Unemployment: Week Five.

The saga continues.

This is what the world is coming to...

Craziness. Oh, so sad. One of my co-workers told me about this one and she was on the verge of tears. She has had a similar situation happen, but obviously with a different outcome. How very sad that she couldn't find another way... her poor husband and son...


More craziness. This hit especially close to home, literally. This bank robbery (yes, robbery, not ATTEMPTED robbery as they were originally saying) was down the road from the college where my mother works. The suspects both ran into the backyard of a nearby house, where they were cornered by the police. Here is where the news gets fuzzy - because they are so concerned with this 'image'...
One suspect shot at the cops, hit one so they shot him. Understandable. The other suspect somehow jumped the fence in the midst of the shootings and ran into the college. And hid. My mother called me, whispering, "I'm okay." I was confused "what are you talking about mom?" I was at work, don't exactly have a tv playing in front of me. She hurriedly told me and then said she had to get off the phone. She told me there was money scattered everywhere and she could hear shots going off. I was shaking at this point. "I'm okay, we are locked in my office, he couldn't get in if he tried." How true, the reinforced doors that were put in years ago, no window, not an easy thing to overcome. Eventually they got him. He was hiding for hours. The college and every single street leading to and from it was locked down. But notice how the news will not mention the college. Bad publicity. Thankfully, no one at the college got hurt in any way, and I know that's the only way they would have mentioned the college...but he's caught. Thank God. This hit way too close...

But this is our world now. People are so desperate for money and everyone's lives are going to shit because of our wonderful economy. But there isn't a recession right? No depression either?

25...again

For years I have cried at the fact that my father spells my name wrong. Yes, he really does. Like Noelia - I use my second name. When my father sends me mail he uses my birth name, which he. spells. wrong. Every time. Without fail. It's just one letter, but it's still WRONG.
Well, what's worse - is my mother forgets my birthday. After they had gotten divorced my mother dated a guy whose birthday was the day before mine. For some reason, after they had broken up she always wished me a happy birthday the day before my birthday. I know it's probably unintentional but she is my MOTHER. She birthed me! How can she forget my birthday!
Last night my mother called me and invited us all to a nice dinner at her house to take place tonight. She didn't say it was my birthday dinner...just dinner. I came home for lunch to spend some cuddling time with Daddy and the kids and my mother calls me, laughing hysterically. "The dinner is not tonight!" She says. "Okay..." "I did it again! I planned the dinner for your birthday so it's going to be tomorrow! Not tonight! SORRY!" She was still laughing. I didn't find it funny. I told Daddy the dinner has moved to tomorrow, because it is, in fact my birthday dinner. He laughed too. I don't see the humor in my own flesh and blood fucking up like this!
Okay, so it's a little funny.
Only a little.

Tomorrow I turn 25 again. Last year I swore I was never turning older than 25, and I'm keeping that promise. I'm really turning 26 but don't tell anyone, m'kay?

A picture is worth a thousand words

This picture was taken an afternoon that a friend of mine asked for the kids to come over. An afternoon without kids? HELL YES! I went and had my sister wax my eyebrows and chit-chatted while the kids went and destroyed her backyard. At the time this picture was taken, Baby Girl had already taken her hair out of the ponytails the babysitter had put it in(she did some Medusa-type hairstyle that actually looked a little ridiculous I can see why she wanted them out), and Little Man had peeled off his band-aids to show off the adhesive that wonderfully sticks to ones skin.
They are gorgeous. They are huge.

Baby Steps

I have taken some steps that will better our future. I will not speak of them yet, as I do not want to jinx anything. I am a firm believer in jinxing things, I speak of that all the time.
So, here's my deep breath : *sigh* and here's to my jump into the unknown.
Today my mother asked me why we live here if my SIL hates me so much and I broke into tears (the come so easily these days) and all I could manage was "We can't afford anywhere else to live..."
We're still waiting on the call...
I hate waiting.

I'm starting to feel a *little* better

but not enough. We still haven't heard anything about the job, we're in the middle of week three of him not working. He's been staying with Little Man, it's an adventure all around.
I did have this post all ready about how Little Man finally left my bed and ventured out on his own to the futon in the living room: no joke! for two straight days he ASKED to sleep in the futon by him self "like a big boy" and he slept through the night both nights! HOLY HELL! But of course, since I told my mother about it I jinxed myself and last night he only made it through half the night. It would have been his third night, but... 2 a.m that boy was walking back to my room. It was nice while it lasted, really. My bed is actually quite spacey when it's only me and Daddy in it! Tonight there wasn't even an effort, he just came straight to the bed to sleep. *sigh*. until the next time he wants to feel like a big boy I guess...

Bills IQ

I took the bills IQ test to see how financially fit we are.
I got a 74%, which is a C, average. I am well aware of my debt but there is nothing really being done about it. Well, right now really isn't the time to even get into that...

I learned that payment history is the greatest factor in the calculation of your credit score. That's a big one for me. A few cards I had before I had Little Man are in default, and I know that I want to fix them, but I am going to have to seek professional help in doing so, maybe some debt consolidation. I know the importance of checking up on my credit score, but let me tell you I doubt that anyone would want to steal my identity at this point. (haha) I have spoken to Daddy already about paying off my cards, i just need us to be financially stable (read: him with a job!) so that I can put money away for this. I need to put money away for Little Mans schooling coming up, too now that I think of it... I think the only thing I have that's in the 'good range' of the quiz is the 401K and life insurance I signed up for at work.

When comparing my test results to others, mine is well below the average score, and that's good to know. Someday I will be up again...
(How's that for optimism? Am I improving?)

What is your name?

Just because things are really shitty around here doesn't mean the kids stop being cute. Little Man is really into 'writing' right now. There is almost always a pen and paper in his hand, and he 'writes' things down. They are usually a scribble...
Well today he comes to me in the room and says "Mommy, I'm writing your name."
"Okay baby, and what is my name?" He has called me by my name before so I was expecting him to say it...instead he says "Mrs. Doriguez."
I look at Daddy, who is already smiling.
"Baby what's your name?" I ask.
"Little Man Doriguez."

It's too funny that he is even saying (or closely saying) our last name...
I love it. I'll be sad the day he says it correctly.

*Still waiting for the 'you're hired!' phonecall for Daddy. Please keep praying or thinking, or doing your rain dances. They have helped before...thank you for thinking of us.

Stem Cell Research reaching different levels

We've all heard of Stem Cell research with banking your child's umbilical cord blood to be stored away until it's needed to fight diseases and such things...well now there are scientists saying that stem cells found in a woman's menstrual cycle are becoming key in the treatment of many life threatening diseases such as Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, heart disease, and even strokes. These stem cells that are safely and easily harvested from a woman's menstrual cycle are taken to be processed and stored at very low temperatures for their future use in in cellular therapy. It is also being said that these cells may also be used for sports medicine or anti-aging therapy...who doesn't love that idea?
Stop in and check out some C'elle client testimonials and see what all the buzz is about.
You never now, this 'curse' we all complain about may one day end up saving your life, or a loved ones life.

one car is parked until further notice.

one car is parked. no more eating out. (crap, i have to cook! lol)
the sad thing is i still make too much alone for us to get public assistance...
WTF???

Police need to stay safe...

I watch TRUTV all the time. It's a sickness. World's Wildest Police Videos, Cops, World's Stupidest Criminals...you name it I'm there...when I can actually sit and watch tv anyway...
Policemen put their lives on the line everyday to protect people, they always need to be geared up to a T...
It's a good thing they are supplied with tactical gear to keep them alive during these scary situations. Everything form flashlights that connect to guns to under-armour clothing...they need everything they can get to keep them safe so they can continue to keep us safe.

I'm here...

I"m alive. That's saying a lot.
We're going into the third week of Daddy not working.
I think I should start packing our stuff since we won't be able to live here much longer.
He had an interview last Wednesday but we haven't heard anything, and they don't know that we are on an emergency-need-to-know-now type situation.
*sigh*

For all of you:

Be safe everyone!

Let's just make things a *little* better around here...

Tomorrow there is a company meeting for Daddy's job.

It determines who falls under the 80% of the employees that are going to get laid off as of tomorrow's meeting.

Who wants to place bets that Daddy falls into the 80%? I'll put money on it...


***Edited to add : I wasn't going to write anymore, but I can't seem to walk away right now***


I have lost a considerable amount of weight lately. Not due to exercising or dieting as normal people would, I have just been so stressed out...
It's enough that people have been making comments about it. Daily. I get a lot of "You look good, though." So, is that a way to make me feel better about it? Most of my work clothes are extremely loose fitting right now so I can't even wear most of them. I have been eating. I figure I would throw that in there in case anyone felt deemed to ask...
My mother bought the kids some clothes for the summer, sandals, beach towels, sunglasses. I am really grateful but it makes me feel so shitty at the same time that WE can't buy this stuff for them. This keeps me up at night. This has me distracted at work. You can mold the skin under my eyes into shapes and take pictures and display it as art...that's how saggy and baggy my eyes are. My hair is falling out. This is the ugly truth. This is the ugly me. Daddy is trying so hard to be optimistic about it all and I smile in front of him so he won't see...he hugs me. He lingers in a hug...
I don't think he knows how much I cry. No one does, I have only let it out here, really.
Something that killed me the other day: I don't even know what set it off but I ended up breaking down in the kitchen, the kids were in the living room happily playing. Or so I thought. They both ended up in my lap, and my babies were trying to wipe my tears away. They should never see me cry like that, and they did. Someday they will understand that I just want to make a good life for them. Things weren't supposed to be like this. Daddy and I were supposed to do so much better for them.
And the government still says we aren't in a recession.
Tomorrow marks another shitty day.
Unemployment for him won't cover what we pay. Jobs around here...ha. Good joke. There basically are no jobs around here.
Even the paid posts are few and far between, there are so many people working with the companies now that the jobs get snatched up before I can get to any.
I should go to bed. I should try to sleep tonight.


(Tuesday wrote this. Very true. I'm very Mom-In.)

Take the good with the bad...

that's how I see things.

Let's pretend I"m happy again shall we?

I'm feeling very Betty Crocker-ish today but when I looked in the fridge all I had was one egg. So my baking will consist of corn muffins, because that's all I have that requires one egg. Why anyone didn't tell me (daddy...) that there was only one egg left is beyond me.

My car has decided to be really warm, and not in a good way. Over-heating. So far we have changed the thermostat, the radiator & fan and it's still over heating....all that's left is the head gasket. Piece of shit. I'm so angry with my car right now.

Meme#2 as promised.

Ms. Bikini tagged me for this. So blame her for my failure. LOL!
In her words:

The meme originated over an idea that was prompted by the book written by Larry Smith & Rachel Fershleiser, Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six Word Memoirs by Writers Famous & Obscure. It’s a compilation based on the story that Hemingway once bet ten dollars that he could sum up his life in six words. His words were, “For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn.”

Here are the rules:

1. Write your own six word memoir.
2. Post it to your blog including a visual illustration if you would like.
3. Link to the person who tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogsphere
4. Tag 5 more blogs with links
5. Don’t forget to leave a comment in the tagged blogs with an invitation to play

I didn't come up with six words. My five words came to me and have settled in my head. They will actually end up being the cause of my next bout with depression, I just know it.

WHAT IF THIS IS IT?

I look at my life, at our life and that is always what I think... the constant struggle, the penny pinching, the craptastic piece of shit that it is.
I don't think we will ever be more than this and it kills me inside. We will never move into another house because this. is. it. This is what we can afford. Barely. I will always have to deal with the bullshit from upstairs. I will always cry because I can't put laundry away because we have two closets and one is full of shit that is still packed from when we fucking moved here. I will always be wondering what could be but won't be.
Half of my fucking paycheck goes to childcare and that's a personal babysitter, it isn't even daycare where I will be paying what I pay now - EXCEPT FOR ONE KID ONLY. Why am I working again? Daddy will never get a better job. He will always be here working 28 fucking hours instead of a full schedule. Thinking positive has gotten me no fucking where. It's gotten me a head full of bullshit. Unreachable dreams. It's made my depression worse because the false hopes I carry just cloud the obvious.
This. is. it.
I can't go back to school. If I stop working we're fucked. If he stops working we're fucked. But, it looks like we're fucked anyway.
STUCK.
If I can't go back to school I can never make more money.
STUCK.
THIS. IS. IT.
I don't want my kids to grow up like this.
I didn't want to grow up like this.

Bikini, I'm sorry I've gone and ruined the meme...
those really were the five words I had come up with and they fucked my head all up.

i owe you...

meme #2 has been put aside. See, for some reason my brain registered FIVE words were needed for this meme and I spent all day trying to figure out what my five words would be,...and then I went to Bikini's page to re-read the instructions before I posted...
and wouldn't you know it's six words...
Now I have to come up with six words that make sense...
And I had a whole post written in my head explaining my five words...
dammit!
So the meme is postponed one more day...don't kill me Bikini.

Remain Active

There comes a time in ones life when the arthritis kicks in...
when the knees just aren't working like they used to and taking a bath is hard work. This becomes especially difficult for those who don't have shower stalls, just tubs, because getting in and out of the tub requires a lot of leg work.
Having a walkin tub helps these people out a whole lot. The door opens for easy entry and exit with a low threshold for easy stepping. Safety bar and built-in safety seat make for extreme peace of mind for you and your loved ones. The package is topped off with a hand-held shower head for easy rinsing.
Consider a walk-in tub for anyone you know that may be having difficulty getting in and out of the tub but doesn't want anyone there physically helping them. This may make their lives a little easier.

Meme #1

I have received two meme's in the past week. I haven't gotten one in ages, I thought people forgot I existed, and now that I have been tagged I can't even find the time to write them. But I am doing them both! Because I care! Just not both today, so this one was received first, and tomorrow I will do the next one. This one was actually sent through e-mail by one of my co-workers... but I liked it enough to post here. Of course I had to change the names and I can't think on the spot so the nicknames are half-assed and stupid. But you get the idea. Now I must sleep! I won't tag anyone individually since I'm going to ave to do that for the next one - but how's this? if you're blocked, do it! If you want to do it, then do it! Just let me know if you did it so I can read your answers!
Enjoy.


Welcome to the 2008 edition of getting to know your friends.

Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be lame and

Spoil the fun.

Copy this entire email and paste into a new email that you can send,

Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to a

Whole bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person that sent it to you.

Some of you may get this several times (that means you have lots of

Friends).

1. What is your occupation? I'm not quite sure...I don't think they gave me a title...

2. What color are your socks right now? no socks, bare feet

3. What are you listening to right now? the fan keeping the babies cool

4. What was the last thing that you ate? rice and steak (yum!)

5. Can you drive a stick shift? yes

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? blue

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Skinny Guat. he was looking for Daddy.

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? of course, she keeps me sane at work.

9. How old are you today? 25. The age I'll be forever...lol!

10. Favorite drink? Soda. or Water. Really cold ice water.

11. What is your favorite sport to watch?sports are boring. well, sometimes car racing..but even that gets boring too...

12. Have you ever dyed your hair? No but I want to

13. Pets? Little Man, Baby Girl, and Daddy. LOL! (Do they count?)

14. Favorite food? Anything. I'm a food person.

15. Last movie you watched? Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins, and it was funny as hell!

16. Favorite Day of the year? ???DUNNO???

17. What do you do to vent your anger? I listen to music very. very loud in my car. Or call someone and cry like a baby. But usually the car thing.

18. What is your favorite season? summer, summer, summer-time

19. What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies.

20. Hugs or kisses? both please!

21. Cherry or Blueberry? uummm on what?

22. Do you want your friends to email you back? Hell yes.

23. Who is most likely to respond? Bestie1, in about three months.

24. Who is least likely to respond? Bestie2 And my sister.

25. What happened to Ricky Martin? Didn't he get swallowed by a whale or something?

26. When was the last time you cried? Few days ago.

27. What is on the floor of your closet? Shoes. And some towels and sheets that fell on top of me the other day and I can't reach the shelf to put them back up...

28. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to? My sister.

29. Who is the friend you have had the shortest? (3 co-workers)

30. Favorite smells? My babies.

31. Who inspires you? My babies.

32. What are you afraid of? Not being prepared.

33. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? yummmm...spicy....

34. Favorite car? Mine.

35. Favorite cat breed? none. I'm not really a cat person anymore.

36. Number of keys on your key ring? Really - 8. According to Daddy I'm a janitor.

37. How many years at your current job? Ha, years... 4 months at my current position. 6 months with the company itself.

38. Favorite day of the week? Saturdays.

39. How many states have you lived in? two? I think? maybe three...

40. Do you think you're funny? I crack myself up.

41. What do you do when you are bored? sorry, I don't have time to be bored. My children don't allow that. It's against their rules.

42. What time do you get up in the morning? Whenever Baby Girl feels like it. She seems to be under the impression that I'm a morning person. Someone needs to school her.

43. What do you wash first hair or body? Hair.

44. Favorite TV show? Can't follow anything steadily, but I really like anything funny. I need funny.

Does anyone do it anymore?

And by do it I mean say something in their head before they let it come out of their mouth...

today - overheard - was "I don't like watching basketball because it makes me think of having black man sweat all over me."

WHAT?????????

I was standing next to a black man, a co-worker and friend of mine, and I turned more red than i have ever turned in my life, and the words didn't even come out of my mouth. He was pissed, as he should have been.

Now here's my issue. I know racism exists, I know there are still some very closed minded people out there that are entitled to their opinions as am I, but do they really have to ignorantly say shit like that out loud? I was so hurt for my friend.