doc decided she could stay with me instead of going to the NICU, Daddy went outside and started with the phonecalls. Can you believe that I have people angry at me? Like my MIL, who still has yet to come and see my daughter... I can't even wrap my mind around the fact that people can be angry at us for having this beautiful little girl, that they can be so shallow and stupid to be angry at me for having my miracle baby...my daughter.

My daughter.

Oh my GOD, I have a daughter.

Little Man is in love....




I'm in love. Daddy's in love, when he gets home from work he takes her and doesn't let me touch her. "She's Daddy's little girl." he says to me.
Her middle name is the word miracle in Portuguese, she's our miracle baby. Probably our last try...

Those of you reading this, don't be angry with me for not sharing this as soon as we found out...

I never had even told my bossman (who still won't talk to me mind you...I don't know if word got back to him yet about her...)

I have to go now...I want to check in with you guys and let you know I got to write a new post........