I broke down

At my 6-week post partum check-up I'm going to accept a list of therapists from my gyno.

Yesterday was a bad day for me. Daddy called me at three telling me that he was on his way home from work. "YAY!" was all I could think. "FINALLY!"
Four Thirty came around and still no sign of him. I called him, on the verge of tears..."Where are you?" It may have come out a little stronger than I intended, due to the immense stress I felt. "At work, Man Whore came to order some parts and we're here talking." "You said you were coming home two hours ago." Now I just sounded naggy, I heard it myself but couldn't stop it. "Diana, I'll be home soon. I'm leaving right now."
I threw my phone down and just started bawling like a child. My poor son left his movie to come ask me what was wrong and I felt like an asshole for even letting him see me this way. My son should never have to see me cry.
WHen Daddy walked through the door, I thought I had collected myself. I had washed my face, took a few deep breaths, and I figured it was just a moment of hormonal shift. (I was put on birth control pills until we decide if we want to tie my tubes or not. That's another story.) But I looked at him and I broke down again. "I want to get out of this house." was all I could say to him. He hugged me and started asking me questions.
Here is what we established: The baby decided she didn't want to sleep at all that day, so I was up, too.
Little Man still doesn't want to listen to me.
Little Man thankfully hasn't been jealous with the baby but he wants to help and thinks he is big enough to hold her and feed her and burp her so I'm constantly having to tell him to get away from her.
I can't go anywhere while he's at work, because he takes the car. (His got banged up, remember?)

So I lost it.
We decided to see how the next few days go, to see if it was just a momentary thing, and if I feel like that again that I would call the insurance myself and get a list of doc's, if not then I can wait two weeks to talk to my gyno, whose opinion and recommendations I trust. The insurance company...well, they are stupid and the last time I asked them for the number to a therapist they gave me the number to a rehab place. Hmmm...

So funny how Nita just commented on me accepting anyone's help...I would if anyone was offering. I've hinted to my sister to start taking Little Man for a few hours a week just to give me a break and no go. She isn't too good at hints, but I also don't want to start worrying people and losing it in front of them, too. My mother's knee has been bothering her (the doc says she has a gout) so her taking Little Man is kinda...ehhhh....
So I'm taking it one day at a time, that's all I can do.
I was okay today. She slept, Little Man listened a tiny bit...
still...
*sigh*
I think it's the pills.