Not knowing how to let go

I have a longish list of blogs on my sidebar. At one point I was reading them all every single day, keeping up with everyone's lives and following their ups and downs and in-betweens...
Then I lost my job and had my daughter. And I went on a hiatus...
When I came back I discovered that some of the blog owner's have erased(?) their blogs, or have just stopped writing. I have considered erasing them from my sidebar, and as I was adjusting things around here I almost did it. But then I thought "well, what if they come back? what if something is wrong? what if...what if... what if..."
So it led to me (obviously) not erasing any blogs, but with no other way to contact many of these people other than through their own blogs, i wonder if maybe I just should have erased them.

How do you decide who stays and goes on your sidebar?

blogger is stupid. i'm trying to fix all this but it keeps kicking me off. excuse the mess while i try to fix it.

can anybody tell me why the stupid title and description wont move over so they dont block my kids faces???

Jumbled Mess

• Not sleeping. Very very tired.
• Baby girl has not taken any more steps. She has tried but doesn't get anywhere but flat on her ass. It's cute to watch. She stands really well, though.
• Was in the hospital with Little Man with another scary asthma attack. More roids, more pumps. No sleep.
• My daughter will head butt you and laugh if you say ouch.
• The roids make my son hyper. The albuterol makes my son super hyper. Mix those two medicines together...and no, they do not make him crash after a while, they never seem to wear off.

First Steps!

She took a step today! All by herself without holding on! Whoa- I thought Little Man walked fast at ninie months, she has him beat if she keeps walking, she's only 8 months!

Maybe NOT two weeks notice...

So I may not go to BTI.
Turns out that the position I had turned down before, the full time one with Curly Sue, is going to be open soon. The girl Curly Sue had hired, which is Hot Mess, is going to be fired. Curly Sue pulled me aside yesterday to tell me that Hot Mess is just not working out and she wanted to know if I was still interested in some extra hours. Curly Sue told me that she actually doesn't need anyone full time, so I would be doing part time in the afternoons, but it would be like full time to me since I would still working for Carebear and Lexus in the morning.
I like the company I workor, it wasn't like I was looking to leave because I didn't like them, it was just because we need the money. Which brings me to tell you that if you're not happy that I'm doing some ads again, I apologize. Daddy got cut down to 28 hours at work, and I'm still only doing 20. So until I get the extra hours, and Daddy gets back up to 40, you may be seeing some of those ads. Again, I'm sorry. Any little extra cash helps out, you know?
and noe- WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOUR BLOG???

Waiting to move...

We're going to move when we get our income tax return. Finally I can get away from his stupid sister and her childishness...finally I can have room to put the kids in their own room and be able to have my own room (okay, our room, whatever. I decorate it, it's mine dammit!) however I want it.
Little Man's allergy and asthma specialist tells me that it would be a good idea to have a ceiling fan installed where ever he sleeps so that the air can circulate. Without being able to get on certain sites at work, I am limited to what I look at. So I look around at sites to give me ideas as how to decorate.
I've found a site that has ceiling fans and I'm trying to figure out which one I want for the kid's room. So far it's between this fanimation fan, the one called Fargo. I know it's not a ceiling fan, but it would go nicely on a nightstand or a dresser. I just like the weird way it looks, it doesn't look like a contemporary fan.
We can also go with a more modern ceiling fan, but the looks of these make them look more like something I would put into a kitchen since they look like they go well with stainless steel. They do look like they would be easy to clean, though which is a good thing. Grab the duster and pass it once!
I fell in love with the hunter fans, two in particular, the Coronado and the Royal Palm. Something about them makes me think of being on a nice enclosed deck, with a sexy cabana boy waving some giant palm leaves at me with I sip on some margaritas.
Any opinions?

Let's take a vaca...

Turn into Calgon and TAKE ME AWAY!
LOL!
You know those commercials that say they can find you discount hotel prices and you can still stay at an awesome hotel...? Do you ever believe them? I never know what to think...
but I did see some stuff in Italy that if I were to ever go to Europe, I would look into it and hope that the commercials are for real.
There are deals for hotels in Italy, for when you just want general dealos and maybe just want to travel around.
Stay in a hotel in Milan, go to the jazz festivals that get the city rocking in November. Or go to the famous opera house, La Scala when they open their doors in December. Who wouldn't want to go to an authentic Italian Opera?
Find a hotel in Venice, drink in the culture. Buy some couture dresses, got o Fashion shows.
Or, the best one of all- stay in a hotel in Rome, the Eternal City, around Easter time so you can visit the Vatican when the Pope comes out to bless everyone. Visit the Colosseum, take in all the beautiful sights and monuments that u only read about in History books and see on the travel channel.
There are plenty of trains and bues to take you on tours around the cities. Beautiful, pleasant climates will make you enjoy your sty even more.

Technicalities and payments

Daddy and I once had a bad car accident where we had gotten hit by a drunk driver in the middle of the afternoon. Big lawsuit followed, dragging out for two years in court between the two insurance companies. It was pretty annoying, knowing we had the case in our hands but the other insurance company trying to find ways to make it look like the accident was somehow someway our fault. Yes- WE were the ones who took your client to a bar at one in the afternoon, WE were the ones who filled him with Coronas or Tequila shots, or whatever he was drunk on, and WE were the ones who put him behind the wheel and told him "Go! really fast! And hit a few people!"
We were lucky enough to get our settlement in one payment after everything was over. After the hospital and physical therapy bills we accumulated had been paid off, we weren't left with so much that they would have had to pay us in structured settlements. We were looking into websites anyway, to get our payment at once because we had decided that if we were going to get monthly or yearly payments, we didn't want it that way. We got details at sites like this that pretty much explain everything to you ut and dry.
When we daydream about winning the lottery, we always say that we will choose the large lump sum and take the 2% or whatever it is they leave you with...if not, we would just click here and sell our settlement, take the money and RUN!

Two Weeks Notice

I sent my resume and filled out an application to Big Time Insurance Company- can't say their name, you know how that goes. But their logo is the word "IF" in some commercials...and in others it's Snoopy. If you figured it out then you're awesome. If you didn't, just watch a few hours of t.v, one of their commercials is bound to pop up.
So BTI has 4 open full time positions at a very nice salary, paid training, bonuses for the stupidest things-but bonuses nontheless-, sick days, paid vacas, great benefits...a dream job.
I'm hoping to hear from them ASAP.
Bad thing is I'll be having to give my two weeks at the Lab, and I love it there but the money isn't cutting it. I've already spoken to a friend of mine who would love my job at the Lab, and if they allow me to find and train my own replacement then I'll bring her in to do my job.
But I've come to peace with it in my mind, the quitting thing. I'm not good at quitting... but I have a family to think about and a bank account that has seen more cobwebs than an abandoned warehouse.
*sigh*

Pictures of the accident

Nice huh? I gotta take the 'after' pics cause Daddy fixed all that already. There's just too much snow outside for me to be standing there...
These were taken when we were outside in the freezing cold changing the punctured tire.

So much for Break Time...

We were out with friends last night, just hanging out and we went to get something to eat. At some point we were driving and there was this car, I guess he was trying to make a U-turn or something, the idiot ended up pressing the gas (full throttle) and hit us. He took a chunk out of our car. The whole front driver side fender is smashed, the bumper has a chunk missing and is all discumbobulated, the light is smashed and the tire popped...
We're okay, I'm just glad the kids weren't in the car.
The guy at first was saying it wasn't his fault, but he soon realized that he shouldn't have been making a U-turn on that street, especially not gassing it when there are cars coming. Daddy's outside right now fixing the car, we can't drive the car the way it is right now. Fucking retards. I couldn't sleep last night. So my 'peaceful night's sleep without kids' went to hell.
And to top it off, my mother tells me that Little Man was answering her back all morning, getting smart with her. Nice. Another great habit to break him out of.

Break Time

The kids are sleeping at Grandma's tonight. Daddy and I want some alone time, so we may be going out. Even if we don't (since we still don't have any definite plans as of yet, and it's 9) we will still be home alone. We'll probably watch a movie we rented last night and never got to watch because one or both of the kids were fussing or being loud. People without children don't understand how needed this break is- people without children don't seem to understand that sometimes you need to be away from your children to maintain some sort of sanity. Tonight, Daddy and I needed this. I have this friend, we'll call her Flower, that I've been friends with since high school. One of the few real friends I have...you know the type that there is no such thing as arguments, no hard feelings over stupid stuff...well she's my sweetie. She is always offering to babysit one or the other of my rugrats and I always tell her I never want to bother her. I think I'm going to do a 'dry run' with the diva and see how she is with Flower, just so if Daddy and I decide to take this weekend get-away we're planning for Valentines Day I can leave the diva with her. Then my mother won't have to stay with both and go crazy.


My "After Holiday Celebration" (translation: we waited too long to make Christmas reservations and got stuck with a date that's too late to call a Holiday Party) for my job is coming up on the 26th. I'm debating whether or not to go...but there will be raffles and give-aways, and I hear that they aren't cheap with the give-aways so I might just go to see what I can win. Is that shallow of me? Oh, and the fact that it's at a fancy hotel where the food is semi-good and I know I won't starve...
I do need to find something to wear for this, as I was heavier last year and no fancy clothes in my closet fit me. Hmmm, shopping trip.

You would think I had OCD...all the damn sweeping I do

My son's godfather (my cousin) was here visiting from NYC with past week. My son loves him to death, he would wake up and go straight to the living room where Cuz was sleeping just to see if he was awake. He saw firsthand how it is to have two young kids, and I think I made him consider sterilization. I looked at his face every time I came into the living room with the broom, his eyes would be wide as hell. What made me laugh was that he was SURPRISED that I pick so much crap up from the floor with the dustpan, despite sweeping the floor about 25 times a day. Literally. He took to doing some sweeping when he saw I was doing something else. He would shake his head and say "I don't know how you do it." I would say "Me neither, man." Now he understands the dark circles, the gray hairs that are sprouting, the frustration, the clenched jaw. But he also understands the smiles, the hugs, the appreciation of the kisses not only from Little man but even the slobbery ones that the diva is learning to give. "Is it worth it?" he asked me once. "Hell yes." i said with out hesitation. Despite the fact that most of my days end with me wanting to cry, I still go to sleep only after squeezing them both and giving them a million kisses. And when they wake up I make sure they have the biggest smile on their faces before I let them out of the room. I love being a mother, even though there are days that i think "WHAT THE HELL DID I GET MYSELF INTOOOO?????" and I want to pull my hair out. Even though there are days that I have to remind myself that kids are kids...kids make messes...kids get dirty...kids make noise (not caring if you DO have a headache)...
I'm trying to work my mind out of this bullshit it put itself into. I'm trying to be better.
I'm trying to be better for them, I'm supposed to be their hero...

The morning after Cuz left, my son went into the living room and gasped. He came back into my room and says "Mommy- Cuz is not sleeping there!" "I know baby, he went home..." "Mommy, call Cuz so he can come back and play with me. And he has to tie my shoes." "He'll be back soon baby..."
Cuz asked us if he decided to move here, would we take him in. Daddy said yes, as long as we were in a bigger place. Why is it that my husband likes to take in strays?

Only the best online dating sites allowed.

Head Admin (way back when I was working there) was always single. She was constantly posting ads and viewing dating sites trying to find someone to share some time with. She ended up putting her profile on Match.com, and one of Daddy's friends saw her profile there and told us. Come to think of it, why the hell was he on that site if he is married??? Hmmmm, I have to bring that up to Daddy...
Anyway she was always asking me what is could be that she was doing wrong and why no one would stick around. I could never answer her, I'm not a dating expert. Daddy and I ended up together by chance...or fate...whatever it was that aligned the stars and whatnot.
So I figured that maybe she should try to read the advice that the Dating Site gives, since a lot of them post articles to help out with your dating life. They post articles about healthy dating tips and even show where you can find speed dating for Senior Citizens! (I don't know about you but I find that funny! And cute!)
She eventually ended up taking her profile off, because she ended up with one of the agents at our job. (Which was against job rules...but don't tell Bossman that!)
I'm personally glad that I never had to endure the dating sites, but have nothing but respect for anyone who does. You need a lot of patience to wait to find someone you mesh with, and you have to have patience with the annoying people you may end up with on the way to finding your 'one'.
If you've ever done the online dating site thing, tell me your story, I'd like to know if it worked out for you.

It's the damn mattress...

we figured out the reason my little diva is getting up so much at night. Her mattress (which used to be Little Man's, so I guess it's kind of old...) is bugging her. We had bought a water-proof semi-expensive mattress for Little Man, but we noticed it crinkled a lot when he moved around. Thinking back, maybe that's why he never wanted to sleep in it, either, because he called it quits for the crib around this same age...
What we did was fold a quilt down to the size of the crib and tucked it under so it would be like a cushion, and she has been sleeping. She still wakes up once to eat at about four, but she goes right back to sleep and stays asleep for the rest of the night without a peep.
So we're going to buy her a new mattress, because this crib is going to be turned into the toddler bed so we're at least going to use the mattress for a while. Any suggestions?
Which mattress did you use? Talk to me so don't go buy another shitty mattress...
And do they let you 'test drive' baby mattresses the way they do for big people mattresses??? Can we put her to sleep in the store and see how she does? LOL...

I turned into a whiny brat!

LOL! DAddy and I went to the mall with Friend and Big Guy (her husband) and the kids. The mall has three floors, and it is HUUUUGE. We did laps around the third and second floors, by the time we were getting to the first floor, I was DONE. The lack of sleep that I'm going through is killing me, my body gets so weak so quickly it's unbelievable. We came across these massage chair and i sat my ass down QUICK. Oh. My. GOD. I was in absolute heaven, the technique of the chairs was so realistic it felt like real hands. It imitated the kneading and compression that you would feel at a massage place. I kept changing the settings, changing the intensity on different parts of my back. I could have fallen asleep there.
It had to end sooner or later, and when it did I turned to Daddy and whined "I want one!" in my best Little Man impression.

Insomnia

I can't sleep. Help!
I have said since the day our daughter was born that I wanted her to sleep in her crib (which used to be Little Man's crib) and only in her crib. NOT MY BED. Little Man sleeps with us, and he sleeps Spread Eagle so I get smushed against Daddy and I end up not sleeping at all. (Our bed is shoved against the wall so he sleeps there, I sleep in the middle and Daddy sleeps falling off the edge of the bed.) Anyway, with her fussing at night all of a sudden, and both of us working and needing some kind of sleep, Daddy has been bringing her into our bed on his nights. (We alternate nights with her.) PISSED OFF! I actually wake up to whisper-yell to him to get her ass in that crib or I'm permanently moving my self to the futon in the living room. He ignores me. SO on my nights, after she falls back asleep and I put her in her crib she ends up waking up again in another hour or so. I DON'T WANT HER IN MY BED! Bad thing is, since our apartment is only one bedroom, I can't let her cry it out because then she'll wake up Little Man and getting a three year old back to sleep at 3 a.m........*groan* I can't wait till we move into a bigger place (hopefully this Spring!) so i can let her cry it out if I have to. And so I can start working on getting Little Man out of my bed, too.

Taking the easy way out?

I got an ab machine for Christmas, a gift from my mother. While Daddy joked ("What is she trying to say? Ha, ha, ha!") I called her that night after I used it for the first time to thank her and thank her.
While I am here, busting my ass (or abs!) trying to lose these fifteen/twenty pounds that I can't seem to get rid of, HOPING that I CAN get rid of them, I know that there are people that losing the weight-in most cases MORE weight- doesn't come so easy. No amount of exercise or dieting seems to help, so they need a better alternative. I've asked Daddy what he would think if I decided to get plastic surgery? I would travel to Beverly Hills, California to get the Star Treatment of Plastic Surgery.
Or what about my newly saggy boobies? Maybe a lift? Maybe an enhancement? I mean at 25 I don't think I should be lifting these things as much as I do, LOL! I probably wouldn't enhance them, I would most likely just get a lift. I never really had big boobage while I was growing up, I was a B at best, but my son's pregnancy gave me a nice full C. I was proud. My baby girl, on the other hand deflated my son's presents...so I would want them the way they looked after I had my son.
As for the people that cant just use an ab machine opt for a liposuction. Why not? Gets rid of the fat you want to get rid of anyway, just faster. I mean I wouldn't go to a third world country and get this done- but in California, where all the movie stars get it done on a daily business, I say go for it. Why not? If I had more than my twenty pounds to lose I would do it. Get me some Beverly Hills Plastic Surgery!

A list

• Peanuts
• Cashews
• Hazlenuts
• Walnuts
• Soy

The list of my son's allergens. The allergens that are most likely causing the asthma and the eczema. The nuts, I already had an idea, but the soy? Where the hell did that come from? There is soy in like EVERYTHING! The allergist said that it was a mild allergy, a 1 on a scale of 1-6, but it's probably why the eczema and asthma are chronic...so cutting out the soy will probably make it better...