Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Sleeping and fighting...

I knew it was too good to be true. On Friday night, he came into our bed at 2 (earlier than usual). He spent Saturday night at Grandma's, he woke her up at three, but she said she gave him a bottle and he went to sleep again until six. THEN he wanted to go to the bed with her, and stayed still (not exactly sleeping) until about nine. Sunday night- I dont remember. Last night- he came at four, at least a little later than ususal. But last night Daddy and I had a fight, and when the baby was in the bed he shoved himself all the way under Daddy, causing Daddy to be very close to the edge of the bed. I was glad, because at least I still got to sleep comfortably.
Until the bad dreams started.
Daddy had a whole different life before I came along and changed everything. Out of that life he has a four year old son that I love to death, we will call him Little Daddy. We don't get to see Little Daddy much, his mother hates me (well, US) and is jealous of the fact that Daddy wanted an actual future with me, and is doing great in life in general. When he was with her, he was a bum. Neither one of them worked, they lived off the welfare checks she got. (Nothing wrong with welfare-but they were both very capable of working, just too lazy to do so.) He had no motivation whatsoever. They broke up- he met me, things went better for him right away. He got a job, he was happy, she is still not working and living off welfare and child support, and the rest is history. Now-
I dreamt I was at a friend's house, visiting with her and her family. I left the house and I noticed a red car parked in front of my car and Daddy was in there with Little Daddy's mother sitting on his lap. I started freaking out, screaming at him and asking questions. At one point I asked him "Did you sleep with her?" and he wouldn't answer me, and he finally said "Yeah..." and I started to hit him. I was slapping him punching him scratching him and it was like he didn't feel a thing. Everyone disappeared at this point and it was just me and him and I was still trying to hurt him, and I was crying which was making me more angry...
I woke up and I wanted to hug him, wnated to know everything was okay even though I wanted to hit him, too. We were still angry when we went to bed last night, and whenever we do that I have horrible dreams. We don't fight very often, but when we do it's like a competition on who could ignore who the longest. He spoke to me first this morning. I still haven't told him about the dream.
Do I bring those dreams on myself? Just because I'm pissed at him?

Crazy/Hip Blog-Mamas

No comments: