Oranges and Windex

That is what my desk smells like now. I ate an orange after my oh-so-yummy lunch, and as I was peeling it, it sprayed everywhere. So my whole desk smells like oranges. I like the way oranges smell, but I don't think I want it overpowering my desk...so I tried wiping my desk down with Windex...and now I'm being attacked by orange and Windex smells. Oh, and add a little Purell to the mix. Think it'll scare the people away?

I am currently taking a little breather away from this stupid project they have me doing. I was literally getting a migraine thanks to it, and it didn't help that Stoopid is here today (she hasn't been in all week) and driving me absolutely batshit crazy. I had e-mailed her a form she needed for a transaction, and she printed it out. Then she asks me "How do you type on it?" And because that question wasn't retarded enough...well, here it is: Me. Her.
You just have to have it up on the screen, you click on the little gray boxes and you can type the information in.
I don't see any gray boxes.
(Mind you, she doesn't have the paper with her while she is standing in front of my desk, nor is she looking at a computer screen.)
When you have the document up, it'll show gray boxes where you are expected to put information into...
Well, how do you open the document?
(ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? APPARENTLY YOU PRINTED THE DOCUMENT OUT! YOU HAD TO OPEN IT IN ORDER TO PRINT IT! WHY DO YOU ACT LIKE YOU ARE FUCKING DISABLED???)
I actually slapped my forehead in front of her after she asked me this, because seriously, SERIOUSLY...
It wasn't enough that I already had a headache before she came to my desk...
But wait, there's more!
I heated up my soup (chunky chicken noddle, yummy!) and she was waiting for me at my desk when I came out of the back room. (Doesn't that make you lose your appetite? Seeing this bug-eyed tard standing there watching you walk with a cup of soup in your hand...)
How do I e-mail the form?
Attach it to your out-going e-mail as an attachment (yes, I have to say this to her...) and it will send.
Well, I tried that four times already. Can you come do it? You can always re-heat your lunch.
I wonder how she walks with those big balls she has hanging between her legs...
You know what really pisses me off? The fact that she has been doing Real Estate for 13 years, and she still has to ask me for the simplest of things, the most mundane things that she should have learned somewhere in those thirteen years. She needs help filling out a Listing Sheet for God's sake, and all you have to do there is write out what the boxes tell you to write!!! SELF EXPLANATORY! She doesn't know how to work her voicemail. She doesn't know how to put a call on hold (press the big red HOLD button, maybe?) I won't even get into the fact that she still stands in front of the copier for ten minutes looking so confused...

There's a meeting on Saturday for us Admin's at The Other Office, I'm seriously going to tell my boss that he needs to tell her to leave me alone, because one of these days, one of these days...BAM! Right in the kisser! And I will be smiling the whole time I'm in the Unemployment Line because it would be soooo worth losing my job over.