Thursday, June 29, 2006

Home Remedies

I found this funny. I'm weird that way. Let me know if you laughed, too.
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the toothache.
8. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
9. Sometimes we just need to remember what The Rules of Life really are: You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.
10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
11. And finally... Be really good to your family and friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.


seeingdouble said...

I laughed, and I'm forwarding this to some friends... they'll get a kick out of it.

Mama of 2 said...

Yep you got a laugh out of me as well.
Thanks for it too cause in a few hours I am going to need it. first tournament ball game tonight and I'm already dereading it

Kristen said...

I got that email and laughed my ass off- so no, you're not alone!

Melissa said...

My favorite is #5. And I always told my hubby #8 -- that is totally true!

Julie said...

Hilarious, thanks!

Jenny said...

"Everyone seems normal until you get to know them."

I LOVE this.

supermom said...

Ok, I scared the baby ...laughing so hard!