Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Horse Pills

So I went to the doc yesterday. I tried to get out of it...I really did.
"Who will stay with Little Man? I can't have him running around the office like a monkey." I asked Daddy on the way to pick Little Man up from the sitter.
"I will stay home with him." he says.
"But then you can't come with me. He should probably stay with my mother."
"Your mother still has that sinus infection, do you really want to risk Little Man getting sick?"
Shit. Good point, asshole.
"I have to cook you guys something to eat."
"You didn't take any meat out of the freezer this morning..."
"Then we'll just wait for it to thaw."
"Let's order pizza."
Shit. but wait...the pizza could take forever to get here...
The doorbell rang twenty minutes later.
Nice day to be EARLY dipshit.
I asked my mother to go with me, yeah I'm a big baby.
I get to the medical center and there are two people in the waiting room. I fill out the paper work, and try to sit (it's already beyond uncomfortable) and read a magazine. Half an hour later I'm ushered into a room and told that a nurse would be with me shortly.
Enter Cute Male Nurse...
"What seems to be the problem?"
I describe the bump, tell him it hurts, tell him it's leaking (yes, it was leaking clear fluids. Have I grossed you out yet? I was thinking maybe it was my spinal fluid and any moment now I would lose sensation in my legs...) and tell him it hurts. Did I mention it hurts?
He takes my blood pressure and temp. "So you work at Company Name here, huh? How's business?"
Are you kidding? You're taking my vitals and I could die on this bed and you want me to talk Real Estate with you? Dude...
"It's a little slow."
"So now is not a good time to think about selling?"

Enter Doctor.
"I'm going to ask you to lie on the bed facing the wall so I can see the bump...
Hmmm. I see."
I get back up.
"You have an abscess. Blah,blah,blah, soak in the tub twice a day I'm a mother and I work full time I can't soak in a tub twice a day! It's a miracle I get ten minutes for my morning shower!, blah blah blah, I'll give you a shot of antibiotics along with a script. The nurse will be with you in a moment."

Enter Cute Male Nurse.
"The doctor wants you to come back Thursday so we can check it again and see if it should be drained. I'm going to give you a shot of antibiotic and you'll also get a script for Vicodin because it's going to hurt."
Vicodin for a shot of antibiotics? Is it too late to say I was making the whole thing up?

I can see why they wanted to give me the vic's...that shot hurt like I was getting another epidural. Holy hell... I swear my leg went numb how the hell am I going to drive home? and they made me sit there for 45 minutes while it "sunk in". I drove with my left foot, try it and see how safe that really is. I went to the 24 hour pharmacy near my mother's house to fill my scripts. The antibiotics look like horse pills, they are HUGE.

I got home about tenish, the boy and Daddy were asleep. Great, he didn't even miss me.

The good news is as of this morning the bump went down, but it still kinda hurts. So hopefully when I go tomorrow I can pretty much just wait for the antibiotics to kick in full gear and take care of it without cutting me open. 'Cause then the alien would come out before it's ready, huh Tony?


n!ta said...

i know it's not nice but this post made me howl with laughter!

hope your bumbum booboo is better :)

Mama of 2 said...

Well I'm glad to hear that it's something managable. Not that it didn't hurt like hell in the process but it has a name -- and you got meds for it.

I'm also glad to hear it went down some. Hopefully by tomorrow it will be down even more.

I'm a baby I understand why you were doing your best not to have to go. I do the same thing but then always ..I mean always feel better after being told I was making a mountain out a mole hill.

Keep us posted okay?

Stacy said...

Abscesses are nasty business. I hope the antibiotics clear yours up before the Alien pops out.

Kristen said...

I've been MIA lately, so I don't know much about this bump you speak of...but I'm glad you're at least on the road to it being gone? That really sounds like it sucked - and I hate when people want to small talk with you at such stupid and inappropriate times!!

Diana said...

Nita- I live only to make you laugh you know. ;)
thank you for kind thoughts. Honestly when he told me that abscesses come from bacteria "build-up" I felt soooooo gross and dirty. But then he went on to say that sweat and in-grown hairs can cause it too. So now I just feel gross and hairy.

creative-Type Dad (Tony) said...

Nice! Your doing exactly what the alien wants...pumping it with drugs for its radioactive 'eyes'.

Have movies and T.V. taught you nothing woman!


dennis said...

Not only that but did you know that in those movies that human tech only pisses the aliens off?

The only thing that will work is purifying fire or large doses of electricity!

Ok, with my last (and heretofore only abcess) I found that lots of brandy made the pain go away, along with my stomach lining...

Damn alien babies!

Diana said...

Tony and Dennis- you guys made my stomach hurt from laughing so much when I read these. Thank you! When the alien comes out i will name it after you guys.

sourpatchbaby said...

Diana, that is only if the alien will let you live. Maybe is like the alien from that tv show Stargate, where it lives in the guy's belly and comes up for air. Maybe you're about to give birth to your identical twin sister's baby! Incest and alien babyes! Somebody call Jerry. I'm sorry you're in pain. I, too, don't like pain. It hurts me.

Diana said...