Welcome to this Shitty World!

Welcome Baby Boy S!
My friend K and her husband S had their baby boy last night, 8lb.7oz little bundle of joy. She is the one who was having contractions in the beginning of the month, yes, she JUST gave birth.
Her due date was yesterday, she delivered about 3 a.m.
I'm so happy for them, they had gone through a miscarraige last year.
I told them before they were pregnant with Baby to take Little Man for a week, it would make them buy stock in birth control. But they didn't want to listen. Now they will know why i'm always tired and crabby (even though some of that is from work) and why I've sworn to Daddy that we will NEVER have another child.
So congratulations to K and S, we are happy for you!
-
Crazy/Hip Blog-Mamas
+

He Just Can't Do It All Night Anymore...

Sorry this one's about Little Man- not Daddy! Ha.
And I'm talking about sleeping in his crib. He refuses to sleep in it past 2-3 a.m. The other night we had an episode with him where he woke up, I tried giving him his pacifier, patting him on the butt (he likes that), singing... nothing worked. So I finally gave in after about 20 minutes, cause dammit I was tired. I bring him into our room, it only got worse. (Have I mentioned he was crying this whole time? Screaming at the top of his lungs like someone was killing him.) He will usually lay down with one of us with no problem, but he didn't even want to be in our room. He didn't want me or Daddy touching him, which is ridiculous because HE-LLO! We are the only ones here buddy! After a half hour more of this incessant crying, he was breathing funny. You know the breathing after your parents smacked you and you cried too hard...so we decide to put him in the bathtub. (Still crying.) I put bubbles in the tub, figuring "Hey, he likes bubbles they might calm him down."
Yeah.
Right.
Still crying.
He had pooped fine that day. Didn't eat anything out of the ordinary. Only thing we could come up with was a bad dream. But for him to push us both away?
So we get him out of the bath- he almost stops crying...still has that breathing thing going. I put his pj's back on, try to give him a bottle-it went airborne.
So we lay him on our bed. Still kinda crying. But now he's too tired to keep fighting, and he falls asleep between me and Daddy. About an hour and a half later I get up to get ready for work...
So now, he wakes up crying every night. Somewhere between two and three he decides he just can't be in his crib. I'm too tired to fight, I need some sleep before going to work.
But he only does it to me.
If he spends the night at my sister's or mother's house, he falls asleep with no problems, and sleeps all night. (Like he used to with us.)
At the babysitter's, he takes his two naps daily with no fights.
I just don't know what to do.
Sleeping with a toddler is impossible. Especially mine. He moves everywhere. I will wake up with his arm on my face and look to see his other arm thrown on Daddy. Or he has to sleep like an H- where Daddy and I are sleeping "normal" and he is between us, head tucked in my tummy, legs tuck in Daddy's tummy. We have a queen size bed, but my son is tall. He takes up a lot of room when he's all stretched out. Last night he felt I didn't really need my pillow and manuevered himself to sleep ON IT. We try moving him to a more comfortable position, but to no avail. He is only comfortable when we're UNcomfortable.
If you're reading this- please don't suggest Ferberizing- I think it's cruel. I can't just let him cry for X amount of time... besides, the people who were soooo behind that method are starting to realize it's crap.
I don't know. Maybe he'll go back to the crib soon...
I hope.


-
Crazy/Hip Blog-Mamas
+

Rant about Piss

Why is it that men can't pee in a toilet correctly?
Now I don't have this problem with Daddy at home, he was raised in a house full of women, he was trained before I got him.
But at my job...we have one bathroom for the office. I am the only female there, save for the personal assistant of one prick, but she's hardly there. Now- I went on one of my 32 oz. soda induced bathroom visits only to find that the floor was wet in front of the toilet. The toilet is no where near the sink, so it could only be one thing...gross... it's someone's PISS! I maneuver myself so as not to step in the...puddle... and handle my business.
Of course, I still had to clean it up, but thanks to the Swiffer Wet Jet I didn't have to go near it...
Now, fast forward a couple of hours to another 32 oz. soda induced bathroom visit...there is piss on the goddamn floor again! Why me?
Why is it impossible for grown-ass "professional" men to actually get all their pee in the toilet?
Now, I know there's that moment of "shaking it off" when you're done actually peeing, but that can easily be done over the toilet. I know for a fact, Daddy does it.
Or at least, if you can't pee in the toilet like normal people, clean it yourself... don't make anyone else do it- it's your piss.
I have enough piss to clean at home with Little Man, don't need to do it at work...




-
Crazy/Hip Blog-Mamas
+

Thanksgiving

A day late and a dollar short-
Happy Thankgiving.
With all the hustle and bustle I've gone throught the past few days it's a miracle I still have hair on my head.
I am thankful for my wonderfull Daddy and gorgeous Little Man, because without them I wouldn't be able to say I have a family.
I am thankful for being alive- God knows I've been awfully close to opening those gates a few times.
It's hard for me to say too many things to be thankful for since we are going through a few difficult things that don't seem like they can get resolved...nothing to do with us personally but it affects my family. I have been thrown into a whirlpool of depression it's like I'm drowning.
We are thinking of relocating, thinking it may be the best to help us get out of crappy situations. It's not a "running away" thing, it's more like a "let's get away from the shithole in which we live, and start fresh."
I'm hoping come April we will have decided what would be the best thing, and if we do decide on relocating, then Little Man-you will grow in a whole different atmosphere.
I'm saddened at the thought of being away from my mom and sister (who both love Little Man oh so much) that I think that would ultimately be the deciding factor in our relocating.
I just don't know.
Oh- and Happy Birthday Daddy, I love you.
You are now my age, so if you call me old from now until my birthday I can kick you, it's fair game.
Being around you and Little Man is the only time I don't feel this weight on my shoulders, thank you for being born, thank you for coming into my life, thank you for being who you are. (Even though I wanna beat you like I was your mother sometimes- like when you don't fix my car when I ask...but i won't get into that.) But really thanks for loving me and the impossible bitch that I am. Only you can understand that one, because even I hate myself at times...
So today is your day, enjoy.



-
Crazy/Hip Blog-Mamas
+

Rant of the Day

Why did he have to call me? Stupid-ass man that he is, Daddy had every good intention of just saying "Hi." But that's where he went wrong. Because one of his buddies bought him something he needed for his "project car" as a birthday gift, he felt the need to call me to tell me about it.
Not what I want to hear right now ASSHOLE.
Me: "my fucking car has a goddamn oil leak.
FIX IT!"
Him: "We need silicone for that, we can't just put the gaskett on without silicone because then we'll just have to open everything back up just to put the silicone..."
Me: "Get silicone!" (whispered yelling at the office)
For some reason or another he can't get the FUCKING SILICONE AND MY CAR WILL STILL HAVE THE GODDAMN OIL LEAK WHEN I GET OUT OF WORK.
Me: "Fine, let the fucking car blow the fuck up. WHO CARES?!?!?!" and I hang up on him.

It just happens to me all the fucking time, everyone's needs get put before mine, and when I need something- which is rare for me to ask anyone FOR ANYTHING because I'm too GODDAMN PROUD- I always get pushed aside. I can never have anything when I need it, but GOD FORBID i tell anyone (NOT JUST DADDY-EVERY FUCKING ONE) that I cant do something right away, I'm the FUCKING BAD GUY!
I wish I knew how to fix the goddamn oil leak, I would do the shit myself. I can't afford to pay a fucking mechanic a million dollars to fix it, that's what Daddy's for, he is CAR SMART.
Obviously not very WIFE smart...
Stupid Ass.
I hope his piece doesn't work.

-
Crazy/Hip Blog-Mamas
+

Must...Stop....Drinking....

I really have to stop drinking this huge 32 oz. cup of soda. It's not even a cup, it's a jug. I work across the street from a Cumberland Farms, and they have "Any size fountain or frozen drink for 69 cents!* plus tax". 69 cents plus tax makes a 74 cent soda- because why would I be buying a frozen drink when it's 30 degrees outside? A 74 cent 32 oz. soda compared to a $1.27 20 oz. soda seems like a better deal to me! The 32 oz. jug (with ice in the soda) lasts me all day, small caffeine fixes here and there, whereas a 20 oz. soda would get warm, and I would stop drinking it before lunch. The only reason I say I have to stop drinking these things is because I have to pee like a fucking racehorse! I swear, I have to pee a gallon by 11 a.m! (I just returned from said pee break...)
Everyday I say I'm quitting the soda (it is an addiction, not just the caffeine-but the 74 cent price!) everyday I tell the girl at the counter it's the last day she will see me. And everyday when I throw the jug away, I swear it's good-bye Cumby's forever.
Yeah.
Right.
And then I'm back at the Cumby's the very next morning.
I'm hopeless!



-
Crazy/Hip Blog-Mamas
+

More questions than answers

No one can have an accident like me. I am officially going to start working as a crash-test dummy.
My car accidents are usually just other people being magnetized to my car somehow, and it always seems like they always hit the drivers side. (Which is why Little Man's car seat is behind the passenger side...)
My worst accident had to have been the Explorer in Jan '04.
I was given a Ford Explorer by my father in July 2003, sort of trying to make ammends for his not being around throughout my childhood. I loved my Dora- that's what I named the truck- Dora the Explorer. I could make a trip to the beach with my closest friends, fit all the blankets and coolers and still be able to sit comfortably. And miraculously, nobody had to move in the time I had the truck.
January 25, 2004 my mother asked me for a ride to the bus station, she was going to Boston for a business trip. (I lived with her at the time, Daddy and I weren't sooo serious.) So I take her to the bus station, say good-bye and drive off. I stopped at a CVS on my way home and realized I didn't have my house keys-why I didn't have them connected to my car keys is STILL beyond me.
So Daddy calls me while I'm getting into the truck, we had plans to get together later in the day. I tell him "I can't talk right now, I have to try to make it to the bus station before my mother's bus leaves to get the keys. I'll call you as soon as I get home." I get back on the highway , it was a sunny Saturday morning, and there was actually no traffic. So I'm doing about 60-65 when I see this black car in front of me, going VERY slow...so i start slowing down, but when I'm closer I realize the stupid car is STOPPED on the fucking HIGHWAY. I had to swerve so I wouldn't hit him- I didn't want to damage Dora! But the truck grew a brain of its own and I remember the truck spinning on a two-lane highway and I was facing the wrong way...
the truck smashed the metal guardrail, I hit my head on the steering wheel with the impact and passed out.
I could hear someone screaming and hands pulling at me, shaking me, someone asking "Is she alive?
Is she moving?"
I open my eyes-or tried to...all I saw was blood everywhere. I look out my windshield and see a street- not highway, a city street...
"What the-" I'm thinking...
There is a woman standing next to my truck, dressed in a black cocktail dress. A man standing behind her in a tux, he was the one asking her the questions.
Her: "Honey you just had an accident, don't move-"
Him: "Don't you think we should get her out-"
Her: "What if something is broken-"
Him: "What if the truck sets on fire-"
Me: "OH MY GOD-"
I start freaking out. I finally realized the blood was coming FROM ME!
Him: "I've already called for an ambulance-"
Her: "Is there anyone we should call-"
She doesn't wait for an answer- mainly because I'm starting to hyperventilate, she grabs my cell phone from wherever it had fallen and just pressed talk. My last phonecall was Daddy- it autodialed him. She told him what happened and I'm still trying to figure out why the hell I'm looking at a city street- I was just on the highway- but my head is starting to hurt, and there is still blood coming from somewhere...
I think I passed out again because suddenly I'm in an ambulance and I'm getting needles and oxygen and questions...
There is a cop standing over me asking me if i'd had anything to drink, and there is the lady in the cocktail dress telling another cop that the truck flipped at least four times down the embankment...
I'm trying to process this but my head hurts sooooo bad...
I just want to sleep.
And I do...
I wake up in the hospital to nurses and more needles and blood pressure cuffs and-WAIT! what happened to my clothes?!?!
Finally everything slows down and someone is putting some type of glue over my eye "to prevent scarring so you can keep that pretty face."
And then I was left in a small room on a stretcher with a vomit bin.
My sister walks in, I could tell she had been crying but she smiled through it and said "God, if you wanted attention you could have just called me, you didn't have to do all this."
I laughed, but it hurt so bad.
"Everyone is here, Daddy called all of us-do you want them in here?"
I nod.
The nurse says only two people can come in at a time, Daddy comes in by himself.
"Nice face." He says and pushes my hair away from the glue.
"Thanks, I worked on it all day."
He hands me a hand mirror the nurse left on a table, OH MY GOD THERE IS A BASEBALL GROWING OUT OF MY FACE!!! I DON'T HAVE A RIGHT EYE! i LOOK LIKE I WAS IN A FIGHT WITH MIKE TYSON!
I shove the mirror back at him.
He doesn't know what to say, so he offers to let a couple more people come in.
Wonderful friends- someone told me he made it to the hospital before the ambulance did.
I go home the next day, arms full of icepacks for my swollen-shut eye.
My mother was still on her business trip- no one told her what happened so she wouldn't worry.
Daddy stayed with me the whole week.
We took a drive on the highway where I crashed and I wanted to cry when I saw how mangled the guardrail was...
How did I survive that?
I wasn't wearing my seatbelt...
All I have is a small inch-sized scar right under my eyebrow...
We went to the towing place that had my truck to sign the paperwork for it to be junked...the whole front left side was smashed. No windows broken, no squashed roof. The tow guy said it must have landed on its tires everytime it flipped because the truck was about two feet closer to the ground and the suspension was shot.
But I went down an embankment...how the hell....?
I'm still left with more questions than answers.
Daddy and I still talk about it to this day, lots of what-if's.
That was when we decided we would be together.
Two weeks later our son was conceived.
He won't let me get another truck, now I drive an Accord...
I wish I knew who the lady in the cocktail dress and the man in the tux were, I wish I could thank them for stopping. What if no one had seen me? There was construction being done on the street I landed on, no cars were allowed in the area, and it was Saturday- no construction workers.
I feel bad because obviously they were going somewhere important and I got blood all over them. (The EMT told me they ended up taking me out of the truck.) So to the lady in the cocktail dress and the man in the tux- Thanks. I could have died. And my son would probably not be here...
I love you without knowing you.
You saved me without knowing me.

-
Crazy/Hip Blog-Mamas
+

Commercial Idea for Lego

I had to come back and share a classic moment I witnessed betwen my sister and Little Man...
My apartment has three bedrooms- the third bedroom is presently being used as a storage area for all the things that we have left to unpack, and now all the toys Little Man received for his birthday that are not in use- or just not put together, everything is "some assembly required"!
My sister had yet to see all the goodies Little Man got for his birthday, since some gifts have been trickling in throughout the week. So I gather Little Man and tell her to come into the room.
One of his gifts is a big box of Legos. Loud, colorful legos.
Well, I opened the box and Little man took out two or three legos and swung them around the air, singing. Meanwhile my sister is trying to tell me a story.
Little Man gets tired of the legos, he wants to play with the car, so he throws the legos on the floor.
Me: "Little Man, gimme the legos."
Blank stare from Little Man.
I point at two of the legos near me and say "Can i have those?"
Smile from Little Man who attempts to pick them up only to succeed in squatting in front of them and pointing at them.
I pick up the legos, they were pretty close to me, but there was one that was not within reach.
"Little Man can i have that one?"
He offers me the car.
"No Da-Da," (Another nickname for him) "I want that toy."
My sister feels he behaves better with her so she asks him for the lego.
Blank stare from Little Man.
I laugh. And wait. She is now determined to prove he will bring her the lego.
Her: "Little Man, give Titi (spanish word for auntie) the lego." and points at the lego.
I'm still on the brink of vein poppage from holding my laughter. His facial expression was hilarious.
She looks at me and says "Watch-" and she asks for the lego again.
I guess Little Man had had enough.
He walks over to the lego box, all the while staring at my sister, lifts it up and proceeds to dump ALL the legos on the floor.
And then he squats down and with his chubby little hand starts to scatter the legos all over the floor.
I could have died laughing. My sister turned all shades of red and she was trying hard not to laugh...
Little Man then takes his car and walks out of the room.
I died.
I haven't laughed so hard- and she was shocked! "He never does that to me, it's only because you're around!"
I laughed even more- she always says how well-behaved he is when he is with her. (She babysits him every Wednesday.) and I said "That was nothing!"
Then he walks back into the room and picks up the one lego we wanted- and threw it.
And he's only one!
-
Crazy/Hip Blog-Mamas
+

News-

My mother just sent me an e-mail, she received a phone-call at work that my cousins daughter just passed away. She was just born a week ago. She was born with complications, she had Down's Syndrome, there was something wrong with her heart, something else with her digestive system...and the little baby died. I'm sad, not only because she is my cousin's daughter, but because she was an angel that didn't even get a chance to live.
I must say that I'm happy they at least got to hold her and meet her, because I know there are so many people out there that don't even get that opportunity. They live in Puerto Rico and I'm poor so I can't make it to the funeral services...
This tears my heart apart, my son is going to be pissed at me, I'm going to smother him with hugs and kisses when I get home today. I can't thank God-or whoever is responsible for my son being healthy- enough for giving me the beautiful gift that is he...
I was terrified when I went into labor, they actually told me if I didn't get induced that night he would die...(labor story will come soon, if anyone wants to hear it...) that's not what any woman wants to hear...ever.
My prayers are with the family...I hope they can get through this, because I don't think I would be able to if it were me...


-
Crazy/Hip Blog-Mamas
+

Another girl...and a stupid question

Daddy's sister just called me to let me know she had her ultrasound and she is having a girl. She has a four year old daughter, who is the prettiest little princess EVER. She really wanted a boy because she doesn't want any more children after this. But still, she is happy and the baby is healthy thus far...prayers to keep it that way. Daddy and this sister are in the middle of a fight, (he has two sisters) and
the last thing I wanted was for her to bring me into it, but I commend her for not even mentioning it to me. She apologized for not coming to the party (which I was upset about because she IS Little Man's aunt-regardless) but I understood. Things will resolve soon, this happens all the time with siblings. I have a sister, too, and we actually went a good
three years without acknowledging eachother's existance. (That story to come soon...)

Now for the stupid question-
I called our "main" office to ask why I haven't received my check yet, after all it is Thursday... PAY DAY. The chick who answered the phone really asked me "Oh, you need that today?"
Deep breath from me.
"Um, yeah, it's kind of important I get paid on the day I was told I would get paid, seeing as how I have a child to maintain and a car that needs gas and food to buy for my family..."
"I will find out where your check is and I'll call you back."
Another deep breath.
Three weeks. It has been three. weeks. that I have had to go through this. They "forgot" to give me my check for three weeks. Once I even had to go to someone's house to PICK IT UP! That person being the one who was supposed to bring it TO ME AT MY OFFICE! I had to make a mad dash to pick Little Man up at the sitter's, drive as much like a maniac as i could with him in the car to her house to pick up my check, and then make it to the bank before they closed. I couldn't have been more pissed that day. And she tried to smile at me when she gave it to me. I know you must be thinking "why not just use Daddy's money?" Well, at that time he was getting out of work at 9 pm and he gets paid on Fridays... and there is no such thing as money in our account right now since both our cars decided to need expensive repairs at the same time last month. So money is tight now, and I need my goddamn check on Thursday. They could have just chosen to pay me on Fridays, but God knows I probably wouldn't see my check till Monday or Tuesday.
Deep breath....

-
Crazy/Hip Blog-Mamas
+

duh!

Blond Moment #7,452:
I left my car window cracked last night.
The driver's side.
And it rained.
All night.
I drove to work this morning sitting on a towel.


-
Crazy/Hip Blog-Mamas
+

Cake Face

This is my Little Man. With cake face. Tradition for my family-and basically all the "Spanish" of the world is to smear frosting on the birthday person's face after singing Happy Birthday. It's supposed to be good luck or something. Who knows- I just know it was done to me at every birthday party. And the torture continues...
His birthday party was great- he had a great time considering he was sick. He was having so much fun he actually ended up passing out from exhaustion for a couple of hours.
We meant to get his hair cut for the party- but all the running around I was doing trying to tie up the loose ends left us with no time for a haircut, so he sported his signature mohawk at the party. We love his mohawk, we actually are very apprehensive about cutting it off.
He loves all the new toys he got, he started playing right away. I think he was having more fun tearing the wrapping paper off, though, because even when it was off the present he would pick up a piece and start shredding it. (It's something about that noise, because he does it to the white paper at the doctor's office, too. Poor doctor has almost no paper left on the exam table by the time we leave.) So the little fucker is officially one. God, I was just holding a 5 pound baby in my arms! Now he's a twenty pound toddler. Where does the time go???

Great Love

I started this blog with the frame of mind that I need to vent. I have a very angry streak inside of me which I hold in most of the time, so as not to blow up on certain people. Like Daddy, who sometimes will deserve it, but not all the time. I definitly (how do you spell that damn word???) don't want to take it out on Little Man, he's just my angel- even when I feel my ears getting hot when he refuses to go to sleep. So if anyone ever ends up reading this- I apologize ahead of time for the swearing, for the posts that are directed to people who piss me off...not trying to offend anyone, just want to get some stuff of my chest.

Anyway-
This morning Little Man woke up at about 6:30. (he finally slept in his crib.) I put him in bed with Daddy while I went to take a shower. When I get out, they are dozing facing eachother, Little Man's hand on Daddy's face. I loved it. I wish I had a camera close by to take a picture of it. The affection that Daddy shows Little Man is like no other. He is not an emotional person by far, you can't even really see a soft side in him unless you've known him a while. But one kiss from Little Man does it, Daddy is putty in his hands. It's a great love I see between them. I wish I could take these moments and bottle them up and keep them with me always because I know there will come a day that Little Man and Daddy will fight, or Little Man will become "too cool" for us... and I will want to come back to these moments. I wish he could stay a baby forever. My baby.

Nyquil

Nyquil- the sniffling, sneezing, stuffy head, sore throat, coughing medicine so you could SHUT THE FUCK UP and let your wife sleep! medicine.
THAT is what the commercial should really say.
I'm glad Daddy has a great sense of humor- it's about four 0'clock when I give him some Nyquil- I turn to him and say "Now shut the fuck up I need some sleep." and we laugh. At four in the morning. It wasn't funny about five minutes later when the baby woke up and didn't want to go back to sleep. It wasn't funny an hour later when I was still trying to get the baby to sleep. It really wasn't funny when I finally woke up to see I was already late for my (usually rushed anyway) morning routine, got to work late and my boss was sitting at my desk. Wait- i have to say that part again. My BOSS was sitting at. my. desk.
Any other day he isn't in the office, you know, when i'm on time. But today I'm late and he's waiting for me. I felt like such an ass. And of course he probably thought it was bullshit when I told him I was up all night with a sick Daddy and a fussy baby.

To the PRICK on the phone

To the PRICK who called my job at 4 fucking 50 yesterday-
Listen ASSHOLE, if I tell you three fucking times that the person you are looking for is Not here - THEN THEY ARE NNNNNOOOOOOTTTTT HHHHEEEEERRRRREEEEEEE!!!!!!!
When you asked me the second time, I know you heard me getting testy, because you repeated "Oh, he's not there?" after I told you the first time. You didn't want his voicemail, you didn't want to leave a message with me, you just wanted to drive me fucking crazy!!!
What bothered me more was the fact that you asked me if I was "A Spanish". What the fuck is a Spanish? Were you trying to NOT call me a spic? because if you called me a spic I think it would have gone over better-
But I finally got you off the phone, no voicemail, no message left, you just hung up. And I couldn't be happier. I'm not allowed to shut the phones off until 5 on the dot- and at 4:55, you decide to call again.
And. asked. me. again. for . the . same. fucking. person.
Were you waiting for me to say "Oh yeah! he's right here, I was busting your balls the whole time! Hahaha..."?
"HE. IS. NOT. HERE. WOULD YOU LIKE HIS VOICEMAIL?"
"yeah, sure gimme that"
PRICK.
I drove home with Alanis Morrisette's Jagged Little Pill BLARING on my cd player because that's when she was angry. And she would have chewed that guys head off and spit it out on her ex-boyfriend's dinner plate.

The New Baby in Town

A friend of mine is ready to POP! with a little boy of her own. Last night I bought an ice cream cake with an Elmo candle for my Little Man and invited a few people over just to sing to him. I know i'm a sap- we are having an actual PARTY for him on Saturday but I didn't want his birthday to pass with out SOMETHING.
After we have cake for Little Man we passed by a friends house, who was having a small birthday party of his own. (Party=people coming over to eat food and sit in the living room watching TV.) My friend is having contractions on and off- I was watching her face as we were eating and every once in a while I would notice it get all wrinkly. She was trying so hard to keep it unnoticed-but HELLO! I have a child! and I don't think our Hosts would appreciate a child being delivered in their nicely decorated African-themed living room.
So being the asshole that I am I call out to her "Are you having contractions?"
Her: a nod
Her husband whips his head to look at me, then at her...
Me: Do you know how far apart they are?"
Her: "No, but they aren't close"
Me: "You realize you need to start counting, like NOW, because you could be going into active labor."
Her: "yeah. I feel pressure..."
Her husband is pale.
Everyone else in the living room is looking at her.
Me: "You guys need to go home she needs to lay down and YOU" i look at the husband "need to start timing her contractions."
They get up and gather their coats as I'm giving him orders "just in case" because suddenly I'm an expert... yet this exact time last year I was the one at a party having contractions while everyone was oblivious.
I haven't gotten the call that they are at the hospital but I'm sure it will be coming today or tomorrow...
Then my son will have someone else to hit.

For My Son

Today is your first birthday Little Man, and I could swear I was just in the hospital waiting anxiously (after the epidural) to hold you in my arms. You were born at 9:28 P.M, after 23 hours of keeping us in suspense, and making the hospital staff keep an operating room open just in case they had to pull you out. At about 9:15 you actually decided to start your journey on your own, and I couldn't have been more happy when I saw you. Tears in my eyes I reached out for you- and the doctor put you in DADDY"S ARMS. Asshole. Your Daddy sat in the chair with you in his arms and I couldn't think of anywhere I'd rather be. Finally Daddy gave you to me and I decided there was nothing better than you.
Your first year has been an interesting one, I nursed you for three months. That's three months with NO SLEEP because you wanted to eat every two hours. GREEDY. I had to stop nursing you because I came down with the nastiest cold/fever I have ever had and the doctors told me I had no choice but to wean you. I was heartbroken, but I wasn't going to put you at risk for anything. You took to the bottle pretty easily, as long as you got to eat right?
I look at you now, walking around with Elmo in your arms, and I can't believe it's been a year. I feel like I just changed your first poopy diaper, like I just gave you your first taste of applesauce. The Elmo you're carrying is bigger than you, we got him from Build-a-Bear, and it's the only thing I can get you to bring to me. Ever. You won't even bring me your binky, which you love...but apparently not as much as Elmo.
You hear the Sesame Street theme song in the morning and you rush to the living room saying "la la!", the closest rendition of Elmo's Song because you know he's coming on at some point.
You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, you saved me in so many ways. You are my ANGEL. (That was almost your name but Daddy wasn't having it!)
I look forward to the next year with you, my love, to all the adventures we will have.
For now I will close- but every adventure we go through will be chronicled here.
I love you, Little Man.