Why does it REALLY matter to you?

Stoopid seems to be on a quest to find out just how much everyone in the office is making/spending. She has been on this quest since she got here, but only now is it showing to be her one true mission.
If an agent sells a house, they have to bring me certain paperwork so that they can get paid their commission. If she sees any agent bringing me these papers (they are on 8X14 legal size, can't miss 'em) she rushes up to my desk to ask "Oh, so you sold something, 'eh?" The agent will always give her a strange look, then look at me (where I just make a face) and just nod their answer. (Everyone already knows not to get into a conversation with her.) The silence doesn't work, she starts asking all kinds of questions that frankly aren't any of her business, all this shit is really actually confidential.
The kicker is that she is always trying to get the other agents to tell her how much they pay the office in fees a month. (Also confidential, my bossman has something different worked out for every agent.) She doesn't want to feel that she is getting 'over charged', which between you and me, she isn't. She is actually getting a good deal since the bossman used the lower fees as an incentive to come to our office. But I'm not going to tell her that, I will let her keep thinking she is getting charged the most out of all the agents. Because it's fun.
Beantown bought me lunch the other day just so I would go and pick up a pizza at the Greek place down the street. He bought a giant pizza, so that anyone who was in the office could have a slice or two, and had me put it in the conference room after he grabbed his slices. I sat down, ready to take a bite out of my club sandwich when she came running up to my desk (this lady likes to run. I'm surprised she isn't super thin.) to ask me what that wonderful smell was. "Pizza." I said. I didn't want to talk, I had a delicious sandwich in my hands calling my name. "Is it for everyone?" she asked. I nodded. So she calls out to Beantown, whose office is slightly to my left "Oh, so I see you made a big sale and now want to celebrate." Beantown scoffed and said "Stoopid, I didn't sell anything. I just wanted to buy lunch today. That's all. Why is it that you automatically think someone is selling millions of dollars just because they bought a ten dollar pizza?" Thank you, Beantown, I couldn't have said it better myself.
Bossman is hosting a Holiday Lunch at The Other Office tommorow, he is closing both offices at 12 so we can all go there and lunch. Stoopid came to me after she read the e-mail and said "Oh, Bossman must have sold something nice for him to feel this generous and host a lunch for all the agents." I took a deep breath, I didn't want to come across as an asshole. "Bossman does this every year for his agents, he actually does it a few times a year. It doesn't mean he sold anything nice, it just means he is a nice boss who actually cares about his employees."
If she spent less time worrying about everyone else's sales and more time worrying about her own, she might actually get to sell something.
And maybe buy the office a pizza.