I'm sure that's what everyone at Walmart was thinking yesterday when I set foot in the store. My bank is located IN the damn store (how smart are they? "Come deposit your check...or on second thought just hand it to the cashier...") so I always go there after work on Thursdays to deposit my and Daddy's paychecks. I brought my mother with me since she wanted to pick up a few things. I should have realized it was going to be bad when Little Man didn't want to get out of his car seat. Usually when Daddy and I get to Walmart the kid is dying to go in the store so he can be in the shopping cart. Maybe it was because Daddy wasn't there, he went home to lay down because now HE'S sick, but Little Man was not having it. So I carry him to the store and he didn't even want to get in the cart...instead he starts screaming at the top of his lungs causing everyone to turn our way and wonder what kind of satanic torture I was giving this child. My mother took over and told me to go to the bank before they closed, she would handle him. Yeah, okay. As I was there signing the checks and filling out my slip I could hear him screaming. As the banker handled my transaction-and wouldn't shut up about what she wanted for lunch (they all know me, this is both good and bad) I could hear him. The thing is, my mother didn't stay outside the bank waiting for me, she went to get her things and he was screaming as they were walking. I am THAT mother, the mother that everyone looks at when her kid is throwing a fit. The mother that everyone looks at and says "That will never be me." or "Look at her, she can't even control her own child."
I walk out of the bank and see them standing in line to be cashed out. As I get closer my son sees me and says "MA!" and reaches out for me, his lips ready for a kiss, a smile playing at his eyes. He thought it was hilarious.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
The things you find...
on the internet when you are bored!!!
Stoopid has basically stayed away from me for most of the day, giving me time to myself so that I can breathe without having her ask me to help her open her desk drawers. So after doing whatever work I had, I obviously started bullshitting.
Now- you guys have to see this: Da Break Up Song.
Seriously. A break up song. It is the most ghetto fabulous thing you will see in a long time! I was laughing my ass off!
They have you enter the person's name and give two reasons why you want to break up with them, then the song is performed by some chick and you can actually e-mail it to someone! I e-mailed it to a couple friends of mine just so they can laugh as hard as I did.
Let me know if you laughed, I haven't posted any funnies in a while, I was beginning to think I was losing my sense of humor!
Stoopid has basically stayed away from me for most of the day, giving me time to myself so that I can breathe without having her ask me to help her open her desk drawers. So after doing whatever work I had, I obviously started bullshitting.
Now- you guys have to see this: Da Break Up Song.
Seriously. A break up song. It is the most ghetto fabulous thing you will see in a long time! I was laughing my ass off!
They have you enter the person's name and give two reasons why you want to break up with them, then the song is performed by some chick and you can actually e-mail it to someone! I e-mailed it to a couple friends of mine just so they can laugh as hard as I did.
Let me know if you laughed, I haven't posted any funnies in a while, I was beginning to think I was losing my sense of humor!
Women are changing...
This news story has been spreading like wildfire among the radio stations here, I'm sure it's probably big in your area, too since the survey was done by the folks at the Oxygen Network.
The biggest "shocker" was that 77% of women prefer a Plasma t.v to a diamond solitaire necklace.
That's a shocker?
Why?
I would most definitely prefer a plasma to a NECKLACE! Now, show me a nice enough diamond ring and I might have something to think about. And I'm just saying that because I still don't have a wedding ring! I mean, I would love it if Daddy and I had the money to get ourselves a nice ring set with the perfect diamond on it. I would love it if I could have the ring to show people I am married and not just have people look at me strangely when I say "my husband". But a necklace? Gimme the plasma!!!
Ladies...which would you prefer?
The biggest "shocker" was that 77% of women prefer a Plasma t.v to a diamond solitaire necklace.
That's a shocker?
Why?
I would most definitely prefer a plasma to a NECKLACE! Now, show me a nice enough diamond ring and I might have something to think about. And I'm just saying that because I still don't have a wedding ring! I mean, I would love it if Daddy and I had the money to get ourselves a nice ring set with the perfect diamond on it. I would love it if I could have the ring to show people I am married and not just have people look at me strangely when I say "my husband". But a necklace? Gimme the plasma!!!
Ladies...which would you prefer?
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
And you shall hence forth be known as Stoopid
That is the new agent's name, Stoopid. (Spelling totally stolen from Nita-which by the way Nita, dude, where the hell are you???)
Wanna hear what she just did?
She comes up to my desk and tells me she wants to make copies.
Ooooooookay...so make copies then. The day she started I had stood at the copy machine for A HALF HOUR teaching her how to use it, and while we were there I had her set up a password for an account. (Our copier is set up to count copies to be billed to each agent at the end of the month.)
So I walk her back to the copy machine and tell her all she has to do is punch in her password and she can make the copies.
"What password?" Stoopid asks me.
Deep breath, 12345678910!!! "The password you had entered into the copy machine the day I taught you how to use it."
"I don't remember you teaching me how to use this thing."
I want to kill myself. "You had put in a four-digit number and I showed you how to change the sizes and..." another deep breath. "never mind."
I start showing her AGAIN how to use the stupid fucking copy machine. Another half hour because she keeps stopping me to ask me ABOUT THE START BUTTON.
HOW FUCKING HARD CAN IT REALLY BE?????
When I started walking away after the lesson she calls out to me again saying that she really doesn't remember standing in front of the copier with me at any other time. Well, you were taking some pretty awesome drugs, then, because I'm sure as hell not going to forget that day. And now I have this one to add...
I just nodd and keep walking to my desk.
"Well, you know I'm right." she called out.
I'm going to end up punching her.
Wanna hear what she just did?
She comes up to my desk and tells me she wants to make copies.
Ooooooookay...so make copies then. The day she started I had stood at the copy machine for A HALF HOUR teaching her how to use it, and while we were there I had her set up a password for an account. (Our copier is set up to count copies to be billed to each agent at the end of the month.)
So I walk her back to the copy machine and tell her all she has to do is punch in her password and she can make the copies.
"What password?" Stoopid asks me.
Deep breath, 12345678910!!! "The password you had entered into the copy machine the day I taught you how to use it."
"I don't remember you teaching me how to use this thing."
I want to kill myself. "You had put in a four-digit number and I showed you how to change the sizes and..." another deep breath. "never mind."
I start showing her AGAIN how to use the stupid fucking copy machine. Another half hour because she keeps stopping me to ask me ABOUT THE START BUTTON.
HOW FUCKING HARD CAN IT REALLY BE?????
When I started walking away after the lesson she calls out to me again saying that she really doesn't remember standing in front of the copier with me at any other time. Well, you were taking some pretty awesome drugs, then, because I'm sure as hell not going to forget that day. And now I have this one to add...
I just nodd and keep walking to my desk.
"Well, you know I'm right." she called out.
I'm going to end up punching her.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Pictures
I took these photos last week and (obviously) haven't posted them. I'm a little behind, I've been busy with the new agent who needs help tying her shoes and closing doors...
ANYWAY!
My baby sleeping in the car. The hat was given to him by one of Daddy's co-workers. My fellow car enthusiasts know about Flowmaster! I'm thinking on sending it in to Car and Driver Magazine do you tihnk they would print it? They have that very last page that's dedicated to stuff people send in, so maybe there's a chance... (Daddy has had a subscription since I've known him and I love love love to read that very last page!) 
These are from one of the storms we had, Daddy and I were heading to my mother's house for dinner and the sky was spectacular. I love storms. Excuse the blurriness, we were on the highway and I don't think the other cars would have appreciated me making Daddy stop just so I can take pictures. The last one is my favorite, it looks like the clouds are coming from that one building...
ANYWAY!
My baby sleeping in the car. The hat was given to him by one of Daddy's co-workers. My fellow car enthusiasts know about Flowmaster! I'm thinking on sending it in to Car and Driver Magazine do you tihnk they would print it? They have that very last page that's dedicated to stuff people send in, so maybe there's a chance... (Daddy has had a subscription since I've known him and I love love love to read that very last page!) 
These are from one of the storms we had, Daddy and I were heading to my mother's house for dinner and the sky was spectacular. I love storms. Excuse the blurriness, we were on the highway and I don't think the other cars would have appreciated me making Daddy stop just so I can take pictures. The last one is my favorite, it looks like the clouds are coming from that one building...
Monday, July 31, 2006
Cough cough HACK cough wheeze!
Yep, sick as a dog! You wouldn't believe me if I told you...
Friday Daddy calls me at about quarter to five telling me he had just left work and was going to pick up Little Man. We usually do this together after he picks me up, so of course I'm questioning him. Turns out Little Man was running a pretty high fever and the babysitter was concerned. So Daddy goes to get him and picks me up and the boy is burning up! He tells me the sitter gave him some Motrin and that it was actually going down. Going down? It feels like his skin is boiling! "Let's wait and see." Daddy says. It went down. In about fifteen minutes, the boy was running around like he never had the fever.
Great.
Fast forward to 2 a.m when the boy put his foot on my face. It was hot again. What the fuck? More motrin, half a dose because that was all that was left in the bottle. Shit. Shit. Shit. Some crying by the boy who didn't appreciate being woken up and by me because he wouldn't let me take his temp, and he didn't even want me to hold him. Ten minutes, fever was gone. GONE. 6 a.m, hot arm on my face. Remember it was half a dose? I drag myself out of bed put my glasses on, some sweat pants yes, I'm serious and go to 7 Eleven. Now here is where the drama starts. The bottle of Children's Tylenol is marked $4.99. I get to the register and the dude asks me for $7.23. I swipe my card, then stop. It's six in the goddamn morning, I can't think..."The box says $4.99. How do you get $7.23 from that?" He looks at the box where it is clearly labeled $4.99 and says it must be a mistake...but he means from my end because he's still there waiting for me to sign the slip. Oh, hell no, I still have the crust in my eyes and this guy wants to fuck with me. "Listen. It is six in the morning and you can clearly see I am buying medicine for a child. You have FOUR NINETY NINE marked on the box- on all the boxes! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CHARGE ME SEVEN TWENTY THREE FOR THIS." He went to go inspect the other medicine boxes. When I say inspect, I mean he was looking at each and every label to see if I put them there. I wanted to leave, but the closest twenty-four hour pharmacy is two towns away. He came back to the register, did the void and I paid the stupid $4.99 wanting so badly to hurt him. He didn't even apologize. So the boy gets his tylenol and I call the doctor. "Temp at 102.5, no vomiting, no diarrhea...go in at ten? Thank you."
Go to the doctor at ten just to be told I shouldn't have brought him in you're fucking paranoid if he doesn't have any other symptoms then why did you tell me to bring him in??? and just let whatever it is to run its course. I hate doctors.
Thankfully, the kid only needed about one more dose of Tylenol and he was fine.
Then last night I started coughing like an eighty year old man with a 75 year smoking habit. I sound like one when I talk, too.
Fun times, I tell you.
Friday Daddy calls me at about quarter to five telling me he had just left work and was going to pick up Little Man. We usually do this together after he picks me up, so of course I'm questioning him. Turns out Little Man was running a pretty high fever and the babysitter was concerned. So Daddy goes to get him and picks me up and the boy is burning up! He tells me the sitter gave him some Motrin and that it was actually going down. Going down? It feels like his skin is boiling! "Let's wait and see." Daddy says. It went down. In about fifteen minutes, the boy was running around like he never had the fever.
Great.
Fast forward to 2 a.m when the boy put his foot on my face. It was hot again. What the fuck? More motrin, half a dose because that was all that was left in the bottle. Shit. Shit. Shit. Some crying by the boy who didn't appreciate being woken up and by me because he wouldn't let me take his temp, and he didn't even want me to hold him. Ten minutes, fever was gone. GONE. 6 a.m, hot arm on my face. Remember it was half a dose? I drag myself out of bed put my glasses on, some sweat pants yes, I'm serious and go to 7 Eleven. Now here is where the drama starts. The bottle of Children's Tylenol is marked $4.99. I get to the register and the dude asks me for $7.23. I swipe my card, then stop. It's six in the goddamn morning, I can't think..."The box says $4.99. How do you get $7.23 from that?" He looks at the box where it is clearly labeled $4.99 and says it must be a mistake...but he means from my end because he's still there waiting for me to sign the slip. Oh, hell no, I still have the crust in my eyes and this guy wants to fuck with me. "Listen. It is six in the morning and you can clearly see I am buying medicine for a child. You have FOUR NINETY NINE marked on the box- on all the boxes! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CHARGE ME SEVEN TWENTY THREE FOR THIS." He went to go inspect the other medicine boxes. When I say inspect, I mean he was looking at each and every label to see if I put them there. I wanted to leave, but the closest twenty-four hour pharmacy is two towns away. He came back to the register, did the void and I paid the stupid $4.99 wanting so badly to hurt him. He didn't even apologize. So the boy gets his tylenol and I call the doctor. "Temp at 102.5, no vomiting, no diarrhea...go in at ten? Thank you."
Go to the doctor at ten just to be told I shouldn't have brought him in you're fucking paranoid if he doesn't have any other symptoms then why did you tell me to bring him in??? and just let whatever it is to run its course. I hate doctors.
Thankfully, the kid only needed about one more dose of Tylenol and he was fine.
Then last night I started coughing like an eighty year old man with a 75 year smoking habit. I sound like one when I talk, too.
Fun times, I tell you.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Leaving your car parked?
I work eight hours a day, five days a week in a cool air-conditioned office. My poor car has to sit outside in the hella-hot heat, waiting for the relief of being brought home to be parked away from the direct sunlight. I try to park my car under the one big tree we have outside of my office, but if I'm not the first one here in the morning I don't get the spot. Boo-hoo. So if and when I leave during lunch, I open my car door just to be attacked by the hotter-than-boiling-water heat that has been trapped inside and I have to stand there looking like an idiot, fanning my door trying to get that damn air out. That's with temps here reaching 96, at the most. I can't even imagine what the poor folks in California are going through with their temp reaching 116 or higher!
So there's this thing, Auto Cool Solar Powered Car Fan that helps bring the temps down in your car by up to thirty degrees. Thirty degrees might not sound like a lot, but it is when your indoor car temps are over a hundred degrees during the day. It's a little contraption that hooks right on to your car window and fans the hot air out. It's solar powered, so it doesn't require any batteries and you don't have to plug it into anything. I'm actually thinking I may have to get one because there is no way in hell I'm leaving my car windows open wide while I'm sitting inside my office, not being able to see my car. We're not in suburbia over here!
So there's this thing, Auto Cool Solar Powered Car Fan that helps bring the temps down in your car by up to thirty degrees. Thirty degrees might not sound like a lot, but it is when your indoor car temps are over a hundred degrees during the day. It's a little contraption that hooks right on to your car window and fans the hot air out. It's solar powered, so it doesn't require any batteries and you don't have to plug it into anything. I'm actually thinking I may have to get one because there is no way in hell I'm leaving my car windows open wide while I'm sitting inside my office, not being able to see my car. We're not in suburbia over here!
MELISSA!!!!!!!
Happy Birthday Lisa!
Lisa it's your birthday!
I love that song too much.
So. Ms. Melissa, don't think I was going to forget about your birthday, I had to do this today since I'm not gong to be around tomorrow. So have a great birthday!
Maybe I'll be a nurse for the weekend
Wait, I'm the one who NEEDS a nurse.
My friend .K. called me last night to tell me a)that a cousin of Daddy's had his baby. and b) she is frustrated.
a) There are no pics of the baby yet, so I'll have to wait to show you the newest edition of the family.
b)frustrated with what?
Now, remember, my mind is in a fog, I should have gotten that right away.
But I didn't.
So while my son slept, I listened to her complain about her husband .S. not touching her I don't want to hear this shit and that all she wanted was some attention. I made a motion for Daddy to get me off the phone, but he was paying more attention to the pizza he was eating. Thanks, Daddy. I owe you one. Remember this when you want to get off the phone.
So I tried to give her some pointers for some attention getting.
How about getting a babysitter and going out on a date, just the two of you? Get someone not me please I need some sleep! to take baby .K. for a night and go out and reconnect...
How about playing a game? Like Dirty Minds or something.
How about getting dressed up? Like a sexy costume ? Maybe he needs some shock & awe moves put on him...
She seemed to like that idea...except for the whole "I still have baby fat" issue. So what? I still have baby fat and my son is almost two. So I started calling out options: a nurse?
Or a waitress?
I was trying to give her options so that she could "hide" the baby fat. Buy the right size, and you won't look like a sausage stuffed into a toothpick, and you won't be uncomfortable.
Maybe I'll buy the nurse's uniform for Daddy and he could nurse me back to health?
LOL.
Sorry.
Was it good advice? I mean, given the lack of sleep I'm surviving on right now...
My friend .K. called me last night to tell me a)that a cousin of Daddy's had his baby. and b) she is frustrated.
a) There are no pics of the baby yet, so I'll have to wait to show you the newest edition of the family.
b)frustrated with what?
Now, remember, my mind is in a fog, I should have gotten that right away.
But I didn't.
So while my son slept, I listened to her complain about her husband .S. not touching her I don't want to hear this shit and that all she wanted was some attention. I made a motion for Daddy to get me off the phone, but he was paying more attention to the pizza he was eating. Thanks, Daddy. I owe you one. Remember this when you want to get off the phone.
So I tried to give her some pointers for some attention getting.
How about getting a babysitter and going out on a date, just the two of you? Get someone not me please I need some sleep! to take baby .K. for a night and go out and reconnect...
How about playing a game? Like Dirty Minds or something.
How about getting dressed up? Like a sexy costume ? Maybe he needs some shock & awe moves put on him...
She seemed to like that idea...except for the whole "I still have baby fat" issue. So what? I still have baby fat and my son is almost two. So I started calling out options: a nurse?
Or a waitress?
I was trying to give her options so that she could "hide" the baby fat. Buy the right size, and you won't look like a sausage stuffed into a toothpick, and you won't be uncomfortable.Maybe I'll buy the nurse's uniform for Daddy and he could nurse me back to health?
LOL.
Sorry.
Was it good advice? I mean, given the lack of sleep I'm surviving on right now...
"Coffee" is the only word she knows in English.
I went into Dunkin Doofus this morning, a different one, the one a block away from my job. I went IN and asked for a small caramel iced latte, extra sweet. I added an orange juice to the bill. The price came out pretty low, I mean aren't latte's usually like two and change? Hey, I must have gotten a deal.
I was handed a small iced coffee. Not sweet.
How do you get the word coffee from LATTE?? I was speaking slowly, because I'm dead tired, so it couldn't have been that she mistook CARAMEL for coffee.
I took a sip and threw it out. I guess I'll have to depend on the oj to wake me this morning,
Grrrrr.
I was handed a small iced coffee. Not sweet.
How do you get the word coffee from LATTE?? I was speaking slowly, because I'm dead tired, so it couldn't have been that she mistook CARAMEL for coffee.
I took a sip and threw it out. I guess I'll have to depend on the oj to wake me this morning,
Grrrrr.
**********
I finally got some sleep last night. Little Man and I went to my mother's house to make sure she was alright, took her to the grocery store and then back home. When we were leaving Little Man started to cry bloody murder, he wanted to stay with her. He was fighting the car seat while I was leaving the driveway, trying to get out and run to her. I saw her wiping her eyes watching him do this. He missed her, she missed him. God, I missed her. He cried so hard he was asleep before I got home. I slept more hours last night than the past few nights put together, and when I woke up this morning I realized how exhausted I really am. All the stress from her being in the hospital, the not sleeping, the not eating has caught up to me. I now have a soar throat, my whole body hurts and all i want to do is go home and sleep the day away. But here I am. Hopefully no one fucks with me today.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Going Home
My mother is being discharged as I write this. She has appointments lined up for the next three weeks with all kinds of doctors to run more tests and take all her blood.
I think the doctors were just sick of me chasing them down the hall demanding answers.
And a cup of jello.
So her potassium levels were down to 4.6 which by their account is good. Now, to see if the new antibiotics are going to make her sick.
So a sigh of relief coming from me, and a thank you to those who left comments of concern for her.
I think the doctors were just sick of me chasing them down the hall demanding answers.
And a cup of jello.
So her potassium levels were down to 4.6 which by their account is good. Now, to see if the new antibiotics are going to make her sick.
So a sigh of relief coming from me, and a thank you to those who left comments of concern for her.
Karma and Irony must be sisters.
Let me tell you a story about why I hate the biggest donut chain in the world. (Well, on my side of the world anyway.) Every. Single. Time. I order from there they mess something up. Yes, it's obviously the employees' fault, but I blame the company for hiring incompetant idiots. I'll share the most recent incident:
There is a bagel shop right next to Daddy's job that is HEAVENLY. They make their own bagels, have the best coffee (according to Daddy, I don't do coffee) and the service is great. It's kinda like a Mom & Pop place. They also have their own sandwiches that they've named after people and places in the city. The only bad thing is: they only take cash. I don't like carrying cash on me, but Daddy and I make it a point to have some cash just so we can go there in the morning and get breakfast-on-the-go. So one day, we didn't have cash and the nearest ATM is not so near, so Dunkin Donuts it was. I went through the drive-through and ordered an egg and cheese on a croissant and a medium iced coffee, french vanilla, extra extra for Daddy. I was not hungry. We pay, we get the coffee. We wait TEN MINUTES before they hand us a bag, we peek in, there is something in there wrapped up, must be the sandwich, right? RIGHT? NOOOOOOO. When Daddy reaches in (we're already on the highway) and gets what is supposed to be his sandwich, he pulls out a blueberry bagel. He scrunches up his face and reaches in again. He pulls out veggie cream cheese. I wanted to turn around and give it back to them and ask them what the hell took so long to make the sandwich I NEVER GOT??? (and who eats veggie cream cheese on a blueberry bagel anyway?) I told Daddy that was the last time I was ever going there, never mind that I had said that the last time we had to go there.
Ready for the ironic part?
I got a hundred dollar gift card for the donut chain from hell for my birthday.
There is a bagel shop right next to Daddy's job that is HEAVENLY. They make their own bagels, have the best coffee (according to Daddy, I don't do coffee) and the service is great. It's kinda like a Mom & Pop place. They also have their own sandwiches that they've named after people and places in the city. The only bad thing is: they only take cash. I don't like carrying cash on me, but Daddy and I make it a point to have some cash just so we can go there in the morning and get breakfast-on-the-go. So one day, we didn't have cash and the nearest ATM is not so near, so Dunkin Donuts it was. I went through the drive-through and ordered an egg and cheese on a croissant and a medium iced coffee, french vanilla, extra extra for Daddy. I was not hungry. We pay, we get the coffee. We wait TEN MINUTES before they hand us a bag, we peek in, there is something in there wrapped up, must be the sandwich, right? RIGHT? NOOOOOOO. When Daddy reaches in (we're already on the highway) and gets what is supposed to be his sandwich, he pulls out a blueberry bagel. He scrunches up his face and reaches in again. He pulls out veggie cream cheese. I wanted to turn around and give it back to them and ask them what the hell took so long to make the sandwich I NEVER GOT??? (and who eats veggie cream cheese on a blueberry bagel anyway?) I told Daddy that was the last time I was ever going there, never mind that I had said that the last time we had to go there.
Ready for the ironic part?
I got a hundred dollar gift card for the donut chain from hell for my birthday.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Some snippets
I'm going to offer you some snippets from today, because it seems everyone is on a quest to piss me off. Notice I've only been in the office for two hours...I will be adding to this throughout the day. Unless I kill someone. Which will probably end up happening.
**********
The Shitter walks into the office while I'm on the phone with The Other Office. He sees there is a paper on the printer. He makes a beeline for the printer thinking maybe, just maybe the paper is his.
Dude, how many times do I have to stress that you cannot telepathically print shit out from your head. If there is a paper on the printer when you just walked in, chances are IT AIN"T YOURS.
**********
We have a new agent here. I haven't been able to write about her because she is always shoved up my ass. Yes, I know you just came from anther office and you're nervous, but can I breath with out you asking me why I took a breath?
She just came to me to say she had gotten photos e-mailed to her for a property she listed but "I don't want to open the photos, so I am going to forward them to you and we can open them together and we'll see what we will do with them."
OH.
MY.
GOD.
Forward me the photos and I will upload them, I don't need you asking me what I'm doing and why. I know what the fuck i'm doing, I've done it enough times. I've got some good stories about her. I can't wait till she leaves me alone long enough to share them.
**********
A guy walks in asking the price on a house he drove by.
You should have just called the number asshole, because what I'm about to say to you is not going to make you happy. Ready?
"well, the listing agent is the only person who can give you the price on the property, and he's not in the office right now. I can give you his card and you can call him on his cell phone or you can leave your info with me and he can call you back."
He got this look on his face.
I told you you weren't going to be happy.
"I just want to know the price of the house I don't want to waste his time."
Well, you're wasting mine seeing as how now I have to repeat everything I just told you.
Well, you're wasting mine seeing as how now I have to repeat everything I just told you.
So I repeat what I just said.
He got pissed and left.
Why is it that people can't understand that the law in this state does not allow me to give anyone the price on a house? I don't even know why! I just know that's the way it is! Don't get all pissy with me, i didn't make the rules!
**********
New Agent: (I really have to come up with a nickname for her)"Can you teach me how to use the microwave?
Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!
So you're looking for a Realtor, huh?
This woman called the office while I was busily typing away the meme I just posted. She is getting a personal post from me because she had to have been the stupidest person to call here in a long time.
Her: "Is The Shitter in the office?"
Me: "No he is not, would you like to leave him a voicemail?"
Her: "Well, can I have his cell phone number, I would really like to speak to him."
Side note: The Shitter does not allow me to give his cell phone number to anyone who calls, he would rather be the one giving his number out. So...
Me: "Well, if you left him a voicemail he could call you right back as soon as he gets the message."
Her: "Well, I just saw an advertisment for his Realtor services on my home thing and I wanted to talk to him."
My home thing? What home thing? A magazine? A post card?
Me: "Well, as I said he is not in the office right now-"
Her: "Listen- he is advertised on Myhomething.com and I want to speak to him."
Oh! That's a website! You couldn't just say that? Why didn't he tell me he was advertising there so I could be aware of the phonecalls that would come in for him?
Me: "ma'am, I do apologize, but he has not gotten into the office yet-"
Her: "Well, why is he advertising if he's not going to be in the office? I mean, I saw his page on the site saying how he can help me find a home and he's in my area...now he's not around."
This lady is crazy. Are agents only supposed to advertise during the hours they are in the office? They would never be able to advertise, half of them work from home!
Me: "would you like to try calling him in about an hour? He might be in the office then."
Her: "hmph. I thought I could speak to him. The advertising he has says he can help me with finding a home, home improvements and financing for those things. I guess I'll call back later."
click.
I swear...
Her: "Is The Shitter in the office?"
Me: "No he is not, would you like to leave him a voicemail?"
Her: "Well, can I have his cell phone number, I would really like to speak to him."
Side note: The Shitter does not allow me to give his cell phone number to anyone who calls, he would rather be the one giving his number out. So...
Me: "Well, if you left him a voicemail he could call you right back as soon as he gets the message."
Her: "Well, I just saw an advertisment for his Realtor services on my home thing and I wanted to talk to him."
My home thing? What home thing? A magazine? A post card?
Me: "Well, as I said he is not in the office right now-"
Her: "Listen- he is advertised on Myhomething.com and I want to speak to him."
Oh! That's a website! You couldn't just say that? Why didn't he tell me he was advertising there so I could be aware of the phonecalls that would come in for him?
Me: "ma'am, I do apologize, but he has not gotten into the office yet-"
Her: "Well, why is he advertising if he's not going to be in the office? I mean, I saw his page on the site saying how he can help me find a home and he's in my area...now he's not around."
This lady is crazy. Are agents only supposed to advertise during the hours they are in the office? They would never be able to advertise, half of them work from home!
Me: "would you like to try calling him in about an hour? He might be in the office then."
Her: "hmph. I thought I could speak to him. The advertising he has says he can help me with finding a home, home improvements and financing for those things. I guess I'll call back later."
click.
I swear...
It only took me like two months...
...but I did it. Zach and Brie's mom had tagged me ages ago...
I WANT: to go home.
I WISH: I could take a vacation.
I HATE: the way people drive in this state. Ugh.
I MISS: sleep.
I FEAR: death.
I HEAR: the non-stop hum of the AC in my office.
I WONDER: what's next?
I REGRET: NOTHING.
I AM NOT: the one to get nasty with when you call my office pissed at someone else. (just happened) (bitch)
I DANCE: with my son. To Elmo's Song. And the Bear Cha-cha-cha.
I SING: in my car so I won't damage anyone's ears.
I CRY: when it becomes tooooo much.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: bitchy. Though it seems that way.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: lots and lots of good food. I looooove cooking.
I WRITE: a blog. And lots of letters for my bossman.
I CONFUSE: everyone with my crazy train of thought that goes in five different directions at once.
I NEED: a stiff drink.
I SHOULD: be working...but I don't wanna!
I START: my day AFTER I smother my son with kisses.
I FINISH: my day smothering my son in kisses.
I'm going to see if Jay and Dennis want to play along...let's give the Daddies a minute in the spotlight...
I WANT: to go home.
I WISH: I could take a vacation.
I HATE: the way people drive in this state. Ugh.
I MISS: sleep.
I FEAR: death.
I HEAR: the non-stop hum of the AC in my office.
I WONDER: what's next?
I REGRET: NOTHING.
I AM NOT: the one to get nasty with when you call my office pissed at someone else. (just happened) (bitch)
I DANCE: with my son. To Elmo's Song. And the Bear Cha-cha-cha.
I SING: in my car so I won't damage anyone's ears.
I CRY: when it becomes tooooo much.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: bitchy. Though it seems that way.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: lots and lots of good food. I looooove cooking.
I WRITE: a blog. And lots of letters for my bossman.
I CONFUSE: everyone with my crazy train of thought that goes in five different directions at once.
I NEED: a stiff drink.
I SHOULD: be working...but I don't wanna!
I START: my day AFTER I smother my son with kisses.
I FINISH: my day smothering my son in kisses.
I'm going to see if Jay and Dennis want to play along...let's give the Daddies a minute in the spotlight...
wait and wait and wait
Last night her potassium levels went down. They had to pump her stomach and give her like four bottles (no lie) of laxatives to get THE ANTIBIOTICS out of her system. Yes, the antibiotics they sent her home with after the ordeal with her arm MADE HER SICK. So now she is connected to an IV once again, with more antibiotics (different ones) and we have to wait. The potassium levels were up again this morning, so we have to wait for them to go down. And then from there they have to determine what the hell is going on, which means more waiting. She sounded better when I spoke to her, she said her tongue didn't feel heavy anymore and she was hungry. (I would be too if they pumped my stomach and then made me drink four bottles of laxatives. Shit.)
So that's it.
We just wait.
So that's it.
We just wait.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
What NOW???
My mother just called me.
"I went to the doctor again because I had a funny taste in my mouth that wouldn't go away. They tested my urine and now I have to go to the ER again. I think they found protein, but they won't say yet."
She only has one kidney.
So if this one fails her, then what?
Can I give her one of mine?
**Edited to add- I just talked to her. It's 4 p.m, she is still waiting in the ER for her docs to attend to her. (I hate ER's, you could die waiting in a chair and they don't give a shit.) Anyway, she told me they said something about her pottasium levels being too high, which is bad for the kidneys. After more tests I'm sure she is going to end up on another IV. Thank you for your well-wishes. I would totally give her one of my kidneys if we matched up, if it came to that. Will update as soon as I hear something.
"I went to the doctor again because I had a funny taste in my mouth that wouldn't go away. They tested my urine and now I have to go to the ER again. I think they found protein, but they won't say yet."
She only has one kidney.
So if this one fails her, then what?
Can I give her one of mine?
**Edited to add- I just talked to her. It's 4 p.m, she is still waiting in the ER for her docs to attend to her. (I hate ER's, you could die waiting in a chair and they don't give a shit.) Anyway, she told me they said something about her pottasium levels being too high, which is bad for the kidneys. After more tests I'm sure she is going to end up on another IV. Thank you for your well-wishes. I would totally give her one of my kidneys if we matched up, if it came to that. Will update as soon as I hear something.
Monday, July 24, 2006
For Jen
Everyone go and wish Jen a happy birthday, it's her Golden Birthday, 24 on the 24th!
Here, I have a song for you Jen, watch as I get it stuck in everyone's head...
Does everyone remember the Simpsons episode where "Michael Jackson"* was in the looney bin with Homer? It's an old episode. Anyway they got "Michael Jackson" to sing Happy Birthday to Lisa? (Hope you don't mind being called Jenny! It goes with the song!)
Jenny, it's your birthday
Happy Birthday Jenny!
Jenny, it's your birthday,
Happy Birthday Jenny...
*Michael is in quotes because it turned out it was just someone impersonating him...and that was why he was in the looney bin...am I the only one who remembers this episode?
Friday, July 21, 2006
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